When Cecil and Slug make her all better…
momma’ll create a thread about you, “Questions regarding a bed-wetter”
and if that thread scares off your potential Doper soulmate…
Momma’s gonna get you a SDMB troll date.
And if that troll date gets you banned…
We’re gonna ship you off to Chicagoland.
And if that ship just won’t dock true,…
Everyone will stand around and pitilessly mock you.
And if that mockery should make you wail…
Then Cecil’s gonna send you to Doper Jail.
And if your jailer ain’t got no spine,
Send Lynn Bodini who’ll do just fine.
And if she can’t be bothered with you
you’ll be sent to look for a boy with no clue
and if that Doper won’t back you up
You’ll hit Cafe Rosebud for an evening’s sup.
And if that meal doesn’t sit so well,…
You’ll complain to the manager and bitch like hell
And if this doesn’t get you a refund
And if this doesn’t get you a refund
Momma’ll start a complaining fund,
But if the Tax Man finds something funny…
Mama’s going to kiss him and call him honey
And if he still won’t ignore the error
And if he still won’t ignore the error
momma’s gonna enlist him in the war on terror
and if WMDs or OBL are found
Mama’s gonna read the Pit threads that will abound.
If reading those threads makes her eyes hurt…
Mama’s gonna wear an ‘IMPEACH BUSH’ shirt
And if wearing this shirt lands her in jail
Mama’s gonna start a pit thread about her tail.
And if mama gets in a pit thread pile on…
errr… tale. but a pit thread about tail might be just as good. 
…you’ll don a jacket of rip-stop nylon.
And if that nylon should melt from the heat…
She’ll buy some pants made of see-thru nylon.
If she shows them off and folks don’t go wild
If she shows them off and folks don’t go wild
Momma’s gonna buy some for her child,
And when John Ashcroft says it’s pornographic…
Mama’s gonna throw his ass in traffic.
And if they save him in the ER