You’ve never lived in Australia, have you? 
Hey, let’s put peanut butter AND jelly in the same jar! That’s less jars to open up.
Even better, let’s add croutons to the jar too. One jar, one spoon = less cleanup.
[/balatantly ripping off Brian Regan joke]
Become a Christian Scientist and make this your official doctrine!
Don’t vaccinate your kids or pets. Why should you? Everyone else vaccinates theirs.
Lie down on the highway and make people drive around you.
Walk out into the ocean and dive down as far as you can go while holding your breath. Then let it out.
Sit on a fire ant hill.
Go to the zoo and climb into the lions’ enclosure. Or tigers or bears, whichever.
Smoke.
Approach strange men and ask them to take you for a ride.
Fluffernutter sandwiches: Consume four a day.
A treehouse makes an excellent vantage point for taking awesome photos of an approaching tornado.
Afraid gasoline prices will go up? Buy a whole bunch now! Make sure to store gallons and gallons of it in plastic gas cans in your closet where your main AC unit is running. (gotta keep 'em cold, right?)
Get every credit card you possibly can, max them all out. Spend over year doing this, then declare bankruptcy! After seven years, do it again! (I once pulled a credit report for people who had done this).
(blinks) How do you get credit again after doing that?
Buy stocks on margin!
How could that go wrong?
They had to wait seven years, then they did it somehow.
If you don’t like paying cell phone bills, ignore them. When you finally get cut off, get a new phone with a new company. Act surprise when someone pulls your credit report and there are a ton of unpaid cell phone bills on it.
This is happening with about a third of the reports I pull. Cell phone companies are getting very thorough (or nasty, during on your POV) with reporting unpaid bills on credit reports.
Go ahead and tell your little sister, to do, as you have done.
Tell her to go ahead and live her life, in sheer misery, in the House of the Rising Sun.
Hit the pool 5 minutes after your sandwich.
Brown tie, blue suit.
Cher.
Show up drunk to your own wedding. Fun for all involved!
Go deer hunting wearing dull brown clothes and antlers if possible. You will be able to get closer to the deer before firing.
If the federal government angers you, threaten to kill the president. You will get faster action that way.
Take off all of oyur clothes and crawl into the holding tanl of a porta-potty with your cell phone.
I recently made green eggs by mashing avocado with semi-hardboiled eggs. Never again.
Why don’t you offer to pick up the nice, harmless, friendly guy standing by the side of the road and give him a lift home?
Is there a story behind this?
The yummiest cocktail in the world is Bailey’s with a wedge of lemon. Try it!
If your toilet is clogged, use the litter box. Fluffy comes and cleans it up for you! And you don’t even have to clean out the box after that-Fido will just eat it right up!
If you’re fighting with your mom and dad, call 911 to report that they’re abusing you. When Dad hangs up the phone, then the nice police officer will come and congratulate you for your clever thinking.*
Join the Church of Scientology.
*[sub]I did this when I was thirteen[/sub]