Who would even say that? Like by the watercooler? “So ah…yeah I think about you whenever I’m getting it on with myself…so how about you?” I mean seriously…unless you did it…you didn’t did you? uh oh…yeah i would get seriously creeped out. Espcially if he was trying to hit on me…ugh ::shudder::
Someone take note
The next time a guy starts a thread that asks for advice on how to get rid of a girl- whom he is not dating- he’s not interested in, please link them to this thread 
I was talking to this girl at school once who related a story of being on a first date with this guy who, while they were making out, said something to the effect of “Man, I’m gonna have a great time jacking off to thoughts of you tonight.” She was thoroughly creeped out and that was the end of that. Me, I’ve never divulged this info to anyone except my girlfriend, and then only well into our relationship, and when she brought it up. So I can’t recommend it.
Technically speaking, the name for this condition is “not having any boundaries”. It bothers most normal women (“creeps them out”), but there are a few who seem not to be bothered by it.
I’ve mentioned to women that I fantasized about them. It’s happened exactly twice, unless I’m forgetting something (always possible at my age), and neither one was even close to ‘out of the blue’.
First time: was early on in a relationship with a woman I’d met through a personals ad; in fact, we’d just been intimate for the first time. I’d been volunteering at a crisis hotline, and she said she’d called in once, and I’d been the one to take the call.
Flashing back to the call: the call had come in late at night, I was manning the hotline alone, the other line wasn’t ringing, and the conversation had become personal - in a somewhat sexual, but not too specific, way. Nowhere near phone sex, but with that vibe, nonetheless.
Flashing back forward: once she mentioned the call, I knew she had been the woman in that conversation. I said, “Oh my God, I’ve been fantasizing about you!” My saying this didn’t seem to disrupt the flow of things between us.
Second time: a female co-worker and I, both romantically involved, somehow discovered we shared some of the same kinks, which resulted in some pleasantly interesting conversations. Somewhere in there, she asked me if I fantasized about her. I told her I did. Next time we talked (away from the office), she wanted details.
So context matters, to put it mildly.
Don’t tell them.
It’s a power/control thing.
She has to confront the fact that no matter how hard she wants to be perceived as a colleague, friend or co-worker, in his head she’s the star of a porno. Not a good feeling.
One exception.
If there is any hint of a relationship in the offing, some sort of subtle allusion ( “I’ve had a crush on you for so long”, “I think/dream about you all the time”) is fine.
“I attach your photo to the face of playboy centre-folds” or " I’ve often wondered, privately, what you’d look like in black leather" is not ok.
Not ever.
Well, not til after the third date, anyway.
It sure freaked my Grandma out when I told her. Never again.
Well, Purd, look at it this way … it coulda been worse. She coulda been intrigued.
:eek:
I agree with irishgirl. “Crush on you” = fine if it’s part of a relationship-headed flirt. “I think of you when I masturbate” = NOT FINE.
I think what Amanita said - " Mommies tell their kids that it is okay to touch themselves there, but that it is a private thing" would be the perfect way to respond to someone telling you that they wank off to thoughts of you. “It’s OK to touch yourself there, but it is a private thing. It’s not appropriate to tell me about it,” delivered in one’s best Joyce Grenfell voice, of course.
Unless I’m already having a sexual relationship with the guy I would be completely creeped out by it. And it wouldn’t depend on how I had felt about the guy to begin with. If it was someone I had been interested in, I would go right off him because anyone who would think of that as a good chat-up line is not somebody I want to date.
A student told me this once. I had him removed from my lesson permanently, and I could never look him in the eye again.
I would only consider this appropriate from someone I had been dating or flirting with on a pretty regular basis.
This happened to a girl I was dating – a coworker just casually mentioned that he often thought about her when he masturbated. She found it creepy, hilarious, and sort of pathetic, all at the same time.
Admitting to someone you’re interested in that you’ve fantasized about them before: ok
Telling someone you think about them when you jerk off: not ok
I’ve had this happen in three different ways, two of which were EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWwwwwwwwwwwwww and one that was actually kinda flattering.
First scenario. Ex husband. No way at all that can be construed as acceptable.
Second scenario. In the midst of a phone conversation with someone I had only ever thought of platonically, he kept trying to steer the conversation to sex. I kept trying to turn it back, but eventually he told me that he was masterbating to the sound of my “sexy voice”. I can’t even begin to tell you how much that creeped me out. I felt violated, ya know? It’s not that I’m a prude, by any means, but this just totally disgusted me.
Third scenario. A then boyfriend told me he fantasized about me sometimes, but that was actually kinda flattering in a weird sort of way.
I think, generally speaking, that unless you’re having a sexual relationship with the person in question, it would be far and away to much information to share.
I have actually said, in appropriate conversation, that I have in fact, thought about a couple of women I worked with, and am friends with.
I only once offered the fact, without being asked questions leading to it.
She was a coworker, and kind of a friend. She was asking me about my dating life, because I haven’t mentioned dates in a while. We were also just getting to know each other as friends, and I admitted I “kind of relied on myself” at that time.
She asked me point blank if I meant that I masturbated. I said, daily.
Without a beat, she admitted she does every other day. Then I told her I had thought about her. She blushed a bit. After a few minutes, she said she has thought about co-workers as well, and asked me if I get uncomfortable working with people I was fantasizing about. From there it actually opened an intelligent conversation that helped us become close friends.
Years ago, I began meditating while masturbating. It helps me stay stress free.
A woman I am friends with had asked me how I stay stress free, and I told her.
When we had that conversation, she was very stressed out, not sleeping well, and always jittery. I suggested she try just allowing herself some time to strip down, relax, and masturbate the stress away. She was a bit nervous at first, but decided to give it a try. We went back to my place, I poured some wine, and we both undressed. I blurted out that I have masturbated thinking of her, but would leave the sexual fantasies to the side. We both masturbated for quite some time. After which, she fell sound asleep. When she woke up, she felt relaxed, but wanted to be completely relaxed because of a job interview the following morning.
Us masturbating together brought us very close. We are able to discuss anything, and everything. We have cuddled nude, and have even masturbated with other people, who became close friends. Now, we both have happy healthy fulfilling relationships, and our spouses know what value it can be to share that closeness with other people.
I have yet to see a female co-worker or friend be uneasy with the idea I have thought about them while masturbating because I did not dwell on it after admitting it. I never pushed for it, or pressured them. My experience has been about the timing, context of the conversation, and how to let it go and move on.
Then there is the fact that the women, and some guys, are adult enough to understand it is normal and healthy to masturbate, and that sometimes we do have erotic thoughts come to mind during masturbation. The difference comes in to play on how it is presented.
So, dsmithe7121 … ever masturbated with another guy? I’ve been interested in trying that … 
Zombie fantasy sex…<shudder>
I’m not sure how I would feel. I tend to think that I would not be offended, but I cannot imagine any friend or coworker of mine saying that to me unless they had a motive for doing so. My reaction would depend on who it was, I suppose. I would wonder why they were telling me, and believe me, I would ask.
We all have sexual fantasies, no? Or at least many people do, I think. But to me, fantasies are just that. And most often they can be sexy and a turn on in our minds in ways much greater than if they materialized. Not sure if anyone agrees…
Creepy
Or, as in what I stated in my first response, you gave that information to someone with a motive in mind. There are so many other ways - both subtle and direct - to let someone know you’re interested in them sexually. The: “I fantasize about you when I’m masturbating” manner, is not my style.
Ick! That would definitely be creepy and weird. Even if you’ve made it to the third date. Until we’ve actually gotten hot and heavy together, keep this stuff to yourself. (Once we’ve actually done the nasty or something close to it, say whatever you want!)
If you said it to me before that, though, I’d think there was something kind of off about you. If I’d had any interest in you, romantically or personally, I wouldn’t any longer.