Hey y’all.Sorry this thread may get a bit graphic / sexually frank.
I recently posted about my lack of interest in relationships after my most recent breakup in November. You can look up that thread if you like. I just don’t have the interest in having relationships right now. But I’ve come to acknowledge today something else has happened. My sex drive has ground to a near halt. I don’t even really masturbate much now. I used to have such a high sex drive. I realized today that in my last four relationships, all of my partners were either uncomfortable with sex, or I was given criticism that my sex drive was too high. I never engage in sex with partners without consent…and while I advocated for it in my relationships I always would stop if I felt in any way I was being pushy. Even my partner from over three years ago complained about my sex-drive (though she also enjoyed it at times)
I think of late I’m feeling guilty about myself and how I want sex in my relationships. Like maybe I really am the one at fault here. I can’t muster up any emotions or excitement about physical relations now. And I feel sad writing this. Maybe I should go talk with someone. Has this happened to anyone else? Losing sex drive after broken relationships? I’m completely healthy and in good shape too.
Get your testosterone levels checked at your gp’s office. I’ve been on androgel for a year due to low testosterone. I experienced decreased libido, lower energy, and weight gain when testosterone dropped below normal. Mental acuity also seemed to drop with low T. 32 y/o.
I wouldn’t even worry about it. You are going through a breakup and suffering some emotional trauma. Lions experience the same thing when they loose a fight and loose their pride. You will heal and your sex drive will come right back.
I have been told that if I got morning wood then it was psychological, if no morning wood then it was physiological.
However, while this is probably a good broad brush signifier, after a divorce then a horrible breakup a few years ago, I had absolutely no interest in sex*. I don’t think I even got an erection for six months.
*Until I finally got together with a woman - then everything switched back on instantaneously as if a fuse had been replaced.
If you don’t actually have a serious related medical condition and are not intellectually worried about procreating…IMO you should thank your lucky stars that you now have other more important stuff to worry about…and I say that as an about the bottom 10 percent of the “I just gotta tap that crowd”.
Fuck, if I had a time machine…I’d go back in time…hand myself a jar of vasaline…tell myself “it ain’t fucking worth it…go cure cancer or get rich bitch”…and be done with it.
This sometimes just happens. I’m not a doctor or a psychologist, so I can’t really give advice, but I know many people (including myself) has gone through this.
Does the fact that your sex drive has lessened BOTHER you? I’d assume so since you’re posting here. If it is negatively effecting your daily life, I’d go talk to someone. Otherwise, from my experience it usually passes.
You should not feel guilt about your sex drive. Every person is different and has different needs. I am sorry to hear that you have been shamed about your high drive in the past - there is nothing wrong with you for wanting sex.
Low sex drive can be caused by anything from boredom to guilt to even things considered unrelated - such as high stress from work. I would sit down and analyze everything going on in your life. Something you’ve overlooked might actually be the cause. When I’m in these moods I try to masturbate once a day, or have sex with my partner once a day, and the feeling usually returns. THAT BEING SAID I’m not advocating you do anything against your will. These are just things that have worked for me.