I once went into CVS and bought Kotex, chocolate and Pepsi, and then told the poor teenage boy working the cash register, “Don’t tick me off today”. The woman behind me in line laughed.
Nobody uses 2 dollar bills. I really can’t imagine this would be successful anywhere.
I do remember, as a little kid, my dad being pissed off at a cashier for something, and demanding that his change be all pennies. I can’t remember what the circumstances were exactly, and I don’t think he actually got the change in pennies, but that was my earliest recollection of him fucking with service-industry people (many, many more would follow.) Unless, of course, the person in question was an attractive young woman.
Technically that’s true, but they’ve always complied. Banks, too.
I’ve been successful several times at this. At the Ralph’s near USC in South Central.
How about donning a ski mask, walking into 7-11, and buying a candy bar?
Yeah, when I was 13 I bought three packages of toilet paper one Friday night. The cashier smiled and asked “you’re not gonna hit someone’s house, are you?”
Naw…
Bullshit. Banks, yes, if they have them. They often don’t - BANKS often don’t have them. Retail stores do not have stores of 2-dollar bills. Period. Give a cashier a $2.00 bill, and 20% will think it’s fake, and the rest will say “Oooh, I haven’t seen one of THOSE in a while!”
Joe
Many years ago I stopped at a grocery store on the way to a date with an good friend and bought a box of condoms and a dozen roses. Hey, at least the cashier thought I was a sensitive guy!
The first time I ever bought condoms, the cashier looked at the box, noticed I had gotten the “ribbed for her pleasure” type, broke into a huuuuuge smile and bellowed “Awwww, honey, you so SWEEEEEEET!!!” I was mortified.
Just order some condoms, in the Magnum size, then give the cashier a sly smile, nod slowly, and say “yeaaaah.”
At a supermarket, get some fresh fruits and veggies, a box of Kashi, some tofu, wheat germ, whole grain oats, and a case of Twinkies.
I wouldn’t try anything like that. Sometimes convenience store clerks have guns and I could see that ending badly.
Once when I worked at a drug store, a young lady sidled up and blushingly laid down a box on the counter in front of my co-worker, who gleefully hollered, “CONDOMS! Whoa, these are the big economy size! Think I’m gonna have to call for a PRICE CHECK!”
The young lady nearly collapsed from embarrassment, but had to laugh, which was good since all the rest of us were cracking up.
Along that same line, I’ve bought some fruits and veggies, whole wheat buns, Gardenburgers and bacon before. My GOD Gardenburgers with bacon are to die for. Seriously. Try it sometime.
Isn’t that like making an ice cream float with Diet Coke? 
The most interesting juxtaposition of items I have actually purchased:
-A variety pack of condoms
-A “play” doctor kit, complte in plastic house call case
No reaction from the cashier.
I thought a cashier’s job was to ring up my purchases, not to make comments about them. If any cashier did that to me, I’d insist on speaking to the manager.
And I am so going to buy some fava beans, Chianti and a meat thermonator at the next census.
Try the Ralph’s at Vermont and Adams in L.A. I got five 2-dollar bills there instead of a ten. Yes, the cashier did have to call the manager, but all I had to do was wait a little as she helped other customers.
Not quite the same, but my wife did have to go to an all-night grocery store at about 4 am one time to buy me some Immodium.
You don’t want to know.
Ed
I got a big package of toilet paper at the local grocery store on Halloween once. I wondered if the clerk thought I was going to TP someone’s house.
I once asked an employee at a grocery store where the pasta sauce was, then immediately afterward asked where the bug spray was (I was a college student living in roach-infested off-campus housing). I realized just how that might sound just as I was asking for the bug spray. I expected a knock on the door from the cops any day after that one.
If you are old enough to remember Junk Food Junkie(site has many annoying popups) you deserve a beating for giving me an earworm.
I will not accept your beating. I will, however, remind you of Tim Conway doing an impression of Eule Gibbons.
“Many parts of the picnic table are edible.”
A bog box of rat poison, some chocolate cake mix, and a shovel.