Cool thread! I loved going back to the beginning of this thread and seeing user names of some of my favorite “posters” signing in when THEY were newbies!
Shiny and new, come aboard…I’m expecting youuuuuuuuu.
The love boat…
Why not…here I am, love me or leave me, but I’ve had no complaints yet.
Ahem…
A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he’s drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, “Did you see what your monkey just did?” The guy says, “No, what?” “He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!” says the bartender. “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replies the patron. “He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I’ll pay for the cue ball and stuff.” He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he’s in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.
While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did now?” “Now what?” asks the patron. “Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!” says the barkeeper.
“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me,” replies the patron. “He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!”
<Hands mic to the next newbie…>
Heh-heh…WhetherMan not bad
Newbie badges sold here?
Badges? We don’t need no stinking badges…
guess Im new enough to post here… hello…
Long time lurker…first time poster:D
Another Texas newbie here.
Been around since December but a total newbie here 
I’ve been reading The Straight Dope and Threadspotting for a few years, but I’ve only just signed up to post.
I’m glad to see there are so many other newbies.
ooh, didn’t notice this thread.
hi y’all. I’m a newbie, u’d never guess 
Waves to other new folk
Hold on, I’m a comin’.
I’ll be there With a love that will rescue you
Stop pushing. I said I’ll do it… All right, already!
:toe shuffle, sniff:
OK, I’m new. Still have that new car smell.
beep
Hi all!
Yee Haw! 100 posts…but alas, still new.
Definitely a noob. Read Straight Dope and Triumph, tried out straightdope.com, found the message boards, and it was a done deal.
Long time poster, first time lurker.
How do you get to be newbie anyway?
Awww, do I have to post here?