Mama’s gonna give you some coke and rummy
If that coke and rummy make you woozy
If that coke and rummy make you woozy
Momma’s gonna buy you a high school floozy,
And if that floozy gets knocked up…
Mama’s gonna make sure you don’t get locked up.
And if the flozzy’s daddy gets a shotgun
You’ll be in for some really hot fun.
And if that hot fun should cool off…
Mama’s gonna rent a movie by Boris Karloff
And if movie makes you scared.
you can tell your psychiatrist “because of momma I’m impaired”
and if that psych wants you to take lots of drugs
momma’ll introduce you to some local street thugs
and if those thugs try to cheat you out of the good dope
and if those thugs try to cheat you out of the good dope…
Momma’ll bitch slap 'em to give you a smoke,
But if that smoke don’t get you high…
When she come back, Mama’s gonna bring pie.
And if the fruit is that pie is spoiled…
Momma’s gonna dip you in fluorescent dye,
But if that dye don’t change your tint…
dang Annie! - seconds late
from yours…
And if the fruit in that pie is spoiled…
Momma’s gonna buy your diapers pre-soiled.
And if those diapers then do reek…
Mama’s gonna put you out in the street.
If in the street you become a crack 'ho…
mama’s gonna buy you a technetium toe
and if that toe atomically decays
If in the street you become a crack 'ho…
momma’s gonna get you on the Springer show
And if Jerry Springer doesn’t make you a “star”…
aww crap…preview is MY friend too :rolleyes:
momma’ll teach you to walk in different ways
and if that heel-to-toe rhythm begins to grate…
Mama’s gonna build you a corn shock maze
If in that maze you get lost…
Mama’s gonna take you shopping at The Crate.
And if in The Crate you pitch a fit…
momma’ll write about you in the SD “Pit”
and if the Dopers decide to flame
momma’ll have only herself to blame
and if that blame turns into guilt
momma’ll just have to make you a quilt
and if that quilt don’t keep you warm…
Mama’ll make you fill out a form
And if that form becomes a complaint…
The legal fees’ll mean she’s sure to faint
And if she hits the floor too hard