Mama’s going to buy you a fish called a trout.
If that trout should feel all slimey…
Sorry… it should be:
Mama’s going to buy you a fish called a carp.
If that carp should feel all slimey…
My mistake. Me = :wally
mama’s gonna buy you a drunken limey
and if that limey’s hair is blue
“and if that limey’s hair is blue”
…I know a boy you could give him to.
And if that boy don’t pay you well,
Momma gonna tell him to go to hell.
And if to hell he does not go…
Momma’s gonna buy you the Alamo.
And if the Alamo gets attacked…
“And if to hell he does not go…”
Mama said to tour around like Dante, in limbo!
And if in limbo he grows restless…
Mama’s gonna buy you a Jack Chick tract.
And if that Jack Chick tract don’t save you…
Mama’s gonna buy you an international pact.
And if that international pact gets broken…
Mama’s gonna buy you a toke for smoking
And if that toke don’t get you high
When she comes back, Mama’s gonna bring pie.
And if that pie has rotten fruit…
I got the Alamo one in before Twicks did so her’s doesn’t count! 
Mama’s gonna buy you a Phred Tract too.
And if that tract makes you hate fags…
And if that tract makes you hate fags…
Momma’s gonna teach you how to dress in drag,
But if those heels are killing you…
Mama’s gonna fetch you some comfortable shoes
And if those Birkenstocks’ buckles should break…
Mama’s gonna of you a lesbian make.
If being a lesbian don’t make you happy…
Mama’s gonna set you up with your Pappy.
And if incest ain’t your thing…
Mama’s gonna pimp you for bling bling
And if that bling bling should turn brass
Mama’s gonna head for the Khyber Pass.
And if the Khyber Pass gets blocked…
She’ll fight her way with all the arms she’s stocked.
And if the Taliban take offence
Mama’s gonna buy you some blubber to flense.
And if that blubber’s from an endangered species…
You can sit right down and read some Nietzsche.
And if ol’ Nietzsche turns your tummy…