[QUOTE=Mouse_MavenApparently, I’m the only person who believes that a woman in her late twenties/early thirties can be a virgin and not be needy, clingly or very religious.[/QUOTE]
Actually, no you aren’t. I was in my mid-twenties before I had sex. I got a college degree in a program that had about 8 guys to every woman, so it wasn’t from lack of guys. I just wasn’t ready for it. Not a religious or moral decision. Just not ready.
So no, I wasn’t needy (I’m quite self-sufficent, thank you), clingly (only when my feet are cold) or very religious. Just not ready. (seeing a theme here yet?)
So yes, my first time probably wasn’t mindblowing for my partner. But we laughed about it, had fun, and moved on.
If I’ve gotten to know someone well enough to decide sex is probable, hopefully I’m not going to let something like virginity stop things. (But I’m also very much not a one-night-stand, or pick someone up in a bar kind of person)
Earlier in this thread I mentioned that I can’t perform fellatio for very long because of my jaw. I keep my ears open about things that may add more bang to my abreviated action. One day, I heard about keeping a mint in your mouth. Tried that, he liked it. Hummm. . .What else can we try? I know! Let’s see what a little soda on the mouth will do.
It has been mentioned that in cases where the female can’t go long enough to produce a result or the man lasts too long in order to get a result, that preforming said task while watching erotic videos can help “speed” things along… or lead to other activities…
I think some women need to psych themselves up before the “first time” - just 'cus there’s so much “stuff” heaped on it for girls (and probably for guys too).
Interesting thought experiment: for those that have said they’d avoid a 30-year-old female virgin, would it change your mind if she revealed she’d had anal sex with, say, ten guys in her past?
It would make me seriously question her intelligence. Not because of the anal sex but because she could actually believe in such a specious definition of virginity (plus it would mean that she was super religious and that’s a deal breaker for me anyway).
I am not a guy. (But you knew that). But…
If she’s just saving her hymen, who the hell is she saving it for? I agree with Diogenes on this one at least, what the hell??? Your previous boyfriends get everything else and the so-called love of your life gets your hymen?
Og forbid she rides bikes, or does gymnastics. Or rides a horse.
With as much as I have ‘contributed’ to this thread, I will answer.
This new found information changes my assumptions that I made early, mainly about the seriousness of the relationship before deciding to engage in sexual activity.
New assumptions:
Although saving her hymen, she takes it up the rear with the regularity that most would in vaginally. Her willingness to do this takes all the anxiety out of the situation, thus restoring the physical part of the sex equation.
With this being said, although she might not be the “one” for me due to her strange behavior, I wouldn’t exclude her from my dating pool.
FYI, here is a thread we did about a year ago on a similar topic, which included many of the same posters as this one. (Although it’s rather more adversarial in tone.) I link because I thought I came off particularly well in that thread.
Some other responses:
Intimacy is intimacy. Plus, speaking anecdotally, I think guys of my general age group (30-ish) were scared shitless in our teens of the spectre of date rape – not only that our loved ones would be victims, but that we dudes were always one step away from becoming a date rapist. So I think that when a guy thinks he’s about to get some with a girl for the first time, he might nibble around the subject conversationally for a while to make sure that everybody in the room is on the same page. (And just as well in these instances, it seems.)
Well, no shit, but we’re all playing the percentages here. As I noted in the other thread, a woman who is a virgin at 30 who is nonetheless personally and physically attractive is probablya virgin by choice. And if you’re the guy she’s been on five dates with in the last month, the “by choice” part means that it’s is safe for you to assume you’re not going to be having sex with her anytime soon. It is furthermore a safe assumption that when she does open the gates, it’s going to be a much bigger deal to her than it is to you. I dn’t think either of these are leaps of logic, nor are they really sterotypes – they’re probably not 100% true of all women in the class, but so what? They’re going to be true enough of the time that the cost-benefit analysis says “cut and run” – because the alternative is to hang around for the next six to eighteen months before you get any trim. Which is unreasonable even aside from the no sex part, because most of us think that sexual compatibility is an important part of a relationship – and if we’re not even going to get to test it for a year, well, there are other fish in the sea, and we’re not getting any younger.
Huh. Reading this thread has brought me to the conclusion that sex doesn’t mean all that much to people these days. I guess I’m old-fashioned but I don’t have sex with men that I don’t have an emotional connection with. I was older when I lost my virginity (mid 20’s) but that was mostly because I was pretty geeky in high school/college and didn’t date much. When I came into my own <snerk> I still waited until I was with someone that I truly cared about. I just don’t enjoy sex without some sort of emotional connection. One night stands are no fun. Mr. Rabbit is safer and more pleasurable (of course, he’s not much of a cuddler). Maybe it has something to do with being the penetratee rather than the penetrator. Perhaps guys would feel differently about sex if the roles were reversed. Interestingly enough, all of my male gay friends refuse to be on the, umm, receiving end.
Dio, isn’t it enough for someone to simply not want to have sex with any of the potential males she’s encountered? Is there necessarily a pathology behind that choice?
It sounds reasonable on the face of it, but if I swap sexes and turn it around
If the “don’t want” party were a 30 year old male, and he was not constrained by religious considerations, then yes I would say there is some kind of serious issue behind that “I just don’t wanna” choice. Whether it’s “pathological” or not I can’t say. Sure, it’s possible that a 30 year old woman just doesn’t “want to”, but in real life that’s going to be a huge red flag for anyone trying to break that streak.
I wouldn’t avoid that. She’s a technically a virgin purely on physical grounds, but mentally and psychologically she’s a non-virgin. It’s the anticipated mental or psychological fallout that makes me skittish on the 30-year old virgin deal, so, no problem with a chick that would only let me do anal because she wanted to save her vagina for something special.
I don’t know. I don’t think “pathology” would be the right word in most cases (religiosity or social inadequacies aren’t necessarily “pathologies”) My point with that post was not that “I’m not ready” implies anything crazy, just that it’s an answer which contains no information.
I don’t know, any of the practical reasons for not having sex (pregnancy risk, STD risk, relationship not serious enough, etc.) could apply to a man just as well as a woman.
