Hey local men and/or women, can you come up with any Onion-quality headers? I’ll start:
Political analysis: Top 100 Republican candidates most likely to win 2016 presidential nomination
White House dog weighs in on Greek financial troubles, licking balls
Man successfully shoots fireworks from his head, plans repeat performance eight beers from now
Retiring prostitute recounts favorite penises
**Donald Trump delivers scathing review of Newark Mexican restaurant on Yelp
Alabama woman decides to drop Confederate flag panties after repeated whiskey sours**
Onion finds Republican Governor NOT running for President
Reader’s Digest ‘The Body Issue:’ Magazine unveils three covers featuring nude Fannie Flagg, Tom Clancy, Dr. Ruth Westheimer
Local Teen dragged to cousin’s nuptials declares, "This wedding is Gay."
USWNT wins some game or something
Confederate Flag spotted at NASCAR event, single black fan appalled
Mike Huckabee converts to Islam, prepares for pilgrimage to mecca.
Elon musk invests in new company that seeks to turn blown up rocket parts into Jamba juice ingredients.
Local man feels he got his money’s worth at nearby all you can eat buffet.
Frustrated with growing liberalism of Fox news, conservative commentators call for creation of new conservative network which will feature 24/7 user uploaded photos of flags.
Gay movement celebrates victory in supreme Court, prepare for invasion of czechoslovakia as next step in global plan.
Travelling businessman partially pulls up pants when wife’s phone call interrupts hotel room masturbation
Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer not really surprised no one noticed he hasn’t been at work for past three years
Family crisis forces husky boy to become doughy man
That’s Area Man, thank you very much.
From my facebook post when Trump announced he’s running:
Donald Trump officially asks nation to stroke his ego for several months.