If you challenge Han Solo with a sword when he has a gun, make sure you do all sorts of sword waving before you attack him, so people know you’re really a cool sword swinging wild & crazy guy.
Be sure to tell the Mongol Emissary that they don’t have the balls to burn the city down and kill every man, woman and child in the city when the walls finally fall.
Make sure your Doomsday Device has a large and obvious countdown timer. No need to worry about battery backup for it, either- mains power will suffice. You can even use a standard extension lead to plug it into the wall!
Ok, now what?
Is it supposed to burn when I pee?
At least one person got that.
I live 20 miles north of Kenosha.
Then lead a singalong of La Marseillaise in a nightclub when everybody else wants to sing Die Wacht am Rhein! Don’t worry, they’ll join right in!
Put your own money in the show.
Bet all the money you can get your hands on on Big Brown.
Telling your current girlfriend what a sexual dynamo your ex was in the sack.
Vote Democrat.
Store the only prints of a large number of movies in the same vault, don’t make any backup prints, and do nothing to make the vault fireproof.
(Sadly, some people never do learn this one…)
Tell a Hillary Clinton supporter, “Eh, sometimes you win, sometimes you lose.”
When your significant other announces she is appearing on The Jerry Springer Show, where she will reveal a big surprise, go on with her. It can only be good news.
- Start a thread claiming to have the answer to 14k of p in a f g d.
- Don’t give the answer.
- Profit!
…oh, for og’s sake, give us the answer to 14 k of p in a f g d. All will be forgiven.
whispers…Actually, I think I got the P and the F backwards.
That, too, is a bad idea!
Too funny! A local channel just started showing repeats of Murder She Wrote.
. . .or Republican.
When I am putting together something very complicated with lots of paperwork and I have all the papers in various piles trying to get them together right, don’t come up and start rearranging all the papers because “it’s better and easier to do it this way.”
People have been killed for doing less.
Choose a credit card based on how cute their commercials are. Never pay more than the minimum payment. Use every one of those nifty checks they send with the bill.
Soak your shirt and hair in Axe, chug a half-pint of Jack, and grab the ass of the first foxy chick that comes out of the tae kwan do parlor.
Go to the Drama Building on campus in a downpour. Right after classes let out, stand in the rain, screaming, "Stelllllllaaaaaa! Heey, Stellaaaaaaaa! No, wait a minute, that might work.
Late at night, dial zero on the phone. Tell the operator, “This is an obscene call.”
In a shopping mall, go to the Information kiosk and ask, “Why does the porridge-bird lay its egg in the air?” Ask to page Mr. Ahk Lem.