My dick is too big to fail.
Win.
I think I shall concur.
A long time ago, back when playing Trivial Pursuit was considered a fun evening, I had some friends over at my place for a game. We were all guys except for one. My friend Ron had brought a date. We all knew each other and were having a good time, especially because I answered most the questions with “my penis”.
What is the largest mountain in the US? My penis.
What is the largest island in the Mediterranean? My penis.
And many more but all of there were asked of me by the woman. Now she thought it was funny but Ron was getting mad and a little embarrassed. So finally he took the card from her and decided to read the question to me.
That question was: What is, by far, the largest human organ?
Of course everyone burst up laughing and after a minute it subsided and I finally responded.
“The skin.”
“Correct” Ron confiremed.
“Because it has to around my dick.”
More laughter ensued, the board may have been tossed in the air, I don’t remember.
"I have a vewy gweat fwiend in Wome called ‘Biggus Dickus’. "
Anyway, a bar owner had a sign in his bar offering a large sum of money to the first person who could make his horse laugh. Many people tried, but nobody succeeded until one day a very small man said something to the horse who immediately burst out laughing. The bar owner grudgingly paid out the money and decided to change the offer to the first person who could make the horse cry. Many people tried but nobody succeeded until one day the same small man came to the bar, said something to the horse and it started crying. Once again the bar owner had to fork out money and he asked the small man what on Earth he had done to the horse. “Well”, the man said, “when I made the horse laugh I said to him that I had a bigger penis than he had and when I showed it to him he started crying”.
Your memory is as long as your dick!
And what can you do with a 12" memory?
My dick is so big I have every SDMB thread tatooed on it for reference to really old threads.
HAHAHAHA! Man, I’m going to tell that one myself.
Let’s see if I can remember the exact wording:
My dick is as big as a microchip.
Did I tell it right?
My dick is so big it’s cuniculous.
Semi-obligatory link to rapper Mickey Avalon’s ‘members only’ track, My Dick.
Some choice lines from it include:
My dick plays on the double-feature screen / your dick went straight to DVD.
and
My dick is like supersize / your dick look like two fries.
The strangle little cobbler down the street called me into his store.
“I have to tell you a story…” he said.
“I collect the foreskins from the doctors in the area, after they perform circumcisions.”
“Why would you do that?!” I said.
He smiled, “Look -see this little coin purse I made from 50 foreskins?”
I barely glanced but said, “Yeah -so what?”
The cobbler smiled, “But when you stroke the coin purse, it turns into a suitcase!”
I looked, and sure enough - it turned into huge suitcase.
“So why are you showing me this?”
He winked and said, “I made something just from your single foreskin years ago…”
I was grossed out, but intrigued at the same time, “Well, where is it?”
He smiled, “See that tarp covering my car out front?”
I looked and said, “Wow - that is huge!”
And he whispered, “And if you stroke that, you can use it to cover a house for fumigation!”
Many on tap, here’s two I didn’t see:
Two cowboys are standing on a bridge over the Rio Grande in winter, taking a piss.
1st Cowboy: “Boy that water sure is cold.”
2nd Cowboy: “Yep. Deep, too.”
A Texas oilman developed a thing for a Vegas showgirl and solicited her attentions endlessly, sending his driver to her dressing room repeatedly with pleas. Finally, she told the driver, “Okay, I’ll sleep with him, but I want a diamond ring as big as a berry, a mink wrap I can get lost in, and he has to have ten inches.”
Driver comes back and hands her a ring even bigger than a berry, a mink wrap so lavish she could use it as a bedspread, and tells her, “He says if you insist on ten inches, he’ll find some way to take care of the extra two.”
My dick is so big that its zip code has got its own zip code.
Thanks! I wish I could take credit, but my SO whipped it out (ha!) in a moment upon hearing of the thread. So I posted it for him.
My dick is so big that it pulled all of your dicks in to orbit around it.
One from comedian John Wing, about the difference between “hanged” and “hung”:
If you’re dangling from the end of a rope, you’re hanged. If you have a large organ… you work in a church.
See post #7
I really hate these kinds of large penis jokes. They make me feel really inadequate. I mean, I only have 4 inches.
But hey, some women like it that thick.
My dick is 42 light minutes from base to tip. My dick spans infinities and spawns inversions. You can measure my dick, but you’ll never understand it – though you’ll always stand under it.
I never joke about my large penis -
I could also say that my large penis never makes jokes - but it will sing to you if you hum a little.