"Mixed" marriage - which race is more disapproving?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I’m the typical American “white” ethic hash: Irish/German/ American-Indian/Jewish (Fox Indian tribe; but don’t know which one of the 10 tribes of Israel), and I’ve been married these many years to a woman of Korean/Polish parentage (“Ko-Po,” if we ever need to name a restaurant that would result from the cuisine).

My parents are entirely cool with us, as well as my brother’s marriage to a Mexican-American woman whose Pima great-grandmother had been raped & impregnated by a Black cavalryman. My in-laws, themselves in a mixed marriage, formed in a less-enlightened age at that, had no problem with us either. But, to some extent, not everyone we’ve encountered has felt the same way. Once we went to look at an apartment on open house, and when the (Asian) rental agents saw us, they discovered that they were out of application forms. Was that racism or were they honestly out of forms? Why not let us fill out the forms and then rip them up? We just never knew.
Then there was a redneck barbershop I went to where the old guys sat there saying stuff like “sure it was deer season, but there was them damn ducks, so I took my thirty-ought-six and shot that cock-sucker’s head clean off!” (This thread is on racism - homophobia will have to wait). During a discussion on the wholly white-boy topic of red meat, I mentioned in passing how the Koreans truly have a finely developed appreciation for same, and how I could vouch for this fact due to my wife’s heritage. That barbershop grew mighty quiet on that note. In fact, before that day, the only haircut I’d had that involved less conversation was when the US Navy shaved my skull in boot camp in six seconds flat. Nobody overtly questioned my right to marry whomever I wished, but again, I just never knew.

There’ve also been other slights & slams along the way. But I wonder if any of you guys in “Mixed” marriages out there are still taking crap here in the 21st C? I know it’s not scientific measurement, but did it come more heavily from the white or other side? And did it vary depending on the part of the country you lived in?

Your deep sea diving suit is ready, me brave lad.

2

Boy! It’s hard to say but to begin with, generally through most of the States, I’d say that White and Black marriages cause the most fuss on both sides of the fence. Here I’ve seem more white women with Black guys than Black women with White and from what I’ve heard and seen, Black women get real pissed off if they know of or see a Black guy dating a White woman. On the other hand, White men seem to get pissed off when they see the salt and pepper relationships also.

Down here in Florida, next on the ‘Dislike list’ seems to be Hispanics of Mexican origin. Mainly Hispanic guys though, who date White women. (It seems acceptable for a White guy to date a pretty Hispanic woman.) There seems to be no problem with Asian, or Indian (American) mixes and there is some problem with Cuban mixes but half of Cuba lives in Miami so that problem is low due to population frequency.

I have observed that in the American West, mixed marriages or dating between White and American Indian is considered worse than between White and Black.

In some areas of the North Eastern US, not only are mixed race couples a problem, or looked down upon, but mixed religions also. A Catholic can be kicked out of his or her church for wedding someone who does not convert to Catholicism. People of the Jewish faith frown heavily on of their own wedding a Methodist.

Me, I’m of the opinion that mixed marriages are necessary, because if they keep it up, within a couple of thousand years, there will be no PURE blood of any race, which ought to solve a lot of racial disputes.

3

Do you have a cite for this, Sentinel?

4

Sentinel doesn’t need a cite, ruadh, 'cause it’s just wrong.

You can probably find an individual pastor that will give a couple a hard time, (although that should be pretty rare), but the only requirement these days is that the non-Catholic member has to agree to be “open” to raising the kids Catholic–they don’t even have to formally agree to doing that any more. (I suppose that a priest might give a couple a hard time if one of them were an outspoken Satanist.)

Tom~

5

I am not quite married…but I feel I can speak on this. I am white, my GF of 4 years is black. We really don’t have many problems, she seems to get some heat from some black men (“Sellout” is the main one she gets). I have also found that most of the rude comments we have received have been up north, strangely enough (We live in Atlanta). Trips to Pittsburgh, Chicago, and NYC (combined total of 3 weeks) have resulted in more rude comments than 3 years of Atlanta has given us.

6

This being the united States, a white-black marriage is still going to attract attention. As far as the other minorities go (and Mrs. Kunilou and I can speak to this with some experience) it’s many times a “class” thing – the partner perceived as coming from the lower class is the one who gets the most grief.

7

Although I have never married anyone, I’ve dated men of many skin tones and ethnic origins. People are rarely outright rude to me about it, except for my mother, which is another thread altogether, but I have gotten some questioning looks.

When I was in college, my main squeeze was hispanic, and his best friends were iranian and black, and one or the other would sometimes tag along on dates if they were hard up for the evening. The best fun I had in rural western Alabama was being a very light skinned redhead walking into a theater with a hispanic fella on one arm and a black fella on the other.

Most recently, I’ve dated a Mexican, an Indian (from India), and a German, all with about equal success (none).

I do have some black friends who’ve told me that if one of their kids (either boys or girls) came home with a white girlfriend or boyfriend one day, that they would get a very firm talking-to and be encouraged to date from amongst their own ethnic group. I didn’t really understand it myself, but I’m younger than they, and they probably remember things (like the civil rights movement) that I didn’t experience and really can’t even comprehend.

8

While you’re discussing it, does it depend on which race is the man and which is the woman? For example, do the black women and white men who don’t like black men dating white women get as upset with black women dating white men (If you can follow that).

It is too clear, and so it is hard to see.

9

I think it’s a social and cultural thing more than a racial thing. Somehow I get the idea that many older men and women, especially in the South and Southwest, would have a real problem with a white person dating an American black person, but might not mind so much if it were an upper-class British black person. The latter, being British, might somehow be immune from the social strictures to which both American whites and blacks are subject.

Of course, there are people who just dislike people with a different skin color, no matter where they come from. What I find more interesting are the people who really wouldn’t appear to be racist, but hold some surprising views on what’s appropriate and what’s not in areas like interracial dating.

DHR

Why must I feel like that
Why must I chase the cat?
Nothin’ but the dog in me.
–George Clinton

10

This probably is not going to win me any friends here, but, for me, it’s a fact of life. I have major problems with Black guys and Mexican men. I don’t like them. It gripes my ass to find them being with a woman of any other color but their own – though, conversely, it doesn’t bother me to see their women dating white men or men of any other color.

I used to be a dancer, ages ago, in a topless bar and the biggest pain in the asses were the Black and Mexican men. They just HAD to grab the White girls in the wrong places and Mexicans were cheap bastards. Then they’d get all pissed off when the bouncer had to tell them to knock it off and think it was real funny when we slapped their hands out of the way and cussed them out for grabbing where and when they weren’t supposed to.

The damn Mex had to sit right around the dressing room door so they could grope any girl who passed by and in the dim lights all we’d see were tablefulls of shit eating grins full of teeth! Toss the fuckers out and more than likely a fight would start.

The Black guys just had to grab every white dancer they could get their hands on and try to kiss or hug them and ALWAYS wanted a ‘date’ in their car. They’d shove money at us like they were rich or something but the buggers looked crazy and most of them had this damn bald head thing which, I hate! They’d ignore the Black girls dancing, ignore the Hispanic girls and go after us White and Asians.

I didn’t like the way they talked, the way they swaggered, the way they smelled or even looked most of the time and it never failed that there would be some 400 pound ball of Black fat who considered himself a stud – though he’d probably not been able to see his prick in years – who just had to make a pain in the ass of himself trying to get a date.

The bar tender and bouncer hated it when Blacks or Mex would show up in large numbers because there always would be a fight and I never met one of the bastards who didn’t carry a gun, knife or straight razor. One time it got to the point that we encouraged off duty cops to come in for free beers and when shit started, they’d handle it.

One Black guy put his fingers up my cooze and I kicked him in the teeth and HE got pissed! You don’t do that to dancers! Then when the bouncers jerked him out of the place, he made a big show of grinning, smelling and licking his fingers like some asshole. (I went in the back room and flushed myself out!)

I’ll take a room full of drunken red necks over Mex and blacks any day! Even skinheads haven’t caused as much trouble as those two types of men. I’ve had Mex and Black guys hang around after closing and bug us as we went to our cars, and several times they got pissed when we said no and attacked us. (That’s when I started carrying a purse gun.)

I know it’s not politically correct and I know I’m supposed to be more open and understanding concerning minorities, that I’m supposed to treat all equally, but, hell they DON’T ACT equally. Many of the Black guys started yelling discrimination when they were tossed out, two brought suits against the bar, which they lost. At least white guys would either take being tossed out quietly or just get rowdy without screaming discrimination. None of them brought lawsuits against the bar.

The Mex sometimes would gang up on the bouncer if he had to toss one out and someone would ALWAYS snap out a knife if they started loosing. It got to the point that the bouncer, bartender and a couple of regulars would pitch them out. Man! Pain in the asses!

Then, if a girl don’t want to date a black, he starts accusing her of being a bigot and gets all huffy about it. At least the Mex didn’t do that. Most of the black men just had to brag about how BIG they were down there, like any of us gave a shit.

OOOOH! SNAP! This subject just fries my ass and twists my titties!

I’ve dated White, Asian, Indian, Hispanic (NOT MEX), men without problems, but NO Black or MEX.

Sorry if this insults your sensitivities.

I gave up dancing because of them. I got tired of the hassle.

11

Let’s hear it for America On Line.

Exits, pursued by a bear

12

Well where I live mixed race couples really never have any problems (i’m sure though there are people who disapprove, but my parents havent had any sideways glances, or disapproving stares). Even my moms side of the family though being a fairly homogenouns German and Dutch mix really had no problems (at least they never said anything to her). When we went to our family reunion in '87 the family never treated me or my brothers differently from anyone else. My moms uncle says we even have some black relatives (mixed marriage also).

On my dad’s side only my grandmother had problems. But that was a personal thing with her. My dads aunts and uncles love my mom, and like her more than they do their own sister (grandma). Grandma has simmered down a bit, but she still doesn’t like my mother ar much as she could be.

I think the reason my parents have not experienced any mistreatment is because the area I live in is so mixed. Many of the families here are former military families that settled down. Many of them are mixed ethnicities (mostly Korean/Black, Korean/European). So it’s not really seen as a big thing here. There are also large numbers of different ethnicities, so my hometown isn’t “ruled” by one ethnic group or another.

As for nightgirl: What do you expect in the type of career you were in? Stripping isn’t known for its polite, caring, loving clientele. You were in a business that tends to attract some slimy people. Perhaps if you had a different job, you wouldn’t be showing your prejudices here. M’kay?

It’s worth the risk of burning, to have a second chance…

13

my 02/100 cents,

When I was in HS my two best friends dated each other, a black female cheerleader and a white male football player . . . they got the worst flack from black men, not from white women . . . but thats just my experience

14

Well, at least you formed all your opinions from rational thought. I was afraid you might have just pigeonholed and insulted different nationalities and races from your limited experience with the small percentage of each group who frequent titty bars.

It doesn’t. It insults my logic.

15

yep, i’m mouthbreather’s GF and i have two comments:

1)huh…huh…strippers are dumb…huh…huhuh…

2)the only problem i have with mixed couples is something that i see quite frequently in the south…namely good looking black men with FUGLY white women. anybody remember that scene in the movie “Don’t Be a Menace…” ?

16

how about this one…
my family is white and i married a blonde haired blue eyed man.

my grandmother had a problem because my husband is half Irish.(not to mention Catholic)
but his parents weren’t exactly thrilled to discover i’m of English decent and protestant

my grandmother got over it. but his parents never did we have been married 10 years now, and they still won’t speak to us.

I’m pink therefore I’m Spam

17

Lets look at this like this:

All birds are birds
but Toucans and Grey Parrots dont mate

All cats are cats
but leopards and house cats dont do it

All monkeys are monkeys
Gorillas and lemurs dont do it

All fish are fish
but Sharks dont do it with Bass

The point, we are all different for a reason, by the choosing of our creator. Thus it makes mating easier for the reason that you have a “hint” on who to mix with. The expression of difference and variety is great. By “homogenizing” or “mixing” it all, will we all one day be gray? All gray is not a better option then colorful.

Granted that many inter-racial couples are truly loving and shouldnt be kept apart, there is a socially viewed problem going on.

The following examples will come from personal experience: My black friends have always been told to find black women, even to be the same “shade” as them selves by their mothers. I’ve often heard this one, “we are african-american, shes just black” or “Shes too dark even for a black boy”. Many “white” parents do this to, as did my own. Its not a racial thing, its a cultural and “learned” trait. We all seek to have children that are accepted by us, our parents, and society. To go further and say we seek a mate who is “ilke us” isnt a stretch.

My Black friends often attempted to date within their race but failed. They saw a white partner as a goal to be reached. They then seemed more mainstream and accepted to themselves. They entered the social circles of the white world to which they had only been a visitor to that point. They said " if I wanted a ghetto woman and a bottle of OE (old english; cheap beer) on a friday night, i would have taken mamas advice". Instead they feel as though they are part of acceptable society now. I never begrudged them as they were friends. I always believed though that they should have looked harder for quality in their own race. As there are just as many women that are white or mexican that would be drinking “OE” on a Friday night.

Its a social status thing sometimes, sometimes rebellion, and often love. Regardless its not our place to decide its correctness as individuals, but maybe as a society. Even then maybe not. I think that if we can we should keep it “umixed” but sometimes love crosses lines, tracks, classes, everything.

18

NightGrl is this week’s winner of the Alphagene “Oh PUH-leeze” Award. Thanks for your fair and objective analysis of racial behavior. What are you, Margaret Mead in a thong?

These are guys in a strip club. Regardless of ethnic origin, you’re not going to get the cream of the crop here.

Hmmmm. Sounds like Whitey wasn’t exactly behaving himself either.

The only white guy I know who’d claim discrimination after being thrown out of a tittie-bar is Captain Ed.

Well, maybe they’re not causing much trouble to a white girl shaking her ass for dollar bills. But I think you’ll find that this particular demographic has caused quite a bit of trouble for scoiety outside the Eager Beaver.

So true. You almost never see black guys attracted to black women. I mean when’s the last time you saw a black guy actually date a black woman?

This ain’t the Pit, so I’m really going easy on you. Just think about this: Tittie-bars aren’t exactly a microchosm of society as a whole.

We gladly devour those who would subdue us.

19

I am in a mixed marriage and am extremely fortunate to have full support from both families. At our wedding, our families were amazing. Everyone made a sincere effort to get to know the members of the other family. This took some time and patience, considering the language barrier, but everyone ended up having a blast.
My husband is American and I am Mexican (that’s right! Keep a look out for my lewd behavior). I absolutely cannot understand the people that believe interracial marriages “contaminate” the races involved. That is just so damn ignorant! Not only does diversity strengthen a gene pool, but the culture and spirit of a household multiplies when traditions and values from two different families (“mixed” or not) come together. Anyways, I’ll get off my sappy soap box now.

20

I think a little mixing in the gene pool keeps it from getting stagnant.

Humour Warning!!!
Here’s a funny and somewhat related something - I read in an anthropological journal somewhere about a study that determined 87.5% of strip joint patrons and employees (referred to for the rest of the article by the generic term “rabble”) have at least one instance of inbreeding (2nd cousins or closer) within 3 generations. That being said, it was then pointed out that most “rabble” also have nearly immediate access to tequila and easily concealed weapons. I don’t believe any follow-up study or interviewing was done, as no further volunteer research assistants could be found.
(Most, but apparently not all, of our beloved fellow posters who were once in the strip business would fall into the non-inbred 12.5%. Well, all the beloved ones do, anyway.)
Humour done, flame away!