Mary had a little lamb
And it was always gruntin’
She took it out behind the shed
And kicked it’s little c**t in.
Always happy to oblige with dirty jokes/puns etc. 
Mary had a little skirt
split right up the side
every time she wore the skirt
the boys could see her thigh
Mary had another skirt
split right up the front
she never wore that one
Oh man, this brings back memories:
Mary had a little lamb,
little lamb, little lamb,
Mary had a little lamb,
the doctors were surprised.
Row row row your boat,
gently down the stream.
Ha ha, fooled ya!
I’m a submarine.
Here comes Peter Cottontail,
hoppin’ down the bunny trail–BANG! (gunfire)
All of these were from my first camping trip with my Boy Scout troop. I can’t believe I still remember them!
Tripler
I’ll have to see if I remember more, including the words to “God Bless my Underwear”.
Mary had a little bike
She rode it on the grass
And every time the wheels went round
The spokes went up her… skirt.
Mary had a can of spam
Can of spam
Can of spam
Mary had a can of spam
It looked just like jello
She opened it at school one day
School one day
School one day
She opened it at school one day
It was against the rules
They had it for there lunch entree
Lunch entree
Lunch Entree
They had it for the lunch entree
Everyone got sick.
Mary had a little pig.
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up.
She shot the little bastard.
Mary had a little cry
As she dined on bread and jam
Her freezer was in such a mess
She couldn’t find her lamb
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet,
Eating curds and whey.
Along came Little Jack Horner
and said, “What do you have in the bowl, bitch?”
Mary Mary quite contrary,
how does your garden grow?
“With silver bells and cockle shells,
and one goddamned tulip.”
And now you know my my mother’s headstone has a single tulip engraved on it…
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
each with a dollar and a quarter.
Jill came down with two and a half…
They weren’t up there for water.
Mary had a little lamb
It’s fleece was white as snow
And everywhere that Mary went
She stepped in lamb shit.
Mary had a little lamb
Its wool had one grey patch.
It stuck its nose beneath her clothes
To get a whiff of snatch.
Now Mary was a naughty girl
Who didn’t give a damn
She gave the beast another sniff
And it killed the little lamb.
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet,
Eating her curds and whey.
Along came a spider that sat down beside her
And she beat it to death with the spoon
Mary bought a pair of skates
Upon the ice to frisk.
Her friends all thought that she was nuts
Her little *.
Mary had a little lamb,
But Mary was a shit.
She took it to a BBQ
And did it on a spit.
God bless my underwear, my only pair!
I have worn them, and torn them
On the seat of the old rocking chair.
From the washer … to the dryer … to the clothesline
Where they hang!
God bless my undewear my only pair!
God bless my underwear … my ooooooneleeee pair!
Thank you, thank you.
clap, clap, clap, clap!
That was inspired.
Mary had a little car
And it was painted red
And everywhere that Mary went
The cops picked up the dead
Wikipedia actually has a very good bit on Casabianca, the poem that begins “The boy stood on the burning deck” and was probably the most-recited, and parodied, poem of the 19th century. Two that aren’t included are,
The boy stood on the burning deck,
With his sister, Molly.
The deck felt hot to the little boy,
And also hot t’ Molly.
and
The dog stood on the burning deck–
Hot dog!
Mary had a little lamb
a little toast, a little jam
A soda fountain topped with fizz
And , boy, how sick Mary is!
From a kid’s book, circa 1955. Sounds like a cleaned-up and neatened-up version of the above.
Mary had a little lamb,
The news made the front page,
With pictures of her being taken to jail,
Cause the lamb was under age.
Oooh, I just remembered another one (yes, I am old enough to have done “recitations” in elementary school!):
The boy stood on the burning deck
Oh, how his heart did beat!
His little soul was full of dread,
His shoes were full of feet.
I just made this one up on the spot…
The boy stood on the burning deck
He was calmer than his fellows
He pulled skewer from his pack
And a big bag of marshmallows
A gyocologist’s daughter
Named Ewing
Gave birth to a bottle
of Bluing
Her father said "Flo,
What I want to know is not IF but WHAT
you’ve been screwing.
Sorry that’s all I got that is even partially related.
There was an old lady named May,
Who went to the park by the bay.
She met a young man,
Who screwed her and ran.
Now she goes to the park every day.
There once was a man named Dave
Who stored a dead whore in a cave.
He had to admit,
It did smell a bit.
But think of the money he saved!
Ohhhhh, you better not shout,
You better not cry,
You better not pout,
I’m telling you why…
Santa Claus is DEAD!!!
Here comes Peter Cottontail,
Hopping down the bunny trail,
BANG!
There once was a man from Capri,
Who boogered an ape in a tree.
The result was most horrid,
All ass and no forehead,
Three balls and a purple goatee.