Argh. Off to write out “Zirak-zigil is not Caradhras, Zirak-zigil is Celebdil” fifty times, in tengwar. Now someone please cut this petard!
holds up empty tankard and calls out “Si man i yulma nin enquantuva?”
You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
That was a kind of petard that the forces of Saruman used to breach the walls of Helm’s deep.
Makes you think- these powerful evil wizards and demigods would have been better off using a few more petards and other explosive devices if they were serious about winning that war.
Good point, although in the book it’s not at all clear what the “fire of Orthanc” is, or who is capable of making it. Although Gandalf’s been setting off fireworks for quite a few years, we don’t know what sort of technology/magic is involved in either case.
Also, Sauron was goaded into an all-out attack before he was ready. For all we know, he might have been working on the Middle-earth equivalent of an A-bomb.
Qadgop is some kind of mad genius, isn’t he.
And YES, I screwed up about Caradhras! So shoot me, OK? 
Yes. And he’s a medical doctor.
I sometimes think we’ll learn his real name in a fascinating segment on the news.
". . . had apparently been conducting experiments on the prisoners for years. Officials only noticed when the inmates began to turn green and grow fangs. "
[cut to shot of Qagdop being led away by the police]
“You puny men are not fit to judge me! I am Morgoth returned! I will cover all the world in shadow! The age of men is over! It is my time now!”
[Cut to shot of cell where a goblin man kneels before an odd shrine]
“I bow before the clawed hand clad in sterile latex. He shall destroy our enemies. He shall give us feasts. He shall get us all conjugal visits with bootylicious women.”
I prefer to think of myself as Olorin returned. With a bit of an attitude. And a willing army of servants I won’t have to breed. Indeed, I am Saruman the white, as he could have been! 
Yeah, I guess that Saruman the White could have been slithering on the transship hull, if he wanted.