Mama’s gonna reel in a doper who lurks.
And if this thread finally makes threadspotting…
It made threadspotting!
And if this thread finally makes threadspotting…
momma’s gonna start with all her “I” dotting
and if her "T"s should need their crossings
Mama’s also gonna make sure their teeth they’re flossing.
and if that dental floss is not mint…
Mama’s gonna buy you a Ronson flint
And if that flint don’t make a spark…
Mama’s gonna strip off in the park
And if her strip show doesn’t draw attention
Mama’s gonna take you to a Star Trek convention
And if that convention has no guest stars…
Mama’s gonna take them on a trip to Mars.
And if old Dubya won’t pay for the trip
And if old Dubya won’t pay for the trip
Momma’s gonna get you a piercing on your nip,
And if that piercing starts to go septic…
Mama’s gonna have a fit epileptic.
And if Mama should swallow her tongue…
Mama’s gonna tell you not to be a sceptic
'Cause if Bush hadn’t his Dick Cheney peircing
And if Mama should swallow her tongue…
She’s gonna buy you some home-grown dung,
And if that dung don’t help your plants to grow…
Mama’s gonna shop you on the Ricki Lake show
And if this show doesn’t make you disown her
And if this show doesn’t make you disown her
Momma’s gonna make you be a blood donor,
And if that nurse can’t find a vein…
Mama’s gonna buy you the Northern European Plain
and if that plain gets conquered by Germans…
Mama’s gonna hit them with one of her pans
And if those Germans try to surrender
And if those Germans try to surrender
momma’s gonna go on a cheap gin bender
and if momma’s bender starts to get a little stale
Mama’s gonna buy you the Holy Grail
But if that Grail cannot be found…
Mama’s gonna go digging up a burial mound
And if she can’t find no saintly relics
mama’s gonna buy you tickits for the Knicks
and if the Knicks don’t score one point
Mama’s gonna chill out and smoke a joint
And if that joint don’t get her stoned