It seems to me like you did have something to give; I mean, if I’m reading correctly, you didn’t “give” anything to that other fuckfaced schmuck–he TOOK it (and is, whether or not you pressed charges, a criminal for it).
You did, however, have sex freely, happily, and voluntarily with your husband, which means you gave yourself to him.
Oh, and BTW, I was 19, and had a boyfriend with chronic butt-odor with whom I wasn’t even anywhere NEAR “in love”. In fact, I was in love with someone else (an on-again, off-again ex).
So you’d THINK I’d have regrets . . . but really, I don’t. :shrug:
Of course, my next boyfriend after that considers himself to be the one to have “deflowered” me. Not because I was dishonest; I told him straight out, and repeatedly, that I’d done it with Butt-Odor Boy (whom he knew), but for some reason he REEEEEALLY needed to believe that I was a virgin with him.
In fact, he REEEEEALLY needed to believe (at that point, anyway) that he’d been the one to deflower ALL of his girlfriends, but even without ME in the picture, Honey, that was hardly the case (one of his exes before me had slept with everything breathing this side of the Mississippi–not judging her, mind you, but she sure as hell was no virgin). Nonetheless, anytime anyone tried to point out to him that this was not the case, he did the college-boy equivalent of jamming his fingers in his ears and humming: Walk away, grabbed a beer, and started playing video games with the sound up really loud. :rolleyes:
Boy, I can pick 'em, can’t I??? 
I was 20 and a year into my first relationship with a woman. At the time the relationship was serious and it seemed like the next step. We went out for another couple of years more but when she moved away I realized I didn’t miss her as much as I should if things were meant to be between us and we broke up. I didn’t regret losing my virginity then and I don’t really regret it now although it would have been nice if I had waited for the next woman I dated. I’ve been with her 21 years now.
I’ve never had sex outside of a committed relationship (I’ve only had the two) and I don’t know that I could. I think I would feel differently about losing my viginity if if my first time had been a one night stand.
I can tell you. I lost my virginity two weeks ago (I’m 17 by the way). Right now, I’m in a happy relationship with my girlfriend. I too also thought that I was going to wait until marrige, but I think that if youre sure of the feelings that you have, then its not a problem. I love my gf and I dont regret it. Some advice though:
I didnt feel weird afterward and right now, my gf and I are closer than ever.
Hey all. I’m not going to post for the next week (don’t cry too much folks:rolleyes: ). I’m going to be in France. OOH I love saying that:D . Anyway, thanks everyone for sharing your stories and advice. I’m glad to see (most) everyone doesn’t regret what happened, and JarBabyJ, I’m sorry to hear that happened, but I’m glad you have someone who you love to share it with now.
I’m pretty sure this thread will be dead by then, so thanks, one last time.
September 27, 2002. Don’t regret it now, and didn’t then. I could not have been more ready.
I did, too. I was told it was what one does. My parents pushed it, people at school pushed it, etc. It was never really my decision to think through.
When I did, the realization (to me) was that it was not something that worked for me.
That would all depend on your particular flavor of Christianity, so to speak:)
I lost mine just a bit over a year ago at age 18, to a guy who was…well…quite a bit younger than I was. We broke up shortly thereafter, resulting in a couple of painful threads here. I am now 19 and engaged to a 25 year-old guy.
I don’t regret losing my virginity to my ex. We were good friends. We remain on speaking terms. We were both virgins, and we shared something together. So it goes.
June 25, 1994 - Our Wedding Night
Me - 26, virgin
Mr Vena - 35, virgin (Yep - true)
Yes - INFINITELY glad we waited.
I’ve been on BC pills since I was 20. (Oh BTW, I had a big faith crisis too - I realized that God mattered, not which church I went to.)
Haven’t, never will. Not that it’s on purpose. I’m not saying voluntary abstinence is bad, it’s just not what I would choose. You see, I’ve got this problem where my brain is about 2 parts gray matter to 98 parts anxiety. So, I even start THINKING about going into all the courtship and ritual and gosh-does-she-like-me-or-not crap, and my nerves start quaking like Jell-O on a carriage. But, that’s not the end of it! ALL of the stuff leading to and involving sex provokes the same reaction. If the doorbell were to ring, I open it, and there stands Sandra Bullock wearing nothing but a coat, and she opens it and says “Take me, I’m yours,” I still would go into shock syndrome and likely die of heart failure. It’s completely hopeless. I’m doomed to involuntary (very very involuntary) abstinence.
The point of all this (“Oh, there’s a point?” you’re thinking) is this: sex is not evil. It’s perfectly natural, and is said to be the most pleasing experience on Earth. If you’re going to deprive yourself of it deliberatly, think hard about it. It’s the most damning fate of all to want it so, so bad, but have no chance of getting it. So, if the feeling gnaws at you, and hurts you, and makes you feel … Cold … go out there and be warmed. You don’t know how lucky you are.
I didn’t wait. To be honest, I’m glad I didn’t wait; I can’t see any benefit to waiting for marriage. No disrespect intended to those who do, but I didn’t see any reason to wait then, and I don’t now. I thoroughly enjoyed almost every sexual experience I had before meeting Mrs. RickJay. It was fun, it made me a better boyfriend/lover/fiancee/husband, and it’s part of being an adult. I no more regret it than I regret anything else I did that was fun.
I don’t buy the argument that this means you can’t “give” your spouse something. Virginity is not something you “give” someone. It’s not a box of chocolate almonds; it’s a state. You do not “lose” anything when you have sex for the first time. The concept of “giving your virginity” to someone is, IMHO, a silly, outdated, patriarchal concept. You GAIN something when you have sex. I was not less of a person when I met Mrs. RickJay for having slept with other people, nor was she less of a person for having slept with other people, and in fact I believe it made me a better person, and her a better person.
I am absolutely certain I would have PROFOUNDLY regretted waiting.
For me, it was on my 26th birthday, with a man I fully intended to marry. He was my love, my fiance, and my best friend, and wherever he is, I wish him well.
I’m a bit nervous about getting so graphic on a message board, but there is something I feel I should point out. We’d rented a hotel room for the weekend to celebrate my birthday and provide a pleasant, private environment for our weekend plans. I’d bought a box of birth control sponges, and there was no question in my mind that I liked him, loved him, and wanted him, and those emotions were returned. Foreplay and general fooling around had already given me a taste of what was to come, so to speak. Then came THE NIGHT. I managed to get the sponge in, and nervously got into bed with him like a bride on her wedding night, which is what I considered myself. I was too nervous. It hurt, to my surprise (I didn’t realize my hymen was still intact or that it would hurt that much), putting in the sponge was gross and awkward, and, despite what I wanted, what we wanted, it wasn’t going to happen. Instead, we fell asleep in each others arms. Don’t worry, things get better.
The next day was a holiday, pure fun for both of us. We went to see a movie then the Treasures of the Atocha display. When we got back to the hotel, I put another sponge in and had a hot bath to relax and arouse. I will never forget looking into his eyes as he squirted a bath oil bead into the tub. At the risk of TMI, it was an incredibly erotic moment. Needless to say, we did go to bed, and I lost my virginity with great enthusiasm, wonder, awe, and fun. I still remember laughing when I realized that yes, bed springs really do creak in that time honored fashion! 
We made love more than once, and it got better each time, until we finally stopped from exhaustion. The only reason we didn’t make love the following morning was my muscles were protesting too much, and yes, I was walking funny.
I have no regrets about waiting. Because I liked and trusted him as well being totally in lust with him, there was no need for inhibitions or worry, just fun. Also, this devout Catholic later paid for me to get a Norplant because, in his opinion, the Pope was not speaking ex cathedra when he banned birth control.
Anyway, that’s my two cents. I know this is my engineer father’s influence, but, from a purely practical standpoint, I’m all for waiting to have sex the first time until you can do it with someone who can handle it if something goes wrong. “Wrong”, by the way, includes discussion up front about birth control and the consequences of an unintended pregnancy. They may not be the most romantic topics, which is why I’d talk about them beforehand, but to me, they’re necessary.
CJ
I was 19, and I did regret it afterwards. Not because the “loss”, but because I wasn’t in love at the time. I regret that, very much.
I was 18 and a freshman in college. I was dating a guy I thought I was madly in love with. Looking back, I was probably madly infatuated but not in love. But I was crazy about him and decided he was “the one” and that I was ready.
For some reason, I thought I had to plan everything down to the last detail. We rented a posh hotel room, had a bottle of champagne, strawberries, soft music, the works. I have to say, he was a real gentleman about the whole thing and very understanding.
I was so nervous. I kept putting off getting close to him with silly questions like “maybe we should change the music? aren’t these the best strawberries? imagine finding them this time of year! would you like another glass of champagne? this stuff is really good.” Finally he asked if I really wanted to do this. I said yes, went over to the bed… and sat a good 6’ or more away from him. He again asked if I really wanted to do this. I said I did, went over to sit next to him, he kissed me, and I burst out giggling. He decided maybe I’d do better with a back massage which relaxed me somewhat–at least I stopped giggling.
We eventually got around to it. The foreplay was nice. The actual sex act didn’t hurt so much as it was very uncomfortable. I remember thinking “this is the big deal everyone makes so much about?” It wasn’t until later that I realized, emotionally, it was a big deal for me. I didn’t regret it, but I did realize I’d done something I could never take back. That wasn’t bad, but it was the first time I’d had that feeling.
I think I did it the right way for me. Mostly, because it was with the right person. He was very nice and very understanding and I really was crazy about him. Even after we broke up (about 8 months later) we remained very good friends for a long time. And, emotionally, I was ready.
I would say to pick the right person. Mine wasn’t the love of my life, but he was someone that I felt good about having that special “my first time” bond with. And do make sure you’re emotionally ready. Speaking only for myself, I did feel different afterwards. Like I had left my childhood behind and there was no going back. For me, that was a good feeling, but it was definitely profound.
I was talking about this with a friend of mine last week about our experiences the first time. I guess I am a late bloomer or something like that because he was my first boyfriend as well. So I lost my virginity when I was 20 with my then boyfriend. We had been going out for about 3 months when we got to this point of going all the way I suppose. He wasn’t a virgin though and we stayed together for 7 years after that. It was never a ‘Beverley Hills 90210 episode’ where loosing it was discussed… like they did with i think it was Dillon and Brenda on prom night. It kind of just happened one day when we were fooling around. I didn’t think too much about it just that I trusted him, we were in a relationship and I had a great partner. But it did hurt the first time. I have no regrets whatsoever and I’m very happy that my first time was with someone that I loved and that he taught me a lot.
I gave my virginity to my lover when I was 18.
I seem to have had an uncharactaristically EXCELLENT first time that lasted 12.5 hours.
I waited for love before I was ready to enter into such a thing.
Absolutely no regrets.
I’m glad I didn’t wait for the guy I married, cause he turned out to be an ass and I divorced him. Would have been a shame to have spent anything more than I did on him.
I agree with RickJay. Don’t beat yourself over sex partners (or lack thereof). There are advantages to having sex with people other than your spouse before you marry - and hey, afterwards if that is the arrangement. And there are disadvantages. I, personally, (and this may not be true for anyone else here) am glad I had the opportunity to experience several lovers and techniques - I KNOW my husband is a good lover - and I know a few tricks I can teach him. I’d hate to be going on 40 and still wondering if “this was it.”