May-December romances I want to hear from you.

In My Humble Opinion
41

Interesting that there all these story book tales of May-December romances. About a year ago, someone started an 'ask the…" thread about dating a younger women, and he was attacked for it. As I recall, he was in his 30s, she about 19 or 20, and they had been together for a year or two. He met her parents, and everyone was happy about the arrangement, except the dopers!

Yet, in this thread, MannyL gets cautious advice about the mental health of his girlfriend, but the age difference isn’t much of an issue.

Anyone know where that thread is? I’d be interested in an updated, to see if they are still happy together.

42

I guess it could work. All my relationships have failed to date, and I can’t really see any age differences as the cause. I’ve had a few partners 10-12 years older, and the age difference was no problem.

The “fails” have all been my fault.

I recognize this now, and so the current one is still on track…barely. Old dog, teaching impediments and all…

43

My first serious girlfriend was 14 years older than me. When we started dating, I was 18, and she was 32. It lasted about a year and a half; ultimately, she broke it off with me. I don’t know that either of us had serious thoughts that it would last forever (and, obviously, it didn’t). And, in retrospect, it certainly was fun while it lasted, for both of us.

As it turned out, it wasn’t the age difference that ended the relationship – it was her inability to stay monogamous.

44

If MannyL’s girlfriend is a recent hs graduate living with her parents and he’s her first boyfriend, I’ll say what I said in that thread (which is that the power in the relationship was utterly one-sided and ripe for abuses).

45

Not quite right. He was 27 and she was 16 and still in high school. He’s been banned so I don’t think we’ll find out if they’ve ridden off into the sunset.

46

My father and my mother. 26 years age difference.

When I was born, he was 59, and she was 33. She was his second wife (he was a widower, his first wife having died 2 years earlier).

My youngest sister was born when he was 65 and my mother was 39.

They remained married until his death at 75.

47

I would be her second or third person she was in a relationship with and she would be my fifth relationship. I know she doesn’t have her V-card anymore and I would be her second partner if we do have sex.

Both of us live with our parents and her family doesn’t have any objections to her staying overnight with me and neither do my parents.

48

My husband is seventeen years older than I. We’ve been married nearly five years, still doing fine, but there is a potential problem on the horizon. He is starting to think about retirement and plans to travel. He wants me to quit my job at that time and go with him. It sounds great, but it makes me extremely nervous to think of quitting work around age 50…

49

This sounds like a thread of its own!

50

It could be a thread but I’d rather keep questions to this thread.

51

I didn’t mean to not reply to your posting. I agree that we were going too fast which is why before she even went into the facility I told her we had to slow this down. When I see her and she tells me that she is glad I didn’t abandon her I am honest and tell her that what is happening is not her fault and because she is doing what she needs to get help I’m not going anywhere. I told her that as long as she needs me I’m going to be there for her. I want her to get the help she needs and as the mature person in the relationship I am trying to control the pace of what happens. That’s one of the main reasons that while she may be verbally saying she wants us to go further I’m not physically going further because it’s not right.

I think part of the reason she thinks she is in love with me is because I treat her with respect and like an adult.

52

No, Wrong thread. That doesn’t match my description at all. It was a traditional “Ask the…” thread. The girl had graduated highschool. The guy was involved in some sort of theater or arts community. jsgoddess may be thinking of the right thread. I never got the impression that he was in a position of power of her. There are similar examples of scenarios in this thread that have turned out well.

53

Was it this thread?

54

Everyone is different. Big age gaps is just one of many kinds of hurdles a relationship can face.

I was with my ex for ten years. Nine of them were very, very happy. There were issues, but overall we loved each other very much and there was a tremendous amount of good in it. When we got together he was 21 and I was 36.

It’s wise to recognize that for most people, the 20’s are a decade of self-discovery. With or without age gaps, commitments made so young are likely to hit some pretty serious rocks when the person hits their 30’s. My ex asked me to marry him when I was 40 and he was 25. I said yes, but I managed to avoid following through because I didn’t feel comfortable doing so until he was well into his 30’s. We finally planned, in the fall of 2004, to marry in October of 2005. Instead, he moved out in October 2005 two months after his 32nd brithday.

So my recommendation is: embrace love where you find it. Enjoy it while you have it. But don’t nail yourselves down or have kids until you’ve been happily together for a very, very long time. Preferably not until she’s in her 30’s.

55

That’s what I was thinking of.

I might start a thread, ‘Ask the 25-year-old who has been dating a man 17 years her senior since she was 19’ just to balance things out.

56

Yes, that was the right thread, Electric Warrior. Strange that I though it was so long ago, but it was only august this year. I don’t want to bump that old thread and stir things up, so hopefully, bienville will see this thread and post an update.

57

I can post from a slightly different but hopefully relevant perspective, about a May-December romance of many years ago that fizzled and that I can now examine with dispassionate hindsight.

When I was 17 I started dating a 27-year-old guy, to the consternation of just about everyone, including me. When he took me to parties with his friends, I spent the evenings blushing and mortified because I realized how ridiculous we must look.

Anyway, we were together fairly seriously for 3 or 4 years, then broke up for reasons that I suppose were tangentially related to the age difference (he was ready to settle down, and resented the time I was spending on college extracurricular activities).

That was over 30 years ago, and in hindsight I think that if we could have made it through the rough patch that broke us up, we would have had a solid and happy marriage.

However, I do wonder if the age difference would be rearing its ugly head again as he forged ahead of me into old age. At 52, I’m hanging on for dear life to my physical fitness and planning on what they like to call “active senior” retirement someday, with tons of hiking, swimming, running, etc. for as long as I possible can. My husband is only 2 years older than me, so we face similar challenges in terms of aging, staying fit, and setting goals for what we hope to accomplish athletically.

I think I’d have a hard time being married to someone who couldn’t keep up physically. Of course, one hopes that love conquers all (certainly either I or my husband could become physically incapacitated for some reason, and I’d like to think our love would survive quite nicely). So I’d probably make my peace with being married to someone less physically able than I am due to being older.

But I have a sneaking sense that sometimes I’d regret it.

58

I am 10 years older than my wife. I was 37 when we got married. Once she said what it would be like if we had met earlier. I said " well when I was 18 ,you were 8. Is that what you mean?" She called me a pervert.
I am far more physically active than my wife. She does zero exercise. I walk my dogs 2 to 5 miles ,everyday. I play about 8 hours of racketball a week.