Ritchfield, PA- Pop.838, home of Nameless Modern Rock band. After an afternoon of jamming, beer drinking and bullshit, the trio of two bass players Keith and Spank plus drummer Psÿchö could not come to a concënsus. Names thrown around included Wärp, Bärf, Vülcan Dëath Grip, Mönica Sücks, Prögrammed Cëll Deth, Ärtsÿ Färtsy and many others. They almost agreed on Blue Hat Red Hat Ööps, but Keith and Spank would not go with the ümlauts, “it’s too Mötorhead.”
You know, I’ll bet Sunbear could really come up with a great Onion parody story.
He really should post to this thread…
Yer pal,
Satan
First Place
Most Popular Poster of the 20th Century Competition
As overseen by Coldfire
EAST JORDAN, Mich. (Onion) - For the 180th straight day, Milossarian, controversial mundane-lifestyle zealot, continued his boycott of excitement and cultural stimulation.
“I think I will spend about 8 hours on-line today, maybe walk the dog later,” he said. “I’ll probably watch some TV, read a book or magazine, then sleep.”
Milossarian expressed optimism that his lifestyle message continued to serve as an inspiration to his growing legion of followers.
“Oh sure, I could date attractive, interesting women, go out and do a variety of fun activities and be very social and fun-loving, but who wants to take the easy road?” he said. “You can’t even fathom the amount of mental and physical discipline adherence to this strict lifestyle requires.”
Very funny, Satan. But I had ulterior motives for these hundreds of posts, I needed the posts, and I did not want to leave a bunch of one word posts. The real onion is back this week.Go there, amuse yourselves, I’m done. www.theonion.com
your Pal,
sunbear
st.Louis, MO-- Frequent message board user find 40 of his 2000 posts missing. Man desperately seeks scribbled notes where he had created fake Onion type stories for a thread of his own making, largely ignored by other board members. Man also dislikes flaming folders in new board appearance, knowing the flaming “hot” folders can easily be turned off.
WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a new study released today by the Department of Redundancy Department, 37% of white, voting-age Americans disagree with the other 63%.
“The implications are astounding,” said White House janitor John Q. Public. “Why, this could change the way we do business here. And watch out for that wet floor.”
A spokesman for the Secratary of Defense said that the White House will try to push three new laws through Congress. They are expected to “increase the number of Americans who are disagreed with by ten to twenty percent,” and would create “severe punishments for anyone who disagreed with themselves.”
CNN anchorperson Natalie Allen refused to comment on the situation, but did show off her new shoes.
-BrainWeasel
Squeaks from BrainWeasel’s Cage
http://brainweasel.home.att.net
Alamagordo, NM–Man unable to work without internet.Robert Chu, 29, recently took a job with Alamagordo National Labs, only to find there is no e mail or Internet at his level of security clearance(entry level). He is not allowed to bring in hislaptop to compose e mail replies to be sent later. Even attempts to connect by cell phone do not work inside the security fence. Chu is ready to resign after 3 weeks of 8 hour days with no internet. He is now looking at shortwave and carrier pigeons. The windows, however are also locked.
St’Louis, MO-- Couple takes unwanted wine to party. A middle aged couple had dinner with a friend and two other guests. They had brought along some odd bottle of wine that neither wanted to drink. During the course of the dinner it came out that the bottle of wine had made the rounds through mutual friends and now returned to the original purchaser. At this point the bunch was sufficiently drunk to have a laugh over it. The bottle remains unopened in the kitchen.
Columbus, OH-- Middle aged man installs IE 5.0 from a free disc from an ISP, not his own ISP. The newly installed version works better than his previous download. With average computer skills, he is amazed he didn’t screw up and it all seems fine. For now.
Kansas City, MO-- 53 year old Jim Penniman discovered today that he has a soul. “I didn’t go to church or pray, but all of a sudden today I discovered I have soul.I didn’t find it previously.” He thinks he may have downloaded his soul while he upgraded from Windows 95 to 98. “It still crashes a lot, and this soul also seems to be a little bit of trouble.I guess I have to learn to live with it.”
Chicago, Il-- Mr. Nice guy Ed at the SDMB decides to “prune” old threads, thereby causing widespread panic in the Onion threads (2).