Mangle a term from the sciences

Irradiate: My lobes glow in the dark.

Cosmological Constant: The universally observed phenomenon of things going from bad to worse.

Asymptote: oh, just get rid of that fake underwear

Hadron: yeah, yeah, we know, you told us all about it

Gravity: the population of a cemetery.

or a hot beverage made from, well, I think you would rather not know

Incandescent: Bolivian ancestry

Time: the real final frontier.

The N-Body Problem: The complexity of a system of moving bodies when the cellar is full and the back yard is too conspicuous.

Comets: Porn involving a professional baseball team.

Seismology: The study of the current obesity problem.

Heliotrope: the common notion that we’re running out of the element whose atomic number is 2.

Corona: The Sun’s been drinking again!

Funnel: the funny tunnel.

orbit: swiveling fork-like thing on each gunwale of a rowboat

perigee: $2000

Cell division: Rule number one - you don’t masturbate on my side of the room.

Wavelength - the amount of time you stand on the platform watching the train depart.

Magnetism: je ne sais quoi.

Chandrasekhar Limit: The maximum number of servings you’re actually allowed at Chandrasekhar’s Indian buffet, even though the sign outside says “all you can eat”.

Atom: Anyone but Tom.

Hypertrophy: A very large prize.