I know you are saying “Men!” why do they do this, looking at your self and wondering what’s wrong with me. You don’t want to and you don’t doubt yourself all the time, but you do, we all do. If you are only 19 then there is one thing I can tell you. Some of us are late bloomers, especially women. We get so many mixed signals about how a real woman should display her sexuality. Do you know of that many sexual stereotypes for a man? Women are whores, Madonnas, divas, Mother Theresas, hoochie mamas, golddiggers, prudes, prigs, teases, flirts, just to name a few. It’s no wonder that sometimes we aren’t sure how to feel about our sexuality. And the women you are describing, the ones that enhance their tits, ass and hair, what about them? What does all that plastic say about how they feel about themselves? It’s been my experience that many women who flaunt their sexuality in that manner are the most insecure. They are looking for love and going about getting it with nothing but sex. Their relationships are short, explosive and numerous. They never get a chance to develop anything positive. And they attract the wrong kind of man in the first place.
I know you’re a little disappointed about your friend but obviously he’s still young like you are and just a little bit shallow. He also might not be looking at this chick with the idea of a relationship. He might even be avoiding someone that he knows he will end up having to actually feel something with. Don’t let something like this make an impact on your confidence. Even if you aren’t the sexiest thing on two legs right now, you’ve got time. Believe me, it’s all sort of a state of mind. It took me years to acutally feel sexy. And now I can turn it on and off at will. I know for some people it just seems to come naturally. But it really doesn’t, it’s just another social skill like so many others we learn. Some might argue the point with me, but you can learn to have more sexual confidence just like you can learn anything else.
aenea, Janeen, piàcere.
would you happen to be able to explain why it is that every woman I meet in person is so fickle and full of issues she has to blame it on men? I’m not trying to make an attack, but to point out Nacho, as wonderful as she may be, might want to look at herself as well, and take the initiative to make a decision and do something about it rather than complain about it and not do anything at all otherwise hence furthering her heartfelt dilemma. I feel for you nacho, as i myself am going through plenty right now, but please, take responsibility for yourself, don’t worry about what some jerk guy is interested in if he’s not gonna be good for you anyway, and approach and make known of yourself to a man who does deserve you if you feel you really are wonderful. A woman with confidence goes a long way with a mans heart if she catches it. This is probably a horrible metaphor, but, Fish don’t just jump in the boat, ya gotta lure them in.
Hey! If we’re gonna do the stereotype thing, can I be a “hoochie mama”? I’ve always wanted to be one, and I think it suits me more than “diva” or “prig.”
For the record, I am 19 years old! Which may seem young, but this has happened to me countless times. I’m the girl guys are friends with, not the one they date. I did just get my Learner’s permit, but then, I have a huge fear of killing people and/or myself at high speeds. But anyway…
I’ve never done that - dismissed a person at first glance. I guess it comes from being in fifth grade with buck teeth, a bad perm, wearing a woman’s size 16 (Ive lost a lot of weight in my life), but I give everyone ample time to prove their worth to me. Most of my boyfriends have NOT been perfect, and I did not think they were sexy at first. But their wonderful personalities and ability to make me laugh won me over.
I don’t want a man who will fuck anything. I want one who will fuck me, and then buy me dinner and roses. Is that too much to ask?
You are awesome. I don’t understand why you can’t get a date!!
I also understand your viewpoint. But I can support myself and if a guy can too, and maybe buy dinner once in a while, then he is alrrrright with me. I don’t want someone else’s money, I want to make my own. If I am going to be rich, I want to be able to take credit for earning it, not for fucking my way into it.
Thank you soooo much. That was sweet. I don’t know what to say to that except maybe I have been single-minded about this guy. But it’s hard to believe anyone else is actively interested in me…We’ll see, I guess.
Exactly!! I had a friend once (platonic, he’s gay) who said, “You swim in the deep end, Sarah, while I skim the surface.” That’s my problem. I love intellectual conversation, deep talks, laughing my ass off at wit and humor. Who wants an empty shell that looks good when the funny-looking one over there makes me laugh? Sheesh.
I might try that. As I mentioned in IMHO, I have really nice bras and undies. Hmmmm.
Way to overreact, Quicksilver. I never said that. If your wife is intelligent, then she doesn’t fit the description in my OP, does she? You put her there, not me. If she makes you happy and is beautiful, more power to you. I’m just saying that most women are not beautiful, are not perfect, and are not size 6’s. But most guys are not Tom Cruise either. In my experiance, men are willing to forgive most personality flaws if the package is perfect, while women are willing to forgive most flaws in the packaging if the personality if perfect. I just don’t understand the appeal.
There’s that tired Darwin arguement you pulled out of your ass in GD during the thin/fat debate. Actually, I may/may not major in Sociology. I have taken five Soc. classes since Intro., and I learned in one class (I believe it was The Changing Structure of Relationships and Family) that woman with large hips, about a size 12-14, are the women best suited for child-bearing. There are several women (4, at last count) in my family, including my mom, who wear size 6’s and had children. All 4 had c-sections because (as the doctors said) they were too small for the child. I am not making this up…I can quote the textbook if you want.
I notice you said, “worth HIS salt.” Hmmm. Just noticing.
Also, lest you feel too superior, it is only recently that I haven’t had time to work out because I started a new job. Usually I wear a size 8 and I have spent some time in size 6’s - it depends on the brand of clothing.
I just don’t see that as a reason to judge someone.
And please read my OP before jumping on YOUR moral high horse. (I’m invoking the spirit of B_Line 12…)If you can’t do that, stay out of my post, thanks.
Exactly.
I DO feel sexy. But it doesn’t seem to matter because I don’t look like a blow-up doll. However, I understand what you are saying. I am still young, and I dohave a lot of room to grow.
See, this guy, we’ll call him Z, is 23. He is older than me. I know he is attracted to me, because he has said so and we’ve discussed it. But he has this girlfriend who is just a bimbo. He does all sorts of romantic things for her and she doesn’t care. At parties, she just hangs on him and smiles. He says he loves her, but he can’t talk to her, share with her, etc, like he can with me. And he is a wonderful man.
Maybe I need to find some thirty-five year old friends. I know he knows I have feelings for him…He keeps coming to me for advice, thinking about breaking up with the girlfriend, so I keep waiting…but he never does. So who knows?
Thanks to everyone for responding. Remember everyone, I am 19! Nineteen…19. The thought of being 15 again gives me the shivers…ugh.
Since we’re ranting about the opposite sex here, let me add something…
Men who think that women are only after money, FUCK YOU! How fucking shallow do you think we are? Personally, I would not want a computer geek who works 70 hours a week and wants to live in a brand new house in fucking Santa Clara for an SO. I have often heard men bitching about how women only want men with money - that’s just an excuse for why women don’t want YOU. “Oh, yeah, she liked me a lot until she found out I make minimum wage at McDonalds.” Ever think it has to do with the intelligence level of someone who works at McDonalds as opposed to the paycheck? I hate HATE HATE that men think that women are like this. Again, FUCK YOU! There may be some women who are like this, but just as men here are protesting that most of you are after model types with fake tans and boobs, this is a small minority of idiotic people.
He can’t get a date because his hardcore badass metalchick girlfriend would beat him up if he tried. That, and he’s a tool. Does have a pretty good grasp of the Bible, though.
Trust me, hon. Do NOT get hung up on age. You seem like a pretty level-headed chick, in which case, an older guy might be better for you anyway. I tend to date men older than myself, just because their priorities are more similar to mine than another 20 year old’s. Frat parties aren’t my scene, coffeehouses are. And they tend to have the all-important confidence factor thing figured out. And I find that more in older men than younger. Besides, if he TOLD you he was attracted to you, I’d say that’s a flashing neon light over his head saying “Hit on me! Hit on me!”
He sounds like a nice guy who is using the blonde chick as a self-esteem builder. Out with the Bimbo, in with the Age of Sarah!
And as for the “who is worse: men or women?” debate. The bottom line is that we are different creatures, whose burden is to attempt to figure each other out for all eternity. (unless you favor the same flavor, but that’s another thread) Are ALL women looking for money? Hell no. It would be nice along with the other stuff, not no. Are ALL men looking for T&A? Hell no. It would be nice along with the other stuff. Of course SOME people are going to be more shallow than others, but that’s why you have to LOOK for the right person. Expecting that all human beings are of the same moral standing as yourself is only going to get you one rude awakening.
Now can’t we all have a nice group hug and go back to flaming the trolls? {{{everyone}}} Hey! Whose hand is that? Men are pigs.
Okay, I may have over-reacted. Slightly. But then…
It may be old and tired but but far more credible than the “Jeebus Saved Me” defense.
Learned all that did you? Can you get your money back for that class? I hope so cuz that’s the second biggest load of crap I’ve ever heard in my life. I know you’re young but it’s the perfect time to learn to question much of what you read… even from text books.
I’m sorry to hear that - but if the doctors said it, it must be true, right?. Or perhaps they were not very good doctors. You know, I’ve heard that doctors induce some of their patients because they want the child to come before their tee off time, as a result full dialation does not occur and presto - out come the scalpels and rationalizations. But this is not a thread about medical malpractice.
Now you are over-reacting…
I’ve got nothing to feel superior about. I’ve got 20lb to lose myself.
I think you just stated the problem and the answer right there. I think many women spend too much time pining over some guy without just going ahead and asking him out, which would really simplify things for everyone involved. Of course, this sort of depends on what you’re looking for. If you want someone who’s confident, you can wait for them to make the move (but that isn’t always true, some men are very confident, just not with women, take me for an example). However, if you just want a nice guy, you might have to take the initiative. It’s just a common fact, men are more likely to hit on bombshell women. Mainly because their friends are usually watching when they do it. But have you ever seen a man turn a woman down? I’m sure it happens, but not very often. Of course, seeing as the subject of Sarah’s crush happens to be with another woman, my statement probably doesn’t help much with her problem. Good luck, anyway.
Actually, most men are not pigs. Most people are just as human as the next guy (Please no alien jokes). You find me a real person without flaws and I’ll show you an android. For every truly chauvanistic asswipe, there are a dozen who are being called that just because they don’t agree on a few points with you. Yes there are shallow men for whom all that is needed is that the lady look good, with a vapid stare and willing legs. There are also plenty of men whom only care that the lady be able to help him with his math. The same holds true with women, many look at the pocketbook only, many look at how liberal the person is only. But those are the extremes, to be human is to be a creature of comprimise. Evolution is comprimise, ones personality is a comprimise of genes vs enviroment, so why shouldn’t relationships be comprimises as well? So we get to the heart of it, the male is wired to look for the lady whom will best fit his gestalt[sup]1[/sup], while the lady does as well. The question that now arises is which gestalt is the best one for the person in question. I’d say that the average male will first look at physicality, then look at personality. And the females will do the same. Why? Because humans are sight oriented. What comes next is a matter of the weights in the persons gestalt, the shallower the person, the more likely that sight is the primary weight alone. But even a fairly deep person can have their weights modified to an extreme. This is because such weights are not static. Nacho, what was your friend like before he met the bimbo? Lonely, burned, or perhaps his background even farther back causes him to prefer her. Its a complex interaction. So now that I’ve spent several lines meandering around the issue, and proven that I have no idea what I’m talking about, save that which can be expressed in the one sentence - “Humans are queer folk, really fucked in the head.” - I’ll shut up now.
[sup]1[/sup] By gestalt I mean the complex interaction between genetics, rearing and current enviroment. And how that influences the person and what ‘weights’ are attributed to what influences.
N4Sara, I don’t know what to say here but guys are guys. We do have DIFFERENT chemicals floating around in our body then say…women. I most of the time am charming, thoughtful, sensitive…but then again sometimes I just wanna fuck! Don’t blame me–blame my phyisiology (and those primitive parts of my brain ~ which carry on the all mighty life force). I’m 21 and most the time i’m too serious! You’re 19, to an extent we’re both immature. When you’re young your not supposed to be looking so seriously—just have fun! Enjoy your youth. I have seen a lot of young marriages and NEVER one that has worked out! Have fun, date people—then when you’re 25-30 you’ll really know what you want. I could start a thread about how some women are soooooooo emotional–I like it sometimes, BUT it tends to be more of a turn off than a turn on. Anyways, if you find guys in your age group too immature then start hitting on older guys–they tend to be more mature.
QuickSilver, QuickSilver, QuickSilver, I am a credentialed Anthropologist and what you say is wrong on many levels, so shut up and learn, for a change.
What Sarah says is true. Women with some meat on their large and well-spaced bones are far better reproductive units than skinny women with narrow, boyish, pelvi. The extra weight ensures that hormone levels remain even and the growing embryo has something with which to grow. A broad pelvis provides passing room for a child with a large head and brain.
“Men” are not attracted to plastic, size 4 women. “American men” may be, because they have been conditioned to like that in recent years. But it was not always true. Look at pictures of Marlyn Monroe if you think that the Kate Moss look is what is naturally desireable.
In non-Western cultures you will find that the blonde bimbo is considered grotesque. Japanese Barbie dolls had to lose multiple cup sizes to sell. Even in the African-American subculture the skinny-white-girl look is not considered attractive. Your pseudo-Darwinian beliefs are so much bullshit.
As for you, Sarah, I wouldn’t have to buy you dinner and roses first? Ah, to be single and half my age…
Some men are pigs.
Some women are golddiggers.
Some beautiful women are intelligent, compassionate and acomplished.
Some beautiful women are stupid, greedy and shallow.
Some wealthy men are compassionate and supportive.
Some wealthy men are selfish and arrogant.
Welcome to the human race. Those who score well in all phases of life’s lottery tend to get scooped up pretty quick. But what I really wanted to say was:
No. He isn’t.
He is a man in a relationship who is nevertheless establishing an intimate relationship with another woman. (Yes, telling you hi is attracted to you and can share things with you that he can’t share with his SO qualifies.) He lacks the courage and/or the inclination to either leave his girlfriend or commit himself fully to that relationship.
My guess is that he is hoping to become more intimate with you without ever ending/altering his present relationship.
I might be wrong, but it is a pattern I have seen, and lived, before.
There is hope, though. Eventually I grew up. He might, too.
First, Silo gives good hug. Just wanted to mention that.
Second, thank you to Mr. C for giving me a flashback back to my freshman year of college. The guys on the floor above me ALWAYS sang that. (I have a karaoke version somewhere…)
Third, Sara - guys are superficial sometimes, yes. However, trust me (speaking with all my 24 year old wisdom), there are guys who want to find someone nice, someone who will care about them. However, I won’t say that this will happen overnight. Good luck, hon…men are by definition hard to figure out. And honestly, so are women sometimes.
I think Jesus is as full of as much bullshit as Darwin. Don’t toss that defense at me.
I really think I’ll just go ahead and trust my textbook (and dropzone) before I believe what you say. Thanks anyway.
I really think I’ll just go ahead and trust the doctors(and dropzone) before I believe what you say. Thanks anyway.
For the record, 3 of those 4 childbirths were about to proceed when the doctors stopped. Their bone structure was just too small to squeeze out a watermelon-sized object. These four women are sisters and they all have the same problem. Small builds, skinny bods.
The other woman, my aunt, had the whole c-section planned ahead of time because she is the youngest and from the experiance with her sisters, the doc said she would end up with a c-section anyway.
I know I know…but I have had boyfriends and never a serious relationship. I want a serious relationship, even if I don’t spend my life with that person. I was some companionship and love and sex and all that good stuff…and no one is offering it right now.
**Mr. Cynical…**I like big butts too. :)I guess that explains the attraction to Jennifer Lopez (another thing I have never understood, but that’s a whole different deal).
I’ve recently developed a thing for older men, so who knows…I like smart guys too. You would have to buy me dinner and roses about ten times (I might go dutch too) before you got anywhere near my undies, but after that, it’d be worth the wait.
Oh baby I wanna get with ya
and take your pictcha
your homeboyz tried to warn me
but that butt you got makes me so horny
Ew Rappa smooth skin
you say you wanna get in my bends
well use me - use me
cause you ain’t that average groupie.
<snip>
So Cosmo says your fat …
well I ain’t down with that
cause what your waist is small
and your curves are kickin’
and i’m thinkin’ bout stickin’
That’s true, but I think there is evidence proving that men my age are all pigs. All of them. Every last one. Her name is Britney Spears.
If he thinks that’s the deal, he has another thing coming. I don’t think he would want that, but wow I would make him a sorry man if he did.
Thanks, Falcon. I’ve got nothing to do but wait, so…maybe someday my prince will come. I really want to get married before I am 30, though.
I’m sick of feeling like the only way I will ever be happy is if I have a full-frontal lobotomy. As far as I can tell, that’s what the men my age look for.
Who is surprised Silo knows all the words to “Baby Got Back”? (Then again, so do I.)
Sara - I know how you feel. I went on my first date at 24. 6 months ago, in fact. And I want to get married before I’m 30 too…I know waiting hurts. Sometimes it’s all you can do. hugs Sara hard
Besides, there’s all these nice smart guys HERE…and some of them are local…
