let’s see you’ve got a woman who’s been asked to be in two weddings in a short amount of time, who has a small child in the house and you’re pissed that in addition to purchasing two dresses/shoes etc that she’ll never wear again, two wedding gifts, that she doesn’t cough up for:
a bachelorette pary and a shower
both involving expenses such as decorations, gifts. and, according to you she should also incur expenses such as renting some place to have the party at plus babysitter for her child for same.
hell.
for the record - my sister’s daughters MOH didn’t do the shower, it was my sister’s best friend, said shower was held about a month before the wedding, at said friends house, no where near where many of the guests live, games (such as they were) didn’t involve much more planning than you’re talking about, there were no decorations, food was great, but this was a woman who did not have financial problems of any type, nor a small child wandering around.
The MOH is a piece of work but I don’t like the idea that your friend (the bride) sits and watches her horrible behaviour without calling her out just because it’s supposed to be some sort of stress-free experience for her. I don’t really understand how American weddings work, however, so I don’t know if appointing a MOH means that the bride doesn’t deal with anything thereafter.
What is it about people that they are such greedy evil scavengers? At my sister’s wedding she decided that the person at the table whose birthday was closest to the day of the wedding would get the centrepiece but one of the guests went around collecting all the centrepieces at the table during the dancing to hoard them up. She stole one from my mom’s friend who flew all the way out from Toronto for my sister’s wedding and whose birthday was the day after! Gah! This woman also went around telling all our American guests (my brother-in-law’s and sister’s friends) that the little oil lamps that my parents had brought over from India for the favours were worthless pieces of tin. They were pure silver! She almost defrauded all these kids out of their favours! My parents ended up mailing all the kids additional lamps to make up for it.
Unfortunately my brother-in-law, sister and my parents hate this dumb bint but my bro’s mom is a very sweet, easily taken in woman who insisted she be on the guest list. Her behaviour at the wedding, however, somewhat opened her eyes on the subject.
The wise person would have gracefully declined one or both of the invitations to be in a wedding party. It’s obvious she was not capable of filling the traditional MOH role under those circumstances.
the caring friend doesn’t put them in the position in the first place, and/or lowers their expectations for the expenses.
especially if they know about the small child and all. When I first read the OP, I kept on adding up the babysitting costs for all this shit - showers, bachelorette party, rehearsal dinners, weddings.
I’m not ready to heap a whole lotta scorn on this woman’s head (except for the decorations part) under these circumstances.
I thought that MoH was, like, an honor, something you bestowed upon some one you cared deeply about, wasn’t aware that it was more like those stupid “who’s who” books (here an honor for you, that’ll be $75 certified check or money order).
Why are you so damn hostile? Did you want one of the palm trees, sweetie?
The MOH should have said she couldn’t be in the wedding if she couldn’t step up. Yeah, it’s expensive and time consuming, but everyone knows this. The bride’s sister has two kids too, an infant and a 3 year old, but she’s not being this obnoxious. Also, not my fucking problem either, is it? If you say you’re going to do something, and you have people counting on you, it behooves you to actually follow through. Unless you are a lameass bitch.
Eh, it’s over in three weeks. Then, fisticuffs. I think of you then, Otto honey, I’m sure.
or you could have been, you know, like honored that your friend felt your presence in the wedding party was essential to their day, and been unaware that in addition to all of the dress, shoes, sitters and so on, that some folks also apparently felt that you also owed them hosting two parties complete with renting a facility 'cause you know, you live out in the boonies, decorations, food etc. and gifts.
There hasn’t been a single wedding in my family where the showers weren’t given by some one other than in the wedding party (usually friend of moms). and bachelorette parties are a recent phenomenon.
all I’m sayin’ is that nothing is preventing anyone else from throwing the type of shindig you apparently think is due.
Maybe theoretically, but not in this case. She said she would do it. She didn’t do what she said she would. Other people stepped up. Arguably we should have insisted she do it, or not done it, but I think consideration for the bride came before the need to teach the MOH a valuable life lesson about biting off more than you can chew. But hey, she got her free palm tree out of it, so it’s all good.
Usually, in my limited experience, it’s the MOH. As for the bachelorette party, again, I didn’t know if there was going to be one or not, but the bride said her MOH wanted to have a toy party. Again, she said she’d do it. Maybe she needs to learn how to say no. In any case, if she feels overly burdened, she should ask for help.
I don’t think it’s due. SHE SAID SHE’D DO IT. I don’t think anything is “due” except when people offer to do things, then later on can’t do them, and the responsibility devolves on others.
I think some people have given Rubystreak some excellent suggestions of things she could have said or done that would have put the ol’ MOH in her place. For example, I agree that it would have been awesome if she’d said “Thanks for boxing these up” and taken the decorations back with such cheerful aplomb that the MOH was left speechless and no one was the wiser about the narrowly-averted conflict.
Sometimes, however, people don’t think on their feet that fast. Particularly when they are not at their best due to the frustration and unfamiliarity of dealing with someone who is something of a cunt, yet is apparently the closest friend of the guest of honor. Shall we cut Rubystreak some slack in this regard?
It is an honor, but it’s also a responsibility, much like being the best man. The maid/matron of honor is expected to provide logistical and emotional support for the bride. In my experience, it’s common for the MoH to host a bridal shower and organize the bachelorette party, although she can certainly ask other members of the wedding party to help out with the finances and planning.
And more importantly, it’s not cool to make a commitment to do something for a friend (throw a bridal shower, help them move, whatever) and then do a half-assed job of it.
that’s nice, but not univerally true, as I noted. I’ve been to scads of showers, can’t recall a single one put on by the MoH. so it may not be as universally “understood” as some seem to believe. additionally, I’ve never known of one that was held in some where other than the hosts home. again, some folks seem to have had expectations for this woman that she obviously did not share. doesn’t make her an asshole.
I agree, however, it’s not at all clear to me that the MoH said to herself, “yea, I’ll do this but a half assed job of it”. where I grew up if some one did something nice for you (host a party for example), it was considered quite tacky to judge said effort as being sub standard.
YMOV
If that’s all you got out of this thread, that I’m not grateful that the MOH said she’d throw a party that she did not fucking throw, then I’m not going to be able to get you to understand this. Which is fine. Love how I’m tacky in this situation. :rolleyes:
Yeah, maybe he’s off his Xanax this week. What was my phone number again?
AMEN! I enjoy (if that’s the right word), watching the reality show “Bridezillas”. Mostly because I sit there in absolute disbelief most of the time thinking “how can that man, and that woman’s family stand to be near her? Why haven’t they killed her yet? Oh, I can’t BELIEVE she just said/did that!”
Mostly I can’t help thinking what you just said so well, "don’t they realize that this is only a ceremony?
Hush, dear. You didn’t do anything wrong, and you are absolutely justified in being angry at the dumb bitch who’s not doing her part. There are always a couple tards who show up in every pit thread to try to make out like everything up to and including the heat death of the universe is the pitter’s fault. This time, Otto and wring are acting in that capacity. Seriously, pay them no mind. The fact that a couple dumbfucks are trying to act like this is your fault doesn’t mean that it is, and they’re not representative of most posters, given the earlier responses.
Wow - I’m so out of the loop with the rituals and rites of marriage. A Shower and a Bacholorette party - WTF is that all about?
Correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems that the younger you are, the more idealised your expectations are of the wedding and it’s associated rituals. I remember being blown away by a little american girl I once knew who wanted to be a bride when she grew up - I had to ask her what she was going to do after that one day.
It’s much less hassle to get married in your 30s when you really don’t care so much about who does what and when (not that everyone is like this mind you).
So far. Honestly, I have no expectations that such will not occur. Just because you don’t want it, where is the guarantee that the guy you marry will not want it?
