Chips on your shoulder will get very heavy after awhile. Best get rid of them while you can.
Alway wash your hands, damn it.
If every single one of your friends tells you that your boyfriend is an asshole, and you should dump him. . .your boyfriend is an asshole, and you should dump him.
Don’t speed. Follow traffic laws. The 75 dollar ticket is bad. Having sky-high insurance rates because your license was suspended is even worse. Yes, even if it’s a stupid state law that automatically suspends your license upon getting 2 moving violations. Yes, even if it happened when you were 18 and just out of high school, and now you’re a college graduate who’s married.
Only a year and a half left of having that on my record. (The suspension date was a few months after I got the ticket, and they go by the end of the period).
Cut away from your hand. Yes, even bread.
Ignoring a problem just might make it worse. Fucking wishing wells don’t work, never have.
Okay, this one isn’t me, but a coworker’s … when you own a car, change the oil. Don’t just keep putting more oil in there when it runs out. One day her car just died and when they said “When was the last time you changed the oil?”, her response “Changed the what now?”
Or, as a friend of mine found out, if they ask if you’re an American citizen, do not say “Si, senor! Americano!”
Strip searches are not your friend.
If that fails, there’s Prozac! Making stupid people less irritating since last millenium.
Never pick up a live wire, particulalry if it’s laying in a puddle of water and crackling and hissing. A corollary to this may be: wait until the caffeine has kicked in before doing anything early in the morning.
I can attest that not only is this a bad thing, but that ironing whilst naked is equally bad.
All part of “changing your reaction.” 
Just aint true dude, though I know you were just joking 
Lesson learnt the hard way, not seeking help for depression until well into my twenties.
Why are all you people doing things naked?! Put some freakin’ pants on, fer christs sake! You should onyl need to do a few things naked:
bumping and grnding
cleaning
sleeping
For anytyign else, just put on somthing. Seriously. 
Never make adjustments inside audio equipment with your fingernail that they recommend you use a insulated screwdriver for.
I was ironing the pants and shirt. I don’t think the “bacon incident” was completely naked, just shirtless.
FWIW I was completely clothed (both times) that I picked up a live wire.
Oh, and I am impressed that you do your housework au naturel, but I usually get dressed for that.
Just because he wants to have sex with you doesn’t mean he wants to be with you. Or see you again. Or see you that next morning. And when he doesn’t answer your call he’s not playing hard to get. Also, “lets just be friends” never works, even when both parties actually want it. One always wants something more than the other.
A one hour commute to work really really does suck. You never get used to it, it sucks everyday.
It doesn’t pay to be easily insulted. If they are my friends, they didn’t really mean it. If they aren’t my friends, why the heck do I care?
This should be a sticky at the top of every forum on every internet message board. Everywhere.
Justice and the law are two largely unrelated concepts. You’re unlikely to find the former; avoid the latter at all costs.
Don’t do any of the idiotic things you think of when you’ve been drinking.
When you feel a urinary tract infection coming on, it means that it is already there. Do not drink a gallon of cranberry juice and pray that it will go away. It will not.