I’m getting married in December, and I’m planning to keep my name. Are there logistical issues that I need to be aware of? For example, what if people send us checks made out to Mr. & Mrs. HisName? Will the bank still cash it when my account is under my name (MyFirst MyLastName)?
What about other legal documents? Are there logistical issues where having different names is a problem?
What I did during the first couple years I was married and people would give me a check made out with my first name and husband’s last name, was just endorse the check with MyFirstName/MyLastName/HisLastName and deposit it in my account. Never had a problem, and people got over it after awhile and started addressing things properly. 
I would imagine it would also be no problem at all if you plan on getting a joint checking account with both your names on it, because that would obviously show that you have a relationship.
Legal documents aren’t a problem, since you’ll be initiating those and can put whatever names on them you want. Tax forms, same thing.
The only logistical problem we get from time to time is if I make an appointment or a reservation in my name, we go together, and someone then calls the Mr. by my last name. He doesn’t like that too much but it’s easy to correct.
My wife kept her maiden name - it has never been an issue for either of us. Not once. Kinda scary since we just have our say-so to go by: “I’m here to pick up that prescription for my wife, Ms. Not-Wordman - but she is my wife” and they hand it right over…
I still technically have my maiden name as my legal name (though in a non-business setting I use my married name, but for immigration reasons, I just kept my maiden name so as to avoid more paperwork). I have a shared account with my husband, and I am able to cash his checks or checks addressed to Mr. & Mrs. MarriedName.
The first couple of times I showed up at my bank branch, they requested ID, but they no longer do. It’s really not a problem at all, so far, and it’s been 2.5 years since we’ve gotten married.
Though I must admit, I still giggle inwardly when I hand my husband my debit card to pay for a meal (same account, my card was just easier to get out of my purse rather than have my husband wrangle his wad of cards from his back pocket), and the service-person who hands it back looks at my husband and says “Thank you, Mr. MyMaidenName.” Hee. Cute. My husband takes it all in stride and good humour, not being easily offended by such things, though there was one time I was rolling in the aisles at the grocery store, when the cashier nervously handed my card back to my husband and said, “Your card… er… Stasia, is it, sir?” BWAHAHA!
Pepper Mill kept her maiden name, as did a couple of other women I know. In each case their original names had a euphony the “married” name lacked. Pepper told me that, before we were married, she spent a day saying “(her real first name) (My real last name)” to see how it sounded. It sounded awful. I have to agree. We’ve never had any problems, even with checks. Sometim,es she gets called by my last name or me by hers, but that just shows that the caller doesn’t know us. It immediately screens out telephone calls asking for money.
The law states you can use any name you golly well please, as long as you are not trying to defraud. There has never been a law that a married woman had to take her husband’s name, something that surprised 1970’s traditionists to hell and back. It’s only a custom.
I took my husband’s name when I married, and after I divorced I meant to go back to my maiden name, but there was this account and that account to switch over, and my business cards, and this paperwork to update, and, well, I just never got around to it. I’m still planning to change it back officially, but in casual use I’ve gone back to my maiden name. I have a bank account in one last name, and a credit card in the other, but it’s never been a problem for me.
Yes, I find that not taking my husband’s surname makes for a useful way of getting rid of telemarketers. The standard conversational exchange goes:
“Hi, is <husband> there?”
“No, he’s at work.”
“Oh, what would be a better time to reach him?”
“… not during normal business hours …” (This always boggles the hell out of me. You want to talk to a wage-earner and are stunned that he’s not at home at 2pm on a weekday?)
“Ah. Uh, could we speak to Mrs. <surname>?”
“There’s nobody here by that name.”
“Oh. Okay. Have a nice day, ma’am.”
“You too.”
I have to say that having been married three times (third time’s a charm, right?) it’s a helluva lot easier to just keep your maiden name.
I took my husband’s last name the first two times and changed back both times after the divorce. This time I decided I wasn’t going through that hassle again.
The freaking cell phone company wanted a copy of my divorce papers/marriage certificate to change my name on my cell phone account. :rolleyes:
I’m sure my current family confuses people as the three of us, my husband, my daughter (by my first husband) and I all have different last names.
Still, I haven’t had any problems with it.
People write out checks to me all the time using my “not married” name. They assume my last name (socially - professionally people don’t have a clue what the rest of my family is named). Bank doesn’t care, they get it all the time - I suppose if my husband name were not also on the account it might be more of a problem, but they easily see that the names “sort of” match.
I agree that its harder to change it than to live with it. People seem really indulgent when I say “oh, I kept my maiden name.”
One word of advice would be not to get your panties in a bunch when everyone doesn’t remember. If my kid’s teachers want to call me Mrs. Theirlastname, that is fine with me. I correct them once - in case there is some legal issue later so they can’t say “she never said anything.” But after that, whatever. I also don’t care how Christmas cards and wedding invitations are addressed. But most of my problems have been social, not legal.
Haven’t really had any issues with it. Our wedding was small and on short notice, so most people just gave us cash. When phone calls come for Mrs. Hisname, I ask who’s calling first, in case it’s the new dentist’s office or something (which happened once), and then I either politely correct them or go into my anti-telemarketing spiel. We don’t have kids and don’t plan to, so that has probably simplified things a lot.
People occasionally think we’re living in sin. The vet’s office thought so for about 10 or 12 years, until I mentioned something about our wedding and his assistant was quite surprised!
I don’t throw an outward hissy fit when people (family, friends) address things to Mr. and Mrs. Hisname, but it does gall me. I always use our correct names when sending stuff to them, and they can’t be arsed to notice and get my name right, which I consider a basic courtesy.
This is second-hand information.
My sister kept her married name for the first several years of her marriage. Then she had some medical issues, and needed to deal frequently with her husband’s insurance company (she was self-employed, so she was covered under his policy). Apparently, the people at the insurance company frequently screwed things up simply because their last names were different, so she decided to go ahead and start using his last name. As far as I know, most of the problems stopped after that. This could have been an isolated situation, of course.
My mother and sister both kept their maiden names, my mother for 35 years. It caused a bunch of fun when I was growing up, because we had six people in the family and three last names: my dad, me, and my brother had Lastname1, my mom had Lastname2, and my older brother and sister from Mom’s first marriage had Lastname3. No one could ever figure out what was going on with us, and you get used to getting called by the wrong last name pretty quickly.
My sister’s a vet, so technically she’s Dr. Lastname3, but will answer to Mrs. Husbandslastname socially. Their daughter is Husbandslastname.
My passport is still in my maiden name, even though I haven’t used that name in almost 10 years. I made my plane reservations for a trip to Germany in my maiden name so as to match my passport. All the rest of my travel reservations (car and hotels) were made out in my married name so as to match my credit cards. I had no problem with it at all - as long as the money spends I don’t think anyone cares what you call yourself.
I’m now divorced, and very angry with my father, so I investigated changing my last name to my mother’s name instead of my maiden name, and the process for doing so just seemed to be too much of a hassle. I’m currently dating my ex-husband (let’s just say I’m a big fat moron who should never have left) so I decided to leave it as my married name since it seems a decent chance we’ll get back together.
mrs jjimm has never changed her name in the 4 years we’ve been married, and it’s actually proved easier than otherwise. Her course of action was: do nothing. It’s worked out fine, though we’ve never had a cheque named for my last name.
Honestly, some people it bothers me with, some people it doesn’t. But it doesn’t seem worth it to me to waste the emotional energy on. Some people are always going poke in this manner - some of those people you have to deal with (Grandma, the Aunts), some you don’t (‘friends’), some really can’t be expected to know (Christmas cards from my husband’s coworkers).
Thanks for all the info.
I am planning to use his name socially so if people call me Mrs. HisName, that’s ok. I just want to be able to still use my name professionally and in some other places as I choose. I just wanted to make sure there won’t be huge hassles.
If people think we’re shacked up… well, we are right now anyway so what’s the difference?
I didn’t change my name for any reason. I don’t get upset if someone calls me by my husband’s last name socially, but I never introduce myself with his name. I had a bit of confusion exactly once- during my first pregnancy, I changed jobs, and had to use my husband’s insurance. The doctor for some reason thought we had gotten married after the pregnancy started and told me his insurance might not cover the pregnancy. Aside from that- no problems. If someone writes a check to me using my husband’s last name, I just sign it with both last names.
The people who end up with the most confusion at my job are the ones who aren’t consistent with their names. There are a number of women I know who on all official documents use a hyphenated name. However, when introducing themselves, they only use one name (usually the husband’s). We usually refer to each other using only last names, and for some reason people seeing Herlastname-Hislastname on documents don’t connect that to the person they know as Hislastname.