Not a joke, but rather the most hilarious line of dialog I ever heard in a video game. From Cass in Fallout New Vegas:
I finally found a way to make my dick 9 inches long.
I fold it in half.
My dick is so big 1/2 of it is still on it’s way here from Cafe Society.
My dick is so big it’s got it’s own dick, and that dick has it’s own zip code.
What does a man with a 12 inch dick have for breakfast?
This morning I was in a hurry so I just had coffee.
My dick is so big the Alaskan Pipeline used to have inadequacy issues.
My dick is so big astronauts mistakenly believe they can see the Great Wall of China from space.
My dick is so big it crosses the International Dateline. Twice.
My dick is so big it had a military coup and is now known as the People’s Republic of My Dick.
My name used to be Mason, and my dick was Pennsylvania’s southern border.
Mason’s dick’s-on-line, they called it.
Those aren’t my balls-those are my dick’s moons.
Punchline only:
“Yes, but this one’s eating my popcorn.”
My dick is so big, it’s a swing state.
My dick is so big, George Lucas is adding CGI effects to its next release.
My dick is so big, it does my taxes for me.
My dick is so big that I am the little thing that dangles off of it.
My dick is so big George Lucas is releasing it as Episodes 7 through 9.
Han still shot off first.
Just thought I’d point out that most of these penis jokes aren’t very large.
My dick is so big…
My dick’s so big light bends as it passes by.
My dick is so big, when my dick was getting Knighted, The Queen was unable to dub it thrice.
My dick is so big, yo’ momma said it was bigger than all the other dicks she’d had, put together.
My dick is so big, Herman Melville wrote a book about it.
I have two. One only smart people get. The other, only women find funny.
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Did you hear about the plastic surgeon who hung himself?
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A young soldier loses his leg just above the knee, in Afganistan. He comes home, does his rehab and goes on to live his life. He doesn’t date, he’s embarrassed by his handicap, even though he’s overcome so much.
He eventually, meets a woman he just can’t resist. They date for months without being intimate. He never tells her about his injury.
Finally, he gets up the nerve to move to the next level.
He takes her to a beautiful hotel.
When she goes into the bathroom to get ready, he takes off his prostesis and hides it under the bed.
She gets into bed next to him. He says, “Honey, before we start anything, I’m afraid I have something I haven’t told you.”
She: “Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s ok.”
He: “Maybe I’d better show you, give me your hand.” He moves her hand to the stump. She runs her hand over it, but doesn’t say a word.
Panicked, he begs, “Please, say something!”
Finally, she whispers,“Do you have any KY?”