Area Man Not Gushing Over iPhone Says man, “It’s better than my radio…I suppose.”
Wisconsin Almost Ready to Accept Brett Farve’s Replacement Says Wisconsin: “If he can win 18 more Superbowls…we’ll see.”
Kobe Clings to Illusion of Self-Sufficiency “I don’t need Shaq” insists Laker superstar as rumors of addition of another cheap superstar to add to Pau Gasol swirl.
iPhone 5 to Include Death Ray, New Stylus “We’re really proud of that stylus,” says Steve Jobs.
Disney Ponders Supervillain Status Will re-release Cinderella for “a meeeeellllioooon dollars”
Facebook Launches Plantationville Buy and sell virtual slaves and cotton to build nice cartoon houses… “Offensive” say real housebuilders
Muslim Brotherhood More Popular in Egypt than Mubarak “Bros Before Hosni” more than just a phrase
Opinion Poll on Americans Attitude Toward Prince William’s Upcoming Marriage 14% Fascinated, 39% Whoop-de-Shit, 30% Who Gives a Fuck, and 17% Why Can’t He Marry a Nice Movie Star Like the guy who did Princess Grace?
MTV’s Skins and GLEE to have crossover Orgy “I’m really excited about this” says actor who plays Mr. Figgins
79 Unseen Episodes of Three’s Company Found “I swear to God we never made those… and we never had a landlord played by Peter Lorre, he was dead!” screams hysterical Joyce DeWitt
Glenn Beck Solves Graumann’s Equation Accidentally on his Whiteboard Argument about how Democrats are responsible for 9/11 answers 300 year old riddle.
BJ’s a Cure for Acne and Causes Weight Loss Paper by Dr. PhiBeta Kappa mysteriously stained with beer.
George W. Bush Somehow to Blame, Again New CIA documents record how the former President’s screw-up in 2001 caused riots in Egypt
Area Man Decides New Web Comic will be "My Ticket Out of this Shithole" Has no intention of learning how to draw but thinks it won’t matter
Area Man Opens Facebook Account for the First Time “Welcome to the 20th century, jackass” reads first message.
Glenn Beck Mystery Solved The Writings on the Board that Made Sense and Were Factually Correct Left By Orphan Prodigy Working as Janitor in Studio Obama’s Promise their First Born Daughter to Man Who Can Complete Various Labors (e.g. Fix the Economy, Pay Off the Deficit, Exorcise Ann Coulter and Slay Osama bin Laden)
Kardashians Run For their Lives From Mob of Russian Revolution Reenactors “Slow Down Girls!” Screams Bruce Jenner
Exclusive Interview With German Zeitgeist
Excerpt: “We haven’t invaded France in 70 years and we’re proud, but it’s really really hard… even after all this time sometimes the urge is almost overwhelming, but we take it day by day”.
Log Cabin Republican Leader Caught in Straight Sex Scandal “On my oath I thought she was a drag queen!”
History Channel Unveils New Fall Lineup When Fish Kill, Canadian Garbage Men, Junkie Nuns Behind Bars, and ***Untitled John Edward Nostradamus Project ***expected to be biggest ratings getters