Shit where you eat.
Intentionally impregnate your wife, even though she isn’t ready. Twice. Get really drunk one night, years later, and confess.
Commit to things you know you won’t complete.
Order the most expensive steak on the menu. Request it well done. Eat it with ketchup.
Join the military. After finishing bootcamp tell anyone and everyone you meet that John Anthony Walker is your hero.
Now, this is going too far!
Order milk at a bar. 
-Go up and slap your boss on the ass. Bonus points if you’re different genders.
-Some guy in Nigeria needs your help and you’ll end up with lots of money. Cool!
-If you need a babysitter, call Michael Jackson.
When a cop pulls you over for speeding, be sure to insult him. Insinuate his parents were never married. Make sudden moves toward the glove box.
At work, surf the net instead of doing your job.
Call in a bomb threat to a school/airport/courthouse. Be sure to leave your full name.
Is your house messy? For extra cleaning power. mix bleach and ammonia!
Artists, are you wondering where to store your linseed oil rags? How about an old bucket? Be sure to put it next to the heater.
So no one takes you or your cause seriously? Blow something up! That’ll get their attention and show them you mean business.
Those bison at the national park sure look friendly. Put your kid on the back of one of them and take a cool picture!
Having trouble paying off one of your credit cards? Simply get a cash advance on another card and use that! Then, when you have to pay the cash advance off that card, simply take the money from the card you originally paid off and use that. Easy!
Petrol’s really expensive at the moment. The nice people at the petrol station won’t mind if you fill up now and promise to come back on payday to fix them up for the money.
The expiration date on Milk is just a suggestion!
Don’t worry about turning your cellphone off on aircraft- the pilot can see where he’s going just fine and won’t need his fancy navigational equipment for the couple of minutes you’ll be on the phone.
It goes without saying that I in no way condone actually trying or doing any of these…
Had a kid to save your marriage. That always works.
We ought to throw some politics and religion into this thread, doncha’ think?
Joke about ‘the wife’ having a bomb just as you pass though those special doors at the airport. Don’t worry about being arrested; you’re a Member of Parliament.
Post links to child porn as comments on all the most popular social networking sites, news sites, and blogs. Sign your posts with your real name and address. They can’t arrest you for just saying things, can they?
Tell the one man who can help you achieve your PhD that you won’t fix the grades of basketball players, especially when you are at a Division I program that regularly qualifies for the NCAA Tournament.
Have deep ties to racketeers, then go out into a rural area with them and no one else you know.
Smash another man’s telephone at a business meeting, just to show who the boss is. Have it then turn out that that man is in a position to offer contracts.
When you invite a girl you’ve been wanting to have sex with for awhile over to your place, leave used condoms and open wrappers visible in the trash can.
Want to buy that big house even though it’s 10x your gross annual salary and you haven’t saved a cent for a down payment?
“Screw down payments!” I say.
“Screw living within your means!” I say.
Just get two loans. One for the house, one for the down payment. Easy-peasy.
Can’t afford those monthly payments?
Adjustable rate mortgages with the low teaser rates are your best friend. NOW you can afford it. Don’t worry if rates go up, just refinance and lock in with a fixed rate when your salary can afford it. Everybody gets annual raises right?
Still not convinced? Hey, realestate value only goes two directions. Up and up. If things go wrong you sell the house and by then you’ll be selling it for way more than you bought it for. You still come out ahead.
It’s a win-win my friend. You can have your cake AND eat it too.
Order a Shirley Temple at a bar (I’ve actually done this).
Fix the hole in your getaway car’s tire with a thick coat of latex paint.
Vote for John McCain!
I’m told Iraq is a lovely place to visit this time of year.
Piss off Jack Bauer.
Hey Kids! Want a new toy? Mercury is shiny and fun.
Did you drink too much last night? Just call in sick at work and drink some more. If you still feel bad tomorrow do it again. Don’t worry, your boss will undertand.
Bear cubs make neat pets. The mother bear has several cubs and won’t mind if you take one.
Mice are cute. Let them live and breed in your house.
Tired of all the bad and scary things in life? Ignore them! It’s a proven fact that if you ignore the bad stuff and just think happy thoughts, bad things go away on their own.