Make up some Monkey Haikus!

My friend Gabi is compiling an anthology of haikus about monkeys. I call upon you, oh clever members of the Dope, to be on your best creative behavior! To get the ball rolling, here’s the one I did:

look at the monkeys
see bananas in the breeze
peel me one of those!

It’s not my greatest work but she was amused. :slight_smile: Ok guys, go ape!

Another monkey
Approaches around the tree
Time to throw my poop


The organ grinder
Makes me dance for some pennies
I shall bite his legs

Oh, look, I have some
feces. Fling, fling, fling, fling. You
want some, too?! Fling, fling.

Two more!

You wanted a pet
But now you have Ebola
Monkeys are filthy


The monkey island
at the zoo is my new home
I’ll jerk off all day.

Damnit…gotta be quick if you’re going to get the first post on poo-flinging in around here. Ah well…I already wrote it, so I might as well post it.

Look at those damn kids.
Zoogoers always gawking.
Time to fling some poo.

I will get the soap
for the bath, so I will be
no damned dirty ape!
Bananas, termites,
What else can I give to her?
Jane Goodall, love me!

Little brown Monkey
Swinging through the fake jungle
Captive freer than man

that last line is a little iffy.

Once lively monkey
Falls foul of hunter’s gun
Now lives in the sky.

Swinging through the trees
No monkey is king of wood
But he’s king of swing

Monkeys of the shrine
Live their lives where men lay theirs
Monkey is god here

Monkey is running
Away from the shopkeeper
Thieving bananas

Throughout the jungle
Monkey swings without a care
Makes is seem easy

Monkey takes great leap
Flight born from simple swinging
Elegant as dove

None of these haiku
Is particularly great
Might be back later

A foolish human
Buys an ancient monkey’s paw
Go on, make a wish!

A large chimpanzee
Is shot by greedy poachers
Jane Goodall would cry.

A bored chimpanzee
Attacks a tire on rope
True tire biter.

Man, there must have been some hidden part of me that was just dying to write mildly offensive monkey haiku…because here I go again:

If my choice was just
Between a monkey and your mom
I would do the monkey first.

That damned sock monkey
My ultimate nemisis
You will never win!

Ook ook ook ook ook
Ook ook ook ook ook.

Ouch! That really hurts.
Someday I’ll get you for this,
Peter Gabriel

Wire mom so pointy
If only metal could hug
Sad little monkey

It wasn’t the planes,
T’was beauty that killed the beast.
Monster-sized pothole.

Infinite monkeys
Endless time with MS Word
Shakespeare or blue screen?

Monkey jerking off
As innocent child watches
“Mommy, what’s that thing?”

New King Kong, Jackson?
What the hell is wrong with you?
Why keep paying him??

Monkey poo soars high
arc intercepts zookeeper
I hate that monkey!

Get me more ape chicks.
No?? Bitch, Binks is a big star!
Ain’t you seen Outbreak?

Gah! My jerk owner
Dressing me like a baby!
Revenge will be mine.

He’ll show me off soon–
parade me around strangers.
I’ll claw his eyes out!

In my empty cage
With naught but a new suitcase;
Damn you, Samsonite!

Or, if you want happy monkey haiku:

Bored in my damn cage
When here comes a new suitcase;
Thank you, Samsonite!

Ed realized one day
the monkey on his back was
indeed a real one

Bananas foster
is the delicacy of choice
for Good King Chimpy

Fling poo all day long?
Good man, you must be joking!
I smear it on walls.

In “Faces of Death”
And in “Temple of Doom” too
People ate our brains.