I once bought athlete’s foot creme, cat food and tampons. While the cashier was ringing it up it occurred to me what a sad, sad combination that was.
Okay, a TEN is not a large bill. Getting five deuces is VERY unlikely, but not nigh-impossible. A large bill is a Hundred or maybe a Fifty. You won’t get twos in change from a Benjamin, unless you go to a bank, and possibly not even then.
Joe
I’ve never bought weird combinations (knowingly, anyway!) on purpose, but I remember one time when I was in college, I saw a lady walking down the aisle in the local supermarket, her arms absolutely *brimming *with packages of Massengill douche. She must have had 20 packages of the stuff.
I wish I’d had the nerve to ask, but I didn’t think it was any of my business. To this day, though, more than 20 years later, the spouse and I chuckle occasionally when we remember “Massengill lady.”
When buying one candy bar, I think it is.
I’ve done it–actually, I think one time I asked for and got $16 in 2-dollar bills.
I read something a few years ago about strip clubs that passed out $2 bills as change for drinks, intending to increase tips to strippers. In areas in which strip clubs have this policy, there might be more $2 bills around.
Probably a skunked dog. I’ve heard people quote douche as a recipe for removing the stank.
I used to deliver pizza for a great mom-and-pop place in college. After a long night shift and cleaning the kitchen, I would be artificially hyper from working past my tired time and loaded with cash.
So I drove to a 24 hour Wal-Mart and bought a pellet gun that was a very convincing replica of a .357 and a black ski mask. The cashier gave me a raised eyebrow and carded me (only because I think you need to be 16 to buy a pellet gun).
Unfortunately, most cashiers are dead inside - at least while they’re on the clock. A lot of these otherwise funny combination would totally fly under their radar.
I was a liquor store cashier for a while and there were two guys that usually came in to buy Wild Irish Rose. Around 4 or 5 pints of it each time.
If you don’t know, Wild Irish Rose is considered bum wine. It it’s dirt cheap and it tastes like Windex. The guys didn’t look like bums, but looked like stereotypical bouncers (e.i. large frame, tight shirt.) I never did ask them why they needed so much cheap liquor.
Only two other people ever bought Wild Irish Rose besides them and they were both bums. The other purchases were made by bars, but the bars bought other stuff. These guys only bought Wild Irish Rose.
I have a friend who makes soap. Once she was running low on supplies, and asked if I’d run to the store for her. Not a problem.
I got some very strange looks when I got up to the cashier with a can of Crisco and two large cucumbers.
See I laugh at myself even when I’m buying obvious things…a run to Walgreens for a jumbo box of tampons, a big bottle of Advil, and a pint of ice-cream.
“Gee…wonder what’s going on with Audrey today?”
I hear guys bitching about having to make this same run for their SO’s, and I never understood why.
Cuz a guy in line with those three items in his hands is OBVIOUSLY getting laid on a regular basis.
Or lives with his mother.
This is true. When I was a teenager I worked as a cashier in a drug store, and it was a good experience for me because it taught me not to be embarrassed to buy tampons, condoms, etc. because cashiers ring that stuff up hundreds of times and if they even notice what it is they’re scanning, they don’t care.
But I have to say I do remember the guy who came in just before closing one night and bought condoms and Tylenol. I figured his lady wouldn’t have any excuses that night!
Hmmmm…this would probably get a an eyebrow raise:
[ul]
[li]K-Y[/li][li]Duct tape[/li][li]A digital camera[/li][li]A shovel[/li][li]Candy[/li][li]A stuffed animal[/li][/ul]
I prefer the rat poison, cake mix, birthday card, and sympathy card combination.
I used to do a killer EG joke:
“Many parts of this pine tree are edible… take this squirrel for instance…” (make squireel noises, etc) 
On many occasion, I rang up alcohol and pornography. Nothing surprising there. But more than once, I automatically said “You have a nice night!” in my best phony cashier style. Got a few ‘fuck off’ looks as the guys would leave the store.
Years ago, a couple of buddies of mine and I were absolutely hammered drunk at about 2AM. We ran out of beer and decided to make a group walk down to the nearest grocery store. We were silly, adolescent, and blasted out of our minds.
We got into the only line available at that hour, right behind a stunningly beautiful young lady, dressed in an extremely sexy “little black dress”, and purchasing…bananas and a tube of KY jelly.
I tried to be mature. But the giggles came anyway, and before you know it, all three of us were red-faced with suppressed laughter and whispered jokes.
That poor, put-upon girl. Her face was on fire, and she stared straight ahead during the whole transaction. I hope she had a nice time that night. I still feel kinda bad about it.
Wait. Wasn’t that an old variety show spot from when Euell Gibbons was alive (and at least marginally relevant)?
I own a retail store. the majority of purchases are made with credit/debit cards. Very few of my customers pay in cash…except Two Dollar Bill Guy. He admits that he does it to screw with merchants because we don’t have a slot for them in our cash drawers.
One time in college some friends and I got a notion to make life masks using plaster. I went storming into the local A&P moments before closing with 2 male friends and we rushed to the checkout with the largest jar of Vaseline and 2 rolls of plastic wrap…
One time I was in a checkout line behind a man who seemed somewhat less than confident, buying a set of 3 How-To type sex tapes and a tremendous bottle of mouthwash. The clerk was very professional and waited until he was out of the store to even crack a smile.
My mom worked as a cashier in a grocery store, and I later worked in a convenience store. She got me started spotting the odd combinations and just finding opportunities to share a joke with the customers. Someone plunks a half gallon of anti-freeze on your counter…“Would you like a straw with that?”. Diapers and a jar of gravy? “Have you ever tried them with marinara sauce?” 3 whole watermelons…“Is that for here, or to go?” Most people aren’t really even aware of the cashier so it catched them just a little bit off guard.