Well heres a thought?
I’m going to confront her probably at the bar wednesday night (she opens) no one ever shows up there until around 9 or 10 so we will be able to talk if she doesn’t hide back in the office or something. I’m basically just want this thing put to rest now I’m tired of the stress. So if we can still be friends, I want to take a break from her for a week or two. I’ve decided I’m going away for awhile I’ll leave friday or saturday, I have no clue where i’ll be going and thats what I want I’m just going to drive and drive. (driving i think is like a stress reliever or at least it is for me)
I might just start over somewhere else. A new place, new people, new life. I don’t know if I’ll be back or not. The only thing that keeps me here, is of coarse my family, all my other close friends (except carrie)are off at other colleges, or military, or whatever. Hell I can write my folks, and just disappear. (just a thought that sounds very apealing)
Take a break but then come back. You think not knowing what’s going on now bothers you? Think how badly it will bother you to always wonder if she would have opened up to you if you had given her another couple days.
EVILBETH–good point I hadn’t even got around to thinking about that.
With all the new information, how would you interpret everything that is going on now?
Even as gloomy as it seems for the romantic side, I still think there is another “piece to the puzzle” I would never have thought she would just refuse to talk to me.
p.s. I’ll be up all night so I’ll be continuly posting through out the night
Sounds like a letter still might be nice. Or, wait a few days and try to contact her. Don’t wait for her to come to you. She may never have the nerve to do that.
Well, I would also suggest that you get her out of the work situation with her buddies if you do approach her again. She may be playing up the drama for effect around them. I’m going to give my opinion that there is no way in hell the thought that you might be interested in her had not ever crossed her mind. So the whole “I’m completely shocked!” thing is weird. She may be surprised that you told her how you feel but the possibility has to have crossed her mind.
There is so much I need to talk to you about I really don’t know where to start. Well let me just say that I had to confess, I had kept that locked up inside me for a long time. I started to have feelings for you 5 or 6 months after I moved back here. So please try to understand that I couldn’t go on without telling you how I felt. I wasn’t being honest with myself or you. I wish now I had brought it out in the open a long time ago. You are my bestfriend, and you always will be. Not Justin, Jeff , or anybody have I ever valued as such a great friend.
For what seemed like an eternity I would tell myself, that you were just my bestfriend, and nothing else. Now during this same time period many of our friends, would ask me if I liked you, I told them that you were the coolest chick in the world and we were just friends.
All along I was to scared to admit my feelings to even myself, so I just continually told myself that you were just my friend. I tend to think that maybe you have felt the same way? At some point in time?
If so I’m sorry that I didn’t pick up on it then. I tried to drop several hints towards you to “test the waters”, but the hints were overlooked I guess. I didn’t know what else I could do, and I’m sorry about just dropping it all on you like that.
The bottom line is yes I want a relationship with you. And no matter what I’ll always be your friend, and with alittle work, and time I feel we can have our friendship back to normal if you chose to be just friends thats fine. I’ve tried to get ahold of you to talk, I now realize that you need longer to sort it all out, so you know how to get ahold of me.
love
(more than anything your best friend)
nick
I need thoughts and opinions, also ladies can you make sure it translates from the male to female language, I don’t want her to misunderstand anything
I hope you really will give that letter to her. I think it says everything you need to, and it’s the best course of action right now since she won’t talk directly to you.
What I think is the most important aspect of your letter is that you make it clear that your feelings for her did not just spring up overnight as a matter of convenience. Like Cyn said, if I was her, I would have interpreted your “I want a girlfriend” and then “I really like you” to mean that you’d wanted a a girlfriend, any girlfriend, just for the sake of having a girlfriend, and she was the easiest person to go for. I don’t think I’m overly insecure, but when a guy says anything to me that isn’t completely unambiguous, I tend to assume the worst. She might be doing the same. Jill might have said the bit about you only wanting to fuck her because of that.
Anyway, I definitely support the letter idea, and I think what you have drafted is excellent. Make sure she gets it, and after that, don’t initiate any more contact. You’ll have done all you can. It will be time for her to make the next move.
Good luck, man. I’ll be sending good vibes your way.
Dopers I’m leaving to drop off the note I wrote her, as soon as I’m finished posting. I’m really feeling down, what if she really doesn’t want to ever talk to me again? Could there be truth to her statement or do you think that is just her self defense mechanism kicking in. I’m so confused.
nicklz lets out a giant “aaaaahhhhhhhhhaaaaa” scream to releive stress and frustration…and it didn’t help.
Caution!: These words are from the town rejection king. Having been rejected a sufficient number of times that I can no longer count them, the “never speak to her again” kind are actually easier to move on from. “We’ll just continue to be friends” line leaves you holding hopes that she will “come around” eventually. In the mean time you will bypass some very nice ladies because they are’nt “anything like her”.
There will never be anyone else in your life again that will be as good as she is. But there may be some one better. If she gives you a “I can’t even imagine us together like that.” line then make your intentions to move onward and very possibly upward quite clear to her.
Columbus failed to find a westward passage to India, but he didn’t stop trying after the first trip! His major problem was that he never recognized that he had found something better!
Now that I have injected all this “downer stuff” I am still wishing you the very best of luck. Hoping to read in future that you came together and lived happily ever after.
A further observation: If she wants to talk about the letter, I suggest you try to do it in the daytime. I personally think the “he only wants to fuck me!” cry was overly dramatic and maybe manipulative to boot. But it could be a valid fear of hers. Night, late at night, is when hookups happen, especially stupid meaningless hookups between two people who feel lonely or opportunistic at the time but will later regret it. Maybe that’s what she fears. So I recommend talking about these feelings in broad daylight. When it’s not on anyone’s mind “how the evening will end” or “does he expect me to stay the night.”
It’s like the recommendation that two people have their first date over lunch or coffee during the day. It’s less charged.
okay i know this thread has become very long, but i still need help. I still haven’t heard from her how much longer do I wait??? or should i go after her???
I second everything in Trisk’s post, but this part I second most strongly. One more note: a woman who thinks that your primary interest in her is sexual is a woman I’d keep away from…FAR, far away from. (I loved someone like that once. The sum of their insecurity and my weakness ruined a lot of beautiful things.)