My ‘little black book’ contains a list of everyone who has ever wronged me and I update it every night before bed without fail.
My ‘little white book’ contains a list of everyone in the world who has never wronged me and I cross a few people out every day.
How odd. I have a “little green book” which I fill with all of my thoughts about the environment every day.
I spent years cataloging rodent droppings in a “little red book,” under my pen name, Mousey Dung.
I stole @kenobi_65 's collection of mouse dung and used it judiciously to take revenge on a few of the people who have wronged me.
I once saw a Judicious Mouse Dung show at CBGB.
Whenever the Department of Agriculture has an asparagus-related emergency, they call me. Their nickname for me has become ‘The Tip of the Spear’.
Thanks to a well-timed USDA announcement, I once almost cornered the market in Frozen Concentrate Orange Juice futures.
Fortunately, I was able to thwart Elendil’s Heir’s get-rich-quick scheme.
I’m embarrassed to admit this, but I was so aroused by that moniker that I spent several weeks and an inordinate amount of cash trying (unsuccessfully, as it turned out) to track down Ferris IRL.
When women hear my nickname they typically spend several weeks and an inordinate amount of cash (successfully) making sure they never have anything to do with me, ever.
Whenever I need to ‘disappear’ in order to avoid someone, I book a room at a very discreet hotel in Cairo.
I’m a front-desk clerk at a very discreet hotel in Cairo, and I make a nice side income by ratting out people who are trying to avoid other people.
I worked security at the Cairo hotel, turns out it the big sneak in was booze, not broads. 
My favourite pistachios are the ones whose shells are really hard to get open - I just get a greater sense of satisfaction from eating them when I know the effort it took to prise them out.
I want my death certificate to read: Cause of death - cashew overdose
I want MY cause of death to read ‘withheld by reason of government security’.
-“BB”-
I can arrange that.
Where’s my memo pad…hmmm…
I don’t have a memo pad, because I never forget anything.
I forget about half of everything I ever learn, but then I remember it again exactly a week later. It’s very distracting.