Having conversations like these with someone who was just recently hospitalized for psychiatric reasons sounds like a good way to end up with a breakup causing suicidal gestures or cutting behaviors. Take it easy there, dude. Sure, it may work, but it may not.
Obviously it can go either way depending on the people and circumstances. Like any other kind of relationship sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t.
I knew a few girls in college who liked older guys because they’d only dated teenagers until that point, but as soon as they started meeting more interesting guys their own age they broke it off with their older boyfriends. It seemed like they were missing out on a lot of behavior that young people partake in because really, a 40ish year old guy hanging around while you’re doing dumb early 20s stuff is no fun.
I just hope that you’re being sensible and guarding yourself a bit. You say you’ve only known her for a few weeks and in that time she’s checked into a facility for mental reasons. Be careful.
At this point in a relationship (just a few weeks in and one already with some mental things she needs to fix) I’d say signs point to infatuation and a bit of drama.
Just be careful.
Missed edit window
Yikes. I knew I should have read the whole thread first.
Yeah, this is really inappropriate IMHO. You’re going wayyyyy fast with someone who isn’t stable. I’m sorry, but I think you’re being kind of reckless.
I’m currently dating a man who is 18 years older than I am, and we just take it day by day. We don’t talk of love, but we talk of plans and small things (and sometimes bigger ones) and enjoy each other’s company. When we met we both thought we were closer in age (I thought he was mid-thirties and that’s what he thought about me, reality is I’m late twenties and he’s mid-forties…)
He’s just moved to this city, transferred with his company and found a new place down here. Neither of us is ready to move in together, and if we do it will be because we thought it was time.
We’ve been together for just over a year now, and are quite happy. We’ll see what turns things take now that’s it’s not long distance.
It’s still early, and that along with the mental health thing I’d be wary of comments like ‘will you love me when I’m old and grey’, don’t put pressure on her. If Sweetie said something like that to me when we were first dating I’d be a little leery, now I’d be surprised as heck as we don’t think that far out but that’s just us.
My partner is exactly 20 years younger than I am (same birthday). We’ve been together 23 years, and the only problem was when we tried living together (we lived in NYC at the time). We are totally incompatible as roommates, so when I relocated to Cleveland, he bought the house next door. So when we’re together, it’s by choice, not by necessity.
I was hoping to see more younger man scenarios here. I once dated a guy who was 20 and I was 34, and I also once dated a guy who was 30 years older than me.
Right now I like a man who is 20 years younger.
One of my high school friends is 11 years younger than her husband of 22 years. They met when we were 17; her college dreams had just been shattered by her father’s illness, he had recently broken up amicably with his girlfriend of 10 years (after realizing they had eventually become FWB rather than romantic partners); they were at similar spots professionally, personally and marriage-interest-wise. She still managed to be the first person in her family to graduate college, through long-distance education (which in Spain has a long history, the biggest university in the country is UNED, the National Long-Distance University); her twins will be graduating presential university any year now.
My asking her about me being old and gray was to try to make her laugh. She had asked me if her “dirty old man” was going to stay with her knowing her problems. I had said something along the lines of as long as you are getting the help that you need I am going to stay by your side. She then started running her fingers through my hair playfully and that’s when I said it, Earlier in the week she said she was going to take care of me when I grew old.
We tease each other like this all the time. He calls me “kid”, and I call him “old man” - or sometimes “dirty old man”, to which he laughs and “indignantly” says, “that’s Sexy Senior Citizen!” 
I think it’s actually a *good *sign that she realized her meds weren’t working and checked herself into the hospital. Far, far better than if she hadn’t noticed or had fought it or ignored it. It shows a level of maturity that many 20somethings don’t have, with mental illness or without.
Of course, I also just came off my psych rotation, so mental health isn’t so scary for me these days. For more than half the patients, they just needed a few days to catch their breath, get their meds adjusted and then things were okay again.
Still, of course take it slow. You already know that. 
Does he? He’s been with this kid- I mean, woman, for a few weeks now and she’s already telling him that she loves him and that she’ll take care of him when he’s old. If he entertains these fantasies he’s setting himself up for major heartbreak.
My husband is 26 and I’m 38 and we’ve been together for four years. (Happily.)
The age thing was am impediment to us first going out (I thought I was much too old for him) but when we started dating it ceased being an issue at all. Once in a blue moon we will have a ‘Wow you’re really young/old’ moment but usually it doesn’t even enter in to things.
Good luck - I agree with the others to take it slow because if the psychiatric issues but , to me, the age thing is a non starter.
Well, if he doesn’t, I don’t think my scolding will help much. Have you ever had someone successfully talk you out of love? Has it ever been a stranger on a message board?
I had two relationships with significantly older men when I was in my early twenties. One of them lasted several years. In both of them I was taken advantage of, manipulated, and controlled. I can’t stand the sight of either anymore; I still have dreams about beating one of them up.
I find it completely awesome that you’ve managed to overcome the incompatibility of living together with this solution.
Met Mr. S when I was 20 and he was 32. Got married 2 years later. That was 20 years ago. Still going strong.
Yes I know to take things slow and I’ve told her that we need to take things slow. I’ve told her that I need to get to know who she is and if we are to have a relationship it needs to be based on a strong friendship. She wants to have sex and I’ve told her it is too soon for that.
If she thinks she loves me now I’m not going to tell her that it’s too soon to say that because she feels how she feels. I know that that as time goes on and things come out of the “honeymoon” period of the relationship she may decide that she wants to be with someone closer to her age and I’m not going to dissuade her if she comes to that decision.
My husband’s sister married a man over twenty years her senior. She had just turned 19 when they married. She’d been friends with his daughter from a previous marriage. Yes, it was skeevy when their relationship became public. Apparently they’d been seeing each other since she was about 16 but had kept it a secret from everyone. They were together until just after her 50th birthday when she died of colon cancer. That was something none of us thought possible. Who marries someone over twenty years their junior and then outlives them?
There’s a 21 year age difference between me and him. It never bothered me, he had reservations at first which constituted a serious roadblock to committment at first but which have largely disappeared. I knew the only “cure” was time, not talk. I simply stuck with him through thick and thin. It’s been 13 years.
I’ve been in one where my partner was 15 years my senior, and a second where my partner had 17 years on me. Both had problems but in neither case would I say the age diff was the primary problem or even a major contributing factor.
Sigh…I had a wonderful one. He was “the one that got away” so to speak. I was almost 12 years older (well I still am! :D). The relationship, lasted over 7 years, and started with us being friends for 2 and a half years, in fact we’re still friends.
The age difference wasn’t why it ended, it was a fairly normal “I was ready for marriage, he wasn’t” thing. (to simplify and keep from telling the whole sad story :))