I agree with you. If, however, someone isn’t so much a hater of dancing but is, instead, just incredibly self-conscious about dancing, then it might be worth working on. It sucks to miss out on things because of self-consciousness. It’s fine, great even, to “miss out” on things when you don’t feel you’re missing out at all.
I have no idea if that made sense.
I put on my robe and wizard hat.
Well, think about something you’re terrifically bad at or don’t enjoy, have no interest in learning, and which makes you very self-conscious or bored or annoyed or awkward. But it might get you laid because it appeals to dudes-- NASCAR, deer hunting, watching football all day, something like that (speaking for myself). Wouldn’t you be lame if you forced yourself to do one of those things, which you are otherwise totally disinclined to do, just to meet men? It seems so desperate to me, and likely to get you involved with someone incompatible in the long run, based on false pretenses.
I mean, if you are just awkward and afraid to try dancing, but do try and find you like it, that’s cool. But if you know you dislike it and have no interest in it, and your sole reason for doing it is just to trick someone into thinking you have something in common, it’s a mistake IMO. This obviously goes for any activity, not just dancing. Dancing is just one of my pet peeves, because people are so damn insistent that you CAN do it, if you just TRY, why won’t you just give it a shot… NO. Fuck off. I’m going to stand over here and watch you, and laugh.
OK, sorry, obviously a sore spot with me. But I shunned dancing and managed to find love, so it IS possible. 
I never take mine off. I find it helps me stand out in bars and nightclubs.
The difference is, nobody who suggests that it will find you–myself included–would also suggest that you just sit around and do nothing, wondering why you aren’t getting any dates. I had a roommate like that: he would just mope around at home all damn day long and complain about how he isn’t getting laid or whatever, but he refused to do anything about it. I swear to Og I roomed with this dude for six months and during that time he literally did not go anywhere except his bedroom, his living room and his minimal-human-interaction night job, unless he was visiting immediate family–except for two unsuccessful blind dates.
Your dream job, your millions, whatever, will come to you when (if) you’re ready for them. That’s not determined by the alignment of Venus and Jupiter, the gravitational pull of the moon, or the interference of the sun god Ra. It’s determined by the things you do and the attitude you cultivate. Relationship success comes the same way. When you’re ready, it’ll happen. That doesn’t mean anyone’s telling you to just stick your thumb up your ass and wait for someone to throw you the bait. It means you cultivate a sense of confidence in yourself, you reach a point where you truly are not dependent on a fictional Perfect Woman for your happiness, you’re not freaked out by how little sex you’ve had in the last X days/months/years/whatever, and you’re out there interacting with the world so that lucky lady actually has the chance to cross paths with you.
It also means having the insight to find opportunities, and the courage to take them. These things are learned. And they’re hard as hell, especially in this society, where women are rightly taught to be afraid of strange men and striking the balance between “not interested” and “too interested” is increasingly difficult. It means having just enough tenacity, but not too much. It means knowing when to give up and move on, and it means actually being able to move on without picking up extra baggage. It’s fucking hard.
But the key, the central point, I mean really the big thing of it all is to relax and stop worrying about it. That’s literally the very first step. Learning to care less and freak out less about your failures is the one thing that will make you stand out from all the dudes who haven’t figured it out yet.
And once you find yourself in a relationship, it’s hard work to keep it going and keep everyone involved happy, as Anaamika said.
I feel that the OP was at least partially directed at me–even if you weren’t sitting there going “Damn that fetus and his worthless advice!”, and to be frank, I wouldn’t begrudge you if you were–and I’m sorry you misunderstood me. But I sure as hell didn’t say it to make you feel better. I’m so bad at that that I don’t even try anymore. (I think my last effort was at a winter formal in high school; I told a hot female friend who was having a meltdown about some minor appearance thing that nobody else noticed or cared about, “at least you don’t look like a whore like Nikki”. Come to think of it, I haven’t really used the word “whore” much since then, either.) Anyway, it keeps coming true in my own life: once I get over whatever crazy relationship thing happened to me, work out my insecurities, and learn to relax; the smiles, the chats, the dates and the propositions just start coming again. But I have to be prepared for it. It’s just starting to happen again; I’ve finally gotten over the bitterness and hurt feelings of my last relationship, swept out the desperation for sex and companionship, and all of a sudden it’s pouring in. I’m not going to rub the details in your face; the point is that you can gnash your teeth and flail around and scream and cry for years, you can read all the tutorials for how to get chicks for years, but it really happens when you just get out and do it.
And one day you’re in bed with a beautiful lady who stimulates your body and mind, and you’re the happiest people in the world, and you think, “Holy shit, how did we get here?” ‘This is not my beautiful house, this is not my beautiful wife’, etc. Then there’s the joy, the passion, the sorrow, the agony, the heartbreak, and then someday you get over it and you start all over again.
But it’s like hitting bottom. People can give you advice until they’re blue in the face and they’ll all look like a bunch of idiots because nothing will work…for days, weeks, months, years…then all of a sudden it happens, and you go, “Fuck! How did I get here? What did I do right this time?” And it won’t be because some Doper typed the magic words that unlocked your pheromones and turned you into an chick magnet, it will be because you finally found that place and did what was necessary to get there.
To be honest, dude, all that “festering maggot” stuff really tells a different story.
By Jove, he’s got it! Like I said, that’s the hardest part. And the frustrating thing is, nobody can tell you how to find the off switch. You sort of bump into it–when you’re ready. That’s what “love happens” really means, IMO.
It worked for me. I went to a game and it was like, “Holy crap it’s a cute girl! And she’s wearing a Soundgarden t-shirt! And she’s smiling at me!”
It’s D&D, by the way, not DnD. Now where’s my d20?
Brainiac4 doesn’t dance well. He intends to take dance lessons at some point in time for me. I married him anyway. And I’m not talking about club dancing - I’m talking about being able to polka at a wedding…if you can’t even get out on a dance floor at a club and bounce in rhythm and sway your shoulders a bit, there is no hope you’ll teach our daughter to waltz. (Brainiac4 doesn’t club dance well, but he will do it).
Dancing is a basic long term social skill. It isn’t a necessary one, but it is a basic one. You’ll want to dance at your own wedding. You’ll want to dance at your kid’s weddings. At some point you’ll be at a work party with swing or salsa with your wife/date. Its possible she won’t swing at all either, but if she does - or she wants to - she’ll be looking fondly at the dance floor at the geek who does. Remember that many middle class American girls spent at least some time in dance class - they know how to step ball change already.
Some of my fondest memories are dancing with my dad, having my grandfather polka me around a VFW hall in Minnesota somewhere as part of a family reunion. Watching my dad dance with my daughter. (My Dad does a modified Lindy - he came of age in the early 60s). The best “date” I ever went on was with a guy who could jitterbug when I was in high school who took me to a 50s dance (he was gay, so it wasn’t exactly a long term romance, or any romance - though I’m not sure if I or he knew that then). When you understand the amount of baggage I’m carrying around with these memories - you understand why Brainiac4 understands that its important to me. If he never gets around to those lessons, I’ll still love him though.
Oh, I wouldn’t date someone I met in a nightclub - music is too loud, its too dark, and I always dated people I’d been properly introduced to in some setting (I would date a guy I’d spend the day with in a training class). Dancing isn’t about meeting people, dancing is about retention.
Which is what I’m complaining about.
No I won’t.
No I won’t.
I’m not American.
This is all besides the point, though. As I said, I can’t learn. No, I can’t. No, you couldn’t teach me either. Nobody could. Yes, I have tried.
Guys shouldn’t have to dance to make women happy if they don’t like dancing! I mean, I’ll bet a lot of guys in 1930’s Gemany joined the Nazis just to meet girls, too!
(I always think its a compliment to the OP to Goodwinize his thread - it says it was a good idea for a topic and so it’s gone on long enough merit this mark of longevity)
It was a roundabout way of saying I’m taking babysteps, and it’s working for me.
I think you’re totally missing the point here. I’m not trying to fake my way into True Love by pretending to be something I’m not. I’m trying to explore my options and open up social paths. I’m trying to figure out what works and what doesn’t. My social life is in reboot mode right now, and I’m rediscovering what I’m all about.
I’ve always hated dancing. I’ve always hated clubs. I knew that 20 years ago. But you know what? I’m not the same person I was 20 years ago. I’m doing things now that I love that 20 years ago I would have found unthinkable.
You accuse me of being inauthentic. What could possibly be more authentic than rediscovering who I am? What could possibly be more honest than finding new ways to connect with the world?
Dude, that was so last Friday! What’s today? Wednesday? I’ve moved on. I’ve learned. Stop living in the past, man!
But that was one excellent post.
I don’t think I’m particularly attractive, but I do know that when I was in college, a lot of my classmates assumed I had a boyfriend “back home” and the guys “back home” that I had one in college.
Guess I should have obtained a T-shirt saying “available” or something 
That’s a really disturbing thing to read on a site devoted to fighting ignorance.
Priceguy, I’m female and you can’t pay me enough to dance. There was only dancing at our wedding because we didn’t know what else to do with all those people (in fact, I think I started a thread about it). During “our” song, we shuffled around miserably for a little while and then quit in the middle.
As Rubystreak said, stick to your guns!
Go teach a tone-deaf man to sing opera. Report back.
Hey, I’ve done that! It was frustrating, but I got the job done.
Funny.
A she-elf looks you up and down and says “That’s hawt!”
Roll a d100.