I think what is happening is some guys seem to forget that undesirable women exist. So in their head, they are willing to “get to know” any woman-- but they just aren’t factoring in the cat-lady hoarder or the drug abusing prostitute as a “woman” they might be dating.
yes, that is why I said for women there is often a THIRD criteria.
If you are looking for a LTR, why would you flesh that out over time, its as easily established as chemistry - more subtly than “what is your three year plan.” With physical intimacy happening so quickly in a 21st century relationship for most people, if you aren’t interested in sex with THAT PERSON outside its LTR potential, you have to establish it quickly. Sex for women is still often a complicated thing - and some women aren’t thrilled about one night stands and guys they regret.
Nope. Plenty of women are only interested in sex - or maybe interested in a LTR with someone other than you but only want sex from you (this seems to be the case if you are a guy in a band, for instance). And plenty of men are looking for LTR, but maybe they only want sex from the woman they are currently with and don’t see her as LTR material. But if you aren’t going to hand out sex outside of a LTR - or at least a potential LTR with this particular guy - then establishing who this guy is is a gating factor in moving on to something other than a quick good night kiss that dodges the lips.
I’m not even sure of that question in a job interview. It seems so…1990s.
Having long-term goals is good. Having a 10-year life plan just feels odd.
YMMV.
especially since things like “ongoing employment” is out of your control
This is…wonderful! Where, on earth, did it come from?
If you made it up, you are my new hero!
In re the OP, I would think I would fall in love. A woman who is that mercenary could only help me to save money, and would not allow me to spend any of it on stupid things like jewelry or flowers for her.
Yes, yes, these women are just doing the equivalent of filtering out the crack-whores, crazy cat ladies and incontinent octogenarians.
How would I feel being asked that? It depends. Is this before, during, or after sex?
I hate to say it, but the guy who spends more hours on WOW than working, the 35 year old who starts the day with a bong hit and the grown man who can’t do laundry or cook a meal are the equivalent of these things. It amazes me how many guys don’t take care of themselves at all, and yet would never dream of dating someone with their exact same flaws.
Can I ask how men filter out golddiggers? Women who are only interested in getting nice dinners and presents in exchange for sex. Who would marry you, but expect you to support them for the rest of their lives. I mean, not the golddiggers who are obvious about it by asking about your three year plan, but the ones that are subtle and likely to entrap you when they discover your earning potential meets their criteria.
I’ve heard of men renting/borrowing cheap cars as “golddigger filters” (even using that exact phrase).
Hmmm…could have sworn we covered this.
Because asking blunt questions like: “What is your 3 year plan?” Is awkward and frankly a bit creepy, and smacks of desperation. There are reasons why we don’t ask blunt questions. After all, a man could go on a first date and say, “Do you have large supple breasts and a sufficiently wide pelvis to deliver children?”, but men don’t tend to do that, because they likely would not have a second date with that person. [EDIT: Not to say that men don’t often say stupid things, of course]
Hmmm… that makes your previous comment puzzling:
"So why would I waste time if you didn’t have long term potential? It isn’t like he’s going to waste time with me if it obvious I’m not going to put out. "
I mean, that sounded like you were implying that women only want long term potential, and men only want a woman to put out. I’m not trying to put words in your mouth; I’m just reading what you wrote.
Then you are having a hard time with words like some, and when…
And I’ve been pretty clear - yep, three year plan isn’t subtle at all - creepy is a fine word. But a women who intends to have a LTR does have a right to start off finding out if your life goals and hers match. Why bother wasting both your time if that isn’t the case? Why would you let feelings grow and develop between you and someone who intends to go to grad school next year halfway across the country when you’d never leave your family and friends to move out of state?
I’m not sure it’s relevant to this discussion. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with living with your parents for a time after college, for example, but if you’re not working and not trying your hardest to get started on your own independent life, there comes a point where that word applies.
I thought the thread was about the general idea of asking for someone’s three- and five- and ten-year plans, not about using the exact words “What is your three year plan?” That phrasing might be off-putting but there’s nothing wrong with the topic of conversation.
What a strange response. You wrote: “I don’t agree that the “sponging off your parents” thing is primarily financial anyway.”, then I asked you how you would define “sponging”, and you responded by saying it’s not relevant to the discussion. Do you have a habit of bringing up topics that you don’t believe are relevant?
At any rate, I think you missed the point. My question is, if you don’t think the phrase “sponging off your parents” is related to financial matters, then how are you defining “sponging” where it is not related to money? It means getting things for free, doesn’t it?
No, the thread is specifically about asking the question in that particular way. Did you read the OP? In fact, if you would care to read ALL of my posts, you would see that I am suggesting there are other ways to glean such information without asking the question in that particular way. I don’t see anything wrong with asking your date what they do for a living or where they live, but asking for their “10-year plan” seems creepy to me. Don’t let it ruin your day though - we don’t all have to agree on everything all the time.
I’ve met a few and also who want to know how many credit cards I have and what their limits are
Since I am already 68 years old and 9 years since a triple bypass surgery where I was told I had a 50 50 chance of living another 5 years I have no 10 year plan.
I didn’t bring it up. Someone else brought it up and I commented on it.
I think it means living with your parents instead of pursuing an independent adult life when you’re otherwise capable of doing so. Someone who is trying their hardest to land a job out of college, for example, I’m sympathetic to. Someone who’s not looking for work because he’s living at home and already has his needs met is a different story.
Yes, and I posted in this thread a couple of times already. In fact I’m going to quote the OP now.
The OP talks about asking about those plans. He doesn’t say it would have to take the form of “What is your three-year life plan?” The thread title has a longer version of the same quote.
Ugh. Based on your attitude, I definitely do not care to. And if I ever want you to explain a thread to me, I’ll ask. If not, you don’t need to bother.
Don’t know what that’s supposed to mean. Sounds sarcastic, so I’ll just say don’t get your panties in a wad and let’s all try to be nice.
We’re just going in circles now. On a first date, I would generally ask things like, “Did you go to college?” If the person is planning to go to college out of state next year, I’m pretty sure that’s going to get mentioned. Like I keep saying, there are better ways to find out about someone than making it sound like a hellish job interview. So why are we still discussing this?
Now you’re splitting hairs. You made a point of disagreeing with something I wrote, which wasn’t even directed toward you, then acted like you didn’t want to answer when I asked you to elaborate. I just find that odd.
I don’t think so. One could live with one’s parents and pay them rent. “Sponging” is a specific term that refers to taking from others without paying for it.
So then you are sympathetic to someone who is trying to establish financial means, but not sympathetic so someone who is not. Tell me again how that is not about money?
Actually, the OP wrote: “How would you react to a woman wanting to know your your 3, 5 and 10 year “life plans” on a first date”. “Life plan” is even in quotes. Seems clear to me. In fact, it seemed clear to most participants in this thread, other than you.
,
Oh, I see. So based on reading only a small portion of what I have written, you assumed what you thought my point was, reacted angrily to it, and aren’t interested in finding out what I was actually saying.
Hmmm…can’t say I care much for your attitude either. That’s an awfully big chip you’ve got on your shoulder.
women set themselves up to be PLAYED because once they start asking all those stupid a$$ questions all the guy is going to do is LIE until he get them drawls:D