Nothing like coming on to the SDMB and seeing the different forums featuring the latest thread. Mine looked like this a minute ago.
Mama’s gonna buy you a…
GorillaMan
Just what I always wanted. 
blush
She’ll spin three times and quote The Bard,
But if that quote sticks in her craw…
Then she’ll buy you a circular saw.
And if that saw just won’t cut…
momma’ll share the time she took it in the butt
and if that story doesn’t scar your psyche…
momma’s gonna get you a contract with Nike
and if you sit the entire season on the bench…
mama’s gonna buy you a clubbing wrench
and if that clubbing wrench won’t club
and if that clubbing wrench won’t club
Mama’s gonna go and vote for Shrub
And if that Shrub then goes to war…
Mama’s gonna vote for Kerry in '04
And if that Shrub steals another election
She’ll demand that we make another selection.
And if the Supreme Court should stubbornly remain bought…
Mama’s gonna leave the country on a yacht.
And if that yacht begins to sink…
momma’s gonna save you a tube of oxidized zinc
and if that zinc won’t keep you from a burn
Mama’s gonna die your hair auburn.
If that cheap die makes your scalp itch…
dye! dye! dye! :smack: :smack: :smack:
You know, that’s a lot more effective if you do the stabbing motion and the “Psycho” sound effect, rather than the head smack, but whatever…
You’ll become the Earl of Sandwich
And if being an earl turns out to suck,
Mama’s gonna’ throw it in the ditch,
If in that ditch there’s a great big bear…
Mama’s gonna trade that Earl for a buck.
And if that dollar turns out counterfeit…
(damn and blast!!!)
Mama’ll buy you a shiny new truck,
If that truck rolls down the hill…
Two strikes and I’m out!
Once! Once! Once I wake up in a ditch and they never let ya live it down!
Haha! Still not fast enough quiltguy154.
And if that dollar turns out counterfeit…
You’ll work out in prison, and get real fit,
But if some con wants to make you a bitch…