I aam often upset with my boyfriend, whom chooses to play computer instead of play with me quite often. When we talk he asks what he can do to change, and I let him know. I am always told that men try their hardest to keep their women happy, but why is it that they never do? Do they not know how?
Questioner of all things human, Lystra.
I assume since he’s still your boyfriend he must make you happy sometimes.
A GD?
An MPSIMS?
A GQ?
A BBQ?
GD,
Men who try too hard to please their women can come of as “wimpish”
MPSIMS,
My boyfriend prefers starcraft to sex.
GQ,
Why Does my boyfreind prefer the computer to me?
BBQ,
Why does a poster who lives in Canada have so little grasp of the English language?
OOps,
A quick peek at the posters homepage reveals,
http://www.geocities.com/andrealeier/
She is 15, cut her some slack.
Her intrests are:
Verbatim quotes all,
My Interests,
I like my computer. Ranting and raving. Talking about what I know that I know. Understand. I do
About me,
I am 15, partially insane, psychotic, pretty, and athiest. Now you can judge anything that I mention as “pre pubescent”. If you really understand, let me know. If you don’t, ask.
Family,
My family is strange and dysfunctional. You don’t understand
Friends,
I have no friends.
Don’t forget to click on the LSD homepage link while you are there.
How old is your boyfriend?
If he’s 22, then he shouldn’t be devoting more time to video games than to you. But if he’s 22, you have more problems than video games to worry about. If he’s closer to your age, then I think that some amount of video game fixation is normal.
If you’ve told him that the way he spends his time playing video games makes you unhappy, and it doesn’t affect how he spends his time, then welcome to being a teenager and dating a teenager.
You’re right about one thing. The objects may change, but you may face this exact same issue in later years. Sometimes men are boys, no matter how old they are.
Today for you, tomorrow for me.
Teenage boys are like that. Some women I asked said the boys get better after 23, but not always.
Lystra, this is exactly the sort of question you should be asking at your age. And if you will learn the lesson I am about to impart to you now, you will have a much happier life.
If your boyfriend is repeatedly doing something that makes you unhappy, that he knows makes you unhappy, and won’t stop, then it is time to get a new boyfriend.
Listen to me carefully - You cannot change him -
While there may not be too many in the 15 year old dating pool, eventually you will find that there are many men out there who genuinely want to make the woman they are with happy. Hold out for one of those, and accept nothing less.
Lucretia is right - you probably won’t take her advice though, few people do. Like me, they keep trying and trying to change the person, but all the person is is a nacissistic, self-absorbed slug.
The Prince: “Did you kill Jahamaraj Jah?”
Lady: “Yes.”
The Prince: “My Gods! Why?”
Lady: “His existence offended me.”
On the other hand, don’t expect your boyfriend (or anyone else) to give you happiness. Decide what makes you happy and seek it out, decide what makes you unhappy and avoid it, but don’t depend on other people for your emotions. It’s your life; don’t hand over control of it to anyone else.
on the other other hand, maybe starcraft (or whatever game it is) makes him happy. Why are you trying to deprive him of his happiness?
One of my hobbies is working on cars (when I have one that I like). I used to date this girl who was jealous of my mustang (a '69 all dressed up. Sweet car) and we had a big fight every time I tried to do anything to it, even though the rest of my week was devoted to trying to make her happy. Needless to say, we lasted about a month. Relationships are about compromise. The guy is not obligated to shower the girl with happiness 24/7, and vice-versa. If something makes him happy, don’t try to take it away. Let him have it. If something makes you happy, he should appreciate that as well.
Sounds like you have a pretty one-way vision of what’s supposed to happen.
Joe Cool
I understand that I can’t change a person, but thougght perhaps he would change himself. And about him playing computer because it makes him happy, he has already told me that he plays to pass time, and to hide when he is upset because he won’t cry. I don’t know, it just feels like he doesn’t understand anything I say to him. Anyways, I suppose I’ll stop whining now! Thanks you all for your addvice.
Questioner of all things human, Lystra.
This is a subject better suited to the good folks in MPSIMS. I’ll move the thead over there.
NYC IRL III
is on April 15th. Do you have what it takes?
Lystra wrote:
Any man who needs to try hard to keep a woman happy really needs to find a different woman. Some women are what’s called high maintenence, and while most women don’t like to be tarred with this brush, it’s useful to remember that just because a man doesn’t give a woman all the attention she wants doesn’t mean he’s just a jerk, or a failure. Some women just wear a guy out. Other women would wear their men out if their men hadn’t learned to tune them out, or find something else to do besides pay attention to them.
Lystra,
You’re 15 years old. This relationship will probably not last your whole life. Cool it. Find something else to do while he plays around on his computer. If that means that the two of you start to drift apart, well, that was probably what was going to happen anyway. It’s no big deal if a relationship ends when you’re 15. I know that that sounds cruel, but believe it or not it won’t kill either of you to not have a boyfriend/girlfriend for a while.
Advice to the teenage lovelorn! My second career choice, if this contracts management thing doesn’t fly.
And if I don’t go back to law.
And if I don’t get a word processing job as a two-fingered typist.
OK, so it’s my fourth choice.
Perhaps, Lystra, you might ask yourself what qualities about him appeal to you. Clearly, his video game skills are not wooing you over. Sadly, thing have not changed much from when I was fifteen, and could kick the ass of every Space Invader from the arcade to… well… to wherever they were all coming from. Sadly, no hot girl came along and fell in love with for this skill, despite the fact that I had saved Earth day after day from invasion.
The girls in my high school clearly had no sense of proportion.
But I digress. What about him makes you heart skip beats?
Okay, there’s a difference between “making a mutally happy environment” and “fulfilling every wish, dream and undefined desire”.
In the first, both people are full people first who are incidentially strong, caring and flexible enough to make some compromises as GIFTS for a loved Other.
In the second, one or both get seduced into a neurotic stew of fear, neediness and doomed hopes. (Quiz: which option do I favor?)
Not to be tough-minded or anything, but in most cases “happiness”=decision. Travail, hardship, heartbreak, boredom, anomie, etc. all happen. (Pointless meandering: I’d love a bumper sticker that says, “Anomie Happens”)
But, staying w/ the bumper sticker theme, it all comes back to something insultingly simple: get a life. People who own their lives have the capacity for happiness and the will to pass it on. But the flow has to be strength to strength.
People can give great joy through small things: peaceful silence, companionship, rude laughter, WHATEVER…but it’s all dependent on the receiver being whole enough to recognize the gift.
In other words, expecting/offering to give up basics is sick; gifting on little stuff is loving. (e.g. when the BF is on the computer, drop off a drink of choice along w/ a quick kiss on the forehead–then go read, watch the tube or whatever. Then note if he KNOWS the comprises that mean as much to you.)
Just a few thoughts.
Veb
Veb, what the heck does that last sentence mean?
“His eyes are as green as a fresh-pickled toad,
His hair is as dark as a blackboard,
I wish he was mine, he’s really divine,
The hero who conquered the Dark Lord.”
starcraft? whats the guys name 
Reminds me of a guy who used to visit my channel. His girlfriend partially dumped him because he spent too much time on starcraft. (we stopped playing games with him because hed pause almost every game because the phones ringing) and partially because she was mormon and her parents talked her into dumping him because he wasent mormon.
my suggestion? Compromise, play computer games with him
Lystra: It’s not his or any other man’s job to entertain his SO. It is not your fault if you think that it is because you are inexperienced and you’ve probably had some bad role models. I don’t mean that to be a reflection on your family and friends, but on society at large which puts women in an inferior role. Please break the cycle and become your own woman. You’ll be much happier for it.
Secondly, what is it you are attempting to entice him into doing? Hold hands on the couch and watch tv? That’s no good. What sorts of things do you both enjoy doing? If the list is short or non-existent find another boyfriend and/or develop more interests and hobbies.
Umm yes - In reply to all of you. I’m 15, and I do know what love is. I don’t expect my relationships to last forever. Mya last one ended after about 7 months due to him cheating with my best friend… for 7 months…
Anyways, I have some serious issues, I was somewhat a crackwhore last year, I lived on the street, ran away from my family, didnt speak to them. I mean, I know that isnt as bad as some people have it… but I came back all “new and reformed” expecting to get a little bit of respect and attention from those that I had dissapointed earlier. I guess I won’t whine on about my lost childhood right now, I just need affection once in a while, and I want him to have as much enjoyment with me as he does his computer. And for all you people talking about Starcraft… he plays Quake3 more often. I mean he could have at least chosen a GOOD game. LOL… anyways, I have to study for a drivers test.
Questioner of all things human, Lystra.