Shift foreman: “So why should I care if that guy inspecting our factory floor is from Osha…that’s just a small town in Wisconsin isn’t it?”
A gun is a great tool for everyday use. You can turn on your TV with it, use it in place of a drill, and wave it around to get attention. Point it at people and pull the trigger as a joke-it’s not loaded!
At parties, you can load it, and shoot it in the air-instant confetti!
His name is Ken.
peace
mark
Link to several photo threads, then ask people to look through the pictures and vote on the question of “Who is the ugliest Doper?”
Get real drunk and fall sound asleep surrounded by your good Army buddies, who have sharpies and cameras.
Heck, for that matter, start a land war in Asia.
I not only come up with bad ideas, I carry them out.
(sometimes the only way to succeed is to first fail)
Burning trash? Go on, pitch that spray can in. It’s empty, isn’t it?
Wasn’t a national park, but Custer State Park in South Dakota. I stopped two Hawaiian teenagers before they got to the big bull they planned to pose on top of for their father. Having walked straight past a warning sign to do so.
If you’re out deer hunting, assume any movement must be a deer and open fire immediately. Especially if you’re hunting with your children or friends.
When handing a loaded firearm to a friend, point it straight at them with your finger on the trigger. Bonus points if the hammer is cocked. (I’ve had two people do this to me. Not fun.)
Going all the way down to the basement to turn off the circuit breaker is a time-wasting and unnecessary step when doing electrical work. Just be careful and make sure the wires don’t tou
Turn that 4.0 GPA in highschool into a partial scholarship to Harvard, borrow the remainder of the money, work your ass off for six years to get that MBA, get married immediately, start having babies immediately after that, and flush your entire life and ambitions down the fucking toilet.
Ooooo…did that smart a little?
It doesn’t seem smart to me.
Knock up Chuck Norris’s daughter.
[sub]Or his wife[/sub]
.
I can’t believe no one has given you credit for this bit of genius.
To give a bit of corollary advice: When someone asks you if you’re a god, say no.
For your next big crime, pick the city with the largest population of super -heroes.
Send taunting clues to the newspaper.
When your missus asks you what things you dont like about her body answer her honestly.
Tell her you think that her sister is hot.
Criticise her friends.
Just say yes.
ISTR that a Canadian MP did joke in this way and was arrested… back in the early nineties or even late eighties, long before the current paranoia.
Nevertheless: intelligent, ambitious young women like my 22-year old grand-niece do it every day. Next month, actually. Makes me want to shake her until her brain rattles.
Chuck Norris’s daughter knocks you up! (Only Chuck Norris Genes could get a Man pregnant)