Miserable inTexas (VERY LONG)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Hello all. Tonight I am having my very own pity party and thought I would invite everyone. Who knows, maybe some good advice will come out of it.

So first I guess I should tell my story. I am from an extremely small town in eastern Kentucky (we are talking major hick here). I went to school away from home, but only 2 hours. I lived in a small college town in KY for 4 years and then moved to West Virginia for yet more school. During my undergraduate years I happened to meet an totally awesome guy online. He started out as my spades partner and things very slowly went on from there… The problem was: he lived in Texas.
Last May I graduated from school and decided to make the big move down to Texas. I managed to find a job in Houston before I moved so I thought things were going to be okay…

Now almost a year later, I am completely miserable. I HATE the job I have. I have a higher degree than most of the people who work there and yet am treated like I’m clueless and stupid. The job is not in the field I have my degree in, but forensic science jobs are few are far between here right now. So problem #1 would be a job I hate so much it is an effort to climb out of the bed each morning. I’ve been actively working on finding something new, but its not going as well as I had hoped.

Now for problem #2. I have no friends. I have some people at work that I really like, but they are all of a different race and already have a very cohesive group that is really not open to people like myself. Other than work, I really don’t go anywhere. I am living with my now fiance and he’s pretty much the only person I have contact with outside of my carpool group and my co-workers. I’ve always made new friends in new places, but I guess it was easy because of the fact that I was in school. I have no idea where to meet them in the “real world”. I don’t do the bar scene and am currently not attending church. I hate being almost 20 hours from all of my friends and family.

Problem #3: I truly love my fiance. I can’t imagine anyone caring more about me than he does and I feel the same way about him. But, he’s not willing to move out of the state right now. I wouldn’t ask him to anyway because his mother is terminally ill with cancer and he needs to spend as much time with her as possible.

Thus, I feel stuck. I can try to find a job in my field in another state, but I will lose the love of my life and possibly still have no friends. Or, I can stay here and cry all the time because I hate it.
Ugh. So much for happily ever after.

Thanks for taking time to “listen” to my problems and my whining.

2

{{{{Kyann22}}}}

I’m sorry you feel so down! Hopefully, you can look for a forensics job there in Houston, while you keep the job you’re in. Texas is a big state and there are labs in most of the major cities. Just keep looking.

Good Luck!

3

Thanks DeVena. I’m sure it will get better eventually. I’m actually taking a vacation next week and going home to see my family (my first trip back since I moved). I think that will do wonders for me. My mom and I are very close and sometimes it is very difficult to be this far away. My fiance’s family is not what I would call a “close-nit” family, so I don’t really have a good TX family to fall back on. But, things always work out in the end. I need to learn to be patient.

4

You know, a year really isn’t a very long time at all. I moved to my new state in October of 2001, and I have given myself two full years to get used to it, and I really think that it will take that long, maybe even longer.

Hope you meet some nice friends soon. Take care.

5

I would suggest that friends and jobs are easier to find than a relationship like you describe with your fiancee. Try to find new places to look for both (friends & job). Maybe try a thread suggesting a Doper dinner in your area. If you have any neighbors who seem interesting you could try to strike up a conversation (I know this is difficult for many people, myself included). Work on a long-range plan with your fiancee that involves relocation to an area that might have better prospects for the both of you. Best of luck and give us an update sometime.

6

Friends are pretty easy to come by in Houston, and I should know because I have bunches here. :slight_smile:

Throw a shout out to all the Hou-Dopers of old and new and see about meeting up with a group of them. Since my return to the board I have been itching to go to a gathering… perhaps you can be the catalyst to that.

What is it you like to do? You said you weren’t a bar person, but thats not enough info. I’d be happy to give you suggestions about where to go. Houston is a big town, with lots of really cool nooks and crannies. You just have to know where to look you know.

Plus my email is down there. If you like use it, I am up all night anyway.

I wish you all the best,
Rob

7

This is just a shot in the dark here, but as far as your professional life, things might look up shortly. There’s quite a lot of turmoil, from what I understand (grand jury probe and all that), over the HPD’s forensics lab. (See, e.g., http://www.chron.com/cs/CDA/ssistory.mpl/metropolitan/1862595). There might be a lot of turnover there soon.

Furthermore, don’t feel bad about thinking life sucks now that you’ve moved to Houston. That’s natural – indeed, it’s Houston’s function to wither the soul. Soon, you’ll adapt to the increased patheticness in the ambient air and all will be peachy-keen. Until then, one quick and fun way to meet people about your age is to take a class of some sort. Perhaps something physical; I’ve heard that regular exercise tends to cheer people up. And to take out that work stress… hmmm… I prescribe kickboxing. Not aerobic kickboxing, but impact kickboxing. But once you’ve decided that you like Houston, no hunting me down and kicking me in the face, OK?

8

Hugs to you too Kyann22.
So is it that you don’t like your job, Texas, or how hard it is to meet people or a combination of all three?

I totally understand & it’s so easy to feel disconnected from your college friends who have scattered & you feel like you see your co-workers too much. (No doubt they feel the same way )
: )
Your job is harder to smooth out, but hopefully if you can buy yourself some time, you can find a happy out.

Hopefully, going back to Kentucky to refuel will help.

Sometimes it helps just to treat yourself well.
What do you like to do? Try to get in touch with the pleasures you find in life. Massages? Shopping? Listening to your favorite music? Cooking your favorite recipe?
In a job I hated, I would take a discman & headphones & just try to tune out & chill out during my work breaks. I would get out & take walks. Try to visit a new place everyday.
Exercise can help ease the stress & be less irritable (for me anyway.)
It can mellow you out and/or help you sleep more soundly.

Try to get out & go places, a sports bar during playoffs is always fun or church classes (My parents always say, Church, church, go to church.)
A lot of libraries have book clubs, which can play out like the equivalent of a girls’ night out.
Your community college offers continuing education classes you can take pretty cheaply
or craft stores offer classes like quilting, embroidery and stained-glass classes.

With the economy the way it is & cutbacks all around a lot of people find themselves in your situation. Or even when the economy’s not bad.

I did run into this The Simpsons quote the other day I thought about making my sig.
Homer said, "Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way. "

: ) Take care.

9

Hugs to you too Kyann22.
So is it that you don’t like your job, Texas, or how hard it is to meet people or a combination of all three?

I totally understand & it’s so easy to feel disconnected from your college friends who have scattered & you feel like you see your co-workers too much. (No doubt they feel the same way )
: )
Your job is harder to smooth out, but hopefully if you can buy yourself some time, you can find a happy out.

Hopefully, going back to Kentucky to refuel will help.

Sometimes it helps just to treat yourself well.
What do you like to do? Try to get in touch with the pleasures you find in life. Massages? Shopping? Listening to your favorite music? Cooking your favorite recipe?
In a job I hated, I would take a discman & headphones & just try to tune out & chill out during my work breaks. I would get out & take walks. Try to visit a new place everyday.
Exercise can help ease the stress & be less irritable (for me anyway.)
It can mellow you out and/or help you sleep more soundly.

Try to get out & go places, a sports bar during playoffs is always fun or church classes (My parents always say, Church, church, go to church.)
A lot of libraries have book clubs, which can play out like the equivalent of a girls’ night out.
Your community college offers continuing education classes you can take pretty cheaply
or craft stores offer classes like quilting, embroidery and stained-glass classes.

With the economy the way it is & cutbacks all around a lot of people find themselves in your situation. Or even when the economy’s not bad.

I did run into this The Simpsons quote the other day I thought about making my sig.
Homer said, "Lisa, if you don’t like your job you don’t strike. You just go in every day and do it really half-assed. That’s the American way. "

: ) Take care.

10

With a two year old registration date and 26 posts, I don’t know how active your participation in this board is. But I do know that there is a sizeable crowd of Houstonians on this board and they hold regular get-togethers. They’re all good people and fun to be around. So I’d second robgruver’s advice and tell you to start a thread for a Houston doper meeting.

11

Hey all. Thanks for all the wonderful advice and support. After I posted last night I sat down and did a lot of thinking and did come up with some ideas about how to better my situation. The first one is to learn to drive in this crazy city. I’ve been too dependent on my fiance for too long now. I am pretty clueless when it comes to directions and finding things, but I need to get out and at least try. We actually don’t live inside the city as we couldn’t really afford it, but that doesn’t mean I have to always stay in the outskirts where I’m comfortable.

Watcher,
I thought about the neighbor thing, but no one is ever outside. I was thinking about trying to organize some sort of event, but I wasn’t sure what to try. I know some apt complexes have activities for the tenants, but I guess ours does not.

robgruver,
What do I like to do or what can I afford to do? That has been the problem so far. I can always find some things that I think would be awesome to do, but they just don’t seem to fit in our budget. I would love to go to Alley Theatre, hit all of the museums, try some of the restaurants that I’ve never been too…it’s just a matter of money really. Are there some other places to watch plays that aren’t so expensive? Maybe some cute little diner that has great food at a reasonable price?
I really love to read and have searched for a book club, but I haven’t managed to find one anywhere. I guess I could use that as a possible thing to try at my apartment complex. We did get out to Traders Village a few weekends ago and I LOVED that.

Mr. Hand,
I totally agree with you. Exercise is in my new plan. 24 hr Fitness is coming to my workplace next week to sign people up and if the plans are at a somewhat reasonable price, I’m doing it. I’ve been wanting to for quite some time, so I figure nothing like the present to go for it.
As for HPD…I think that lab will actually end up closing down completely. But, that may open up something in a different place around here. I sure hope so. I hate mailing in those student loan payments every month knowing that as of yet, I’m not using what they paid for!

JungleLove,
I would say a combination of all three. The job is definitely the top hate though. I could start a long rant in the Pit about that one…and who knows, one day I probably will!
I don’t think it’s really of question of what I like to do sometimes either. I like shopping, but not by myself. I love going to the park, but not by myself. My fiance is a great sport and will go along if I want company, but I know he hates shopping so I don’t look as much as I want to. Plus, I have two days off that he’s working so I am pretty much left to my own devices on those days. I’m just not used to not having a close female friend to hang out with.
Several people at work bring discmans and I think I will join their ranks when I come back from vacation. Maybe my mom will get me one as an Easter gift. :o) We just got a new computer so I can make CDs of all my favorite songs and bring them along to block out everything.
I think a class would also work: maybe one to learn a musical instrument or a dance class.
And the Simpsons quote is awesome! And truthfully, I think I’ve been doing that anyway. I used to come in and work my butt off, but I quickly found out it wasn’t worth the effort. Now I do what I have to do and nothing extra.

Little Nemo,
I really love the boards, but right after I found them two years ago, my computer died. I didn’t have the money to replace it but I did manage to finally get enough saved up and am now the proud owner of a nice new shiny Dell. Hopefully I’ll be able to be a bit more active now that I can access from home. I try at work but always have to go because someone is watching what I’m doing.

12

Check out Goode’s BBQ on Richmond.

13

Sounds like it’s time for a HouDope. And I’d promised Ayesha one in May, so look for that thread, to be posted right after this one. BTW, rob, good to see you back.

Any big city can seem intimidating when you haven’t yet met your friends there. Give it time and do some things that lead to acquaintance. There’s Leisure Learning and the Houston Community College system. The last CC class I took was a class directly related to my profession, and it was a great networking experience (and directly influenced the course of my career). Are there any forensic science societies or interest groups you can become involved with?

Come into the city. I live in the Montrose, which is right next to the Museum District. There’s lots to see and do. If you really haven’t explored the city much try a couple of weekend driving tours. It’s worth a trip downtown on a Saturday or Sunday just to see what those wacky architects have wrought. Check out NASA, Moody Gardens, Seawolf Park, the San Jacinto battlefield, BB-35 (Battleship Texas), Galveston, ride the ferry to the Bolivar Penninsula (it’s free), come in to town and wander about Hermann Park (it’s free, too), and if you want to, visit the Houston Zoo or the Museum of Natural Science (these are not budget-busters - the Zoo’s $5 and HMNS is $6). And that area is adjacent to the Museum District.

And, once again give it time. Frankly Kyann, I can’t think of anybody I know who didn’t experience a period of drifting despondency sometime in their 20s. It gets better.

14

Hiya beatle :slight_smile:

Try looking up community theater. The only one I can think up off the top of my head is Theather Southwest. They are small, but usually pretty good quality. Tickets usually range in the $10-15 range.

If you like Mexican try any of the many, many Taqueria’s around town. Granted, some are hit and miss, but you can find some real diamonds out there. Taqueria Cancun and Taqueria Arandes are both really good. List of Taqueria’s.

For Italian, try Fred’s Italian Corner Resturant.

For Pizza, Star Pizza or Fuzzy’s Pizza. Both are excellent.

Houston has a large Asian population as well, so Chinese buffet and Sushi places run rampant. Wok-Bo is the best Chinese buffet in town, and only 8 bucks for dinner. Miayko is good sushi, but Kirian’s is much better.

For something strange, try The Melting Pot. Fondue never tasted so good. Plus The Melting Pot is great to go to with friends!

And lastly, if you want a good breakfast, try House of Pies on Shepard. Oh so good (and have some pie, their key lime is the best this side of the Mississippi).

Houston is a great town. I hope you like it here. :slight_smile:

15

sniff

I miss Houston. :frowning:

Robin

16

Have you been to the Golden Panda on SW Freeway? My personal favorite Chinese buffet in Houston.

17

Little Nemo: Haven’t tried that one, but my boss really likes it. I guess I am gonna have to give it a go.

Perhaps we should have a Doper dinner and invite Kyann22 and her fiance. Something good/cheap in the form of Chinese buffett! Its hard to pass that up.

18

Most of what I would have suggested has already been offered, but:

The Contemporary Arts Museum has no set charge; you drop whatever donation you can afford into a plexiglass box when you enter. The Rothko Chapel is free. The Menil Collection was free the last time I went there, and I haven’t heard of them changing. I don’t think the Art Car Museum charges, either, but I could be wrong about that. Even if they do charge, it’s worth seeing. I think the Orange Show is free, but it’s not open yet.

There’s a cute little taqueria called Tejas (it’s on robgruver’s list) out on the southwest side that makes the Best Salsa Ever. Plus, they’re cheap.

19

These links to Houston book clubs might pan out:

http://www.houstongreatbooks.org/membership/index.html

and

http://www.bookmarc.com/WTS-bookclub.html

You seem to know what you can change and what you can’t. That is half the battle. Although finding a job in forensics might be tough, have you tried a position with the State or with a hospital? Or you might consider changing jobs to another position even though it is not in the area of your degree.

And of course, there are always volunteers needed at such places as zoos, hospitals, humane shelters. I met bunches of friends as a volunteer. The zoo itself provided the training.

Classes at Unity Churches are usually open to non-members and may include everything from creative thinking to yoga, meditation, etc. There re lots of young professionals usually. And the churches are very open and not “preachy.”

And, as for those friends at work, try asking to treat one of them to lunch for her birthday. See how it goes! They may be waiting for you to let them know you are interested.

Bless your heart, sweetie. I know that it hurts. Think of the good times to come – but practice centering yourself in the moment. You have to dread only one day at a time! :wink:

20

I miss you too, Robin. You’re a fine friend.