Mangle a term from the sciences

Supernova: A new and improved PBS science show.

COPD: What you gonna do when they come for you?

EM: someone’s aunt from Kansas

Combustion: The process of admiring a Soviet woman with large breasts.

does sci-fi count?

Barnhouse effect: The ever-increasing downward curve observed in one’s bank account when engaged in the conversion of a former agricultural building to residential quarters.

-“BB”-

Terminal velocity: How fast that f%$@#!& iMac is going when I heave it out the 20th floor office window.

Petri dish: What Laura is serving Rob, Ritchie and herself for dinner tonight.

Calorimeter: An instrument used to accurately measure youth, inexperience and lack of sophistication.

Alkaline: Right fielder for the Detroit Tigers.

Frequency - What you should do if Quincy is innocent

amplitude: sufficient peevishness

Avogadro’s number: The REAL reason no pro team ever drafted him after college.

-“BB”-

Ideal gas: Embrace mother nature.

Condensed matter: The stuff that Campbell’s tomato soup is made from.

Planck Epoch: The period of the early universe during which homes were routinely built with hardwood floors instead of carpeting.

^ Planck constant: No such thing; wood sizes keep shrinking, eventually, you’ll be building your house out of toothpicks and popsicle sticks. Billions and billions of them.

research: looking up opinions on websites that I agree with, as in “I did my own research”.

Gas giant: My Uncle Fred after he’s eaten a whole bag of Cheetos.

Light year: a really long distance. With fewer calories.

Here’s the previous one:

parsec: talkshow host steps out for a piss