Try to learn from other people’s mistakes - no matter how much fun they are, you don’t have to make them all yourself.
Always check for cats before putting the recliner in the upright position, and before closing cabinets and closets.
I had to resurrect this thread because of something I saw at work today which reminded me of what I learned the hard way oh-so-not-very long ago:
If at all possible, never, never, never, ever make an important, potentially life-changing decision when you are tired, angry, sick, anxious, or otherwise not yourself. My rule of thumb is that if I don’t feel comfortable talking to my mom in a certain mood, then I shouldn’t be making large decisions until I feel better. It is for this reason that I am all for mandatory rest periods for doctors on long shifts at hospitals.
In fact, when you’re not feeling yourself, it’s best not to say too much if you can avoid it. Just ride it out and start the decision making process when everything looks a little more manageable.
Jesus, the number and sheer scale of the mistakes I made before I learned that piece of hard-won wisdom.
And a more minor lesson: Your body weight is like the ocean. It’s best not to turn your back on either. 
When pulling out of a mall parking space, be absolutely sure there isn’t a pole in the way before making the turn, especially if you see nothing but open space on both sides. Lost two left-front fenders to those damn idiotically-placed poles.
Selling back used games, movies, or any kind of books is an absolute last-gasp desperation measure, and you’ll get back at best a small fraction of what you originally paid. Always rent first if possible, and always consider the possibility that you’ll be stuck with it before buying.
There’s one correct way to deal with a university fundraiser: Give a terse refusal and hang up right then and there. Trying to let them off politely only makes them desperate, and you don’t want to deal with a desperate university fundraiser.
“West” can mean west-southwest or west-northwest. Make sure you pick the right one, or you could be going on an unplanned 3-hour sightseeing tour of the countryside.
Weight: The more you lose, the more you gain. (Although thankfully the reverse is also true, so no need to get suicidal or anything.)
I don’t actually drive better when I’m drunk!!!
At least nobody died.
When something goes wrong with something valuable (house/vehicle, come to mind) FIX IT!! Don’t let it escalate into a disaster because you’re ‘too busy/stressed, or whateer to deal with it right now’
(Facing major water damage in bathroom, cause I ignored a ‘small’ leak.)
That is solid gold.
My addition.
You may know your stuff. You may have done it before. It has worked.
The plumbing inspector is not going to agree with you. If you pull a permit. Follow code.
Always watch where you are walking. You may run into a stobie pole. http://www.seenobjects.org/2004-06-19-stobie-pole for those who havent heard of a stobie pole.
Not to stick your fingers in an empty light bulb socket of a lamp that’s still plugged in.
Sad thing is…I learned this at about age 15.
Actually, I did the same thing, but I was five. Felt like I was being attacked all over by ants armed with sewing needles.
Yeah, that was it, now that I think about it. That described it well.
Freshly-oiled, pristine anti-aircraft guns overlooking Harare are unlikely to be from “one of those real-life historical museum thingies”.
Armed guards do not like UK tourists taking photos of said anti-aircraft guns.
They like it even less when you jump in the gunner’s seat “to give it a spin”.
Armed guards who’d nipped off for a tea-break leaving anti-aircraft guns unattended can be [del]bribed[/del] encouraged to forget for $50.
I’ve learned the following things are not good to say to your boss:
[ol]
[li]“I don’t see what the problem is, we used a silencer”[/li][li]“Why would I want to play golf, its about as interesting as watching flys …”[/li][li]“if he didn’t want to be harrased, he shouldnt have told me he was your nephew”[/li][li]“Hi, I’m BDGR, I’m guess I’m your bitch now”[/li][li]“Another funeral? Is your whole family on death row?”[/li][/ol]
You will never fill an inside straight.
Never eat at a restaurant that has a Cook Wanted sign out front.
It doesn’t matter how much you love the person you’re living with-- if you’re not married (and even if you are, in some cases), do NOT do any of the following:
- Open a joint checking account.
- Buy a car together.
- Get a pet together.
You will live to regret it if things don’t work out, and they often don’t.
On a related note, my advice is: never date someone that you wouldn’t want to be friends with after the break up. The exes who were decent guys and with whom I had a meaningful relationship are still friends of mine; the ones who were wrong for me, or to me, I don’t talk to and I avoid when I see them out in public.
Your health is your #1 concern. Sadly, it may not be your doctor’s. He is busy, sees a lot of weird shit every day, and may not know you well enough to understand what’s going on with you. Find a doctor who actually gives a damn, spends the time to listen to you, gives you several options, and never makes you feel coerced into doing something you really think is going to be bad for you, feel like you’re crazy/stupid/clueless, or that you’re wasting his precious time. Get a second opinion, or better yet, get another doctor. I am not advocating ignoring a doctor’s advice; I’m advocating finding a doctor who makes you feel comfortable and really listens to you, does research, and pays attention. This goes for veterinarians too, btw.
If your gut is telling you that the favor your friend is asking for is Too Much, and the whole thing is a Bad Idea, then for Og’s sake, say no, immediately and firmly. Real friends will understand. If you decide later that your first instinct was wrong and you were just being too paranoid, you can still extend an offer. The opposite isn’t true: attempting to weasel out after you have made a committment to help is a real low-class move. Strike that. NO class. You will feel like an asshole, because you are.
Bonus Lesson: When you’ve stupidly agreed to help, then attempted to back out, then felt like the shit-weasel you are and agreed to do the favor anyway, and then things go exactly as badly as you originally predicted, S. T. F. U. You have absolutely no moral or ethical high ground.
Do not wear one of those Hairigami devices in your hair when you go through airport security. It’s made out of metal and will trigger the detector. It happened to me on Friday and one of the security guards had to give me a pat down, which entailed frisking me all up in my bra area with the side of her hand. It was just like that SNL sketch.
When playing hide and go seek, do not crawl up on the shelf in the bedroom closet to hide, because it will not support your weight. It will come crashing down in a big embarrassing mess of clothes and hangers, and the exchange student that is staying in that room will laugh at you.
You know the water that lucky bamboos sit in? Cats should not drink that water. It causes them to cough and/or dry heave, and it’s no fun to see.
I know this sounds weird, and thank god/og I still have both legs
If you are in the vicinity of a minefield and start getting suspicious of your guide’s skills, TRUST YOURSELF. The worst thing to hear when near a minefield is not bang. It’s oh…
Bang.
When fixing a doorbell, either disconnect the electricity or open the door. Last thing you want is to find yourself shaking and wondering what the hell is that buzzing.
‘I know she’s fucked in the head. I love her even more for that’. You think you might be setting yourself up here?
I don’t get the people laying it on the customs officers. Last time I was in Greece, I was asked ‘YOU! you khave bomb?’.
‘No, just whiskey’. Worked fine.
Then again my friend got the following
:: officer examining white bottle very, very intently::
‘What this’
‘Maalox’
‘Huh?’
‘Medicine, for heartburn’
‘BURN WHAT!!???’
(my friend: short, dark, hairy Arab man boarding an aeroplane)
in relationships just because you aren’t the right person doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with you.
Don’t settle for less than your partner being madly in love with you.
Value your work, if you don’t no one else will.
Strive to do each task to the best of your ability, Remember the Shakers making each chair as if an angel would be sitting in it. Take pride in what you do.
Remember everybody else is just trying to get to the end of the day just like you.
If you are in an abusive relationship… get out. Be it friend or lover, it ain’t easy but you will be better off in the long run. Seriously. Get out. They won’t change. Get out. They never do. It will always be your fault. Get out. And if they ae abusive to someone else, it might be your turn next. Get out. No matter what you do it will never be enough because THEY ENJOY BEING ABUSIVE. Get out!!!
True. The logical corollary to this is, never lend money to a friend, family member, or SO with the expectation of getting it back. Consider it a gift and be surprised and gratified when it comes back to you, or DON’T LEND IT. Friendships and relationships (including the familial) have been destroyed by money issues.