No one ever expects the Spanish Carnivorousplant! His three chief weapons are wit, mad typing skills, a fanatical devotion to Cecil, and wisdom. Four. That’s four. Sorry, I’ll go out and come back again…
Good luck bumping off the knocker cars!
Dear CP
If a chicken and a half can lay an egg and a half in a day and a half, what is the train conductor’s name?
Listen, Pal, there are three kinds of people in this world, those who can count, and those who can’t!
Dear CP
To blurf or to N.O.T, what is my question?
Dear Sario,
Thus conscience does make cowards of us all.
Howdy Y’all! Bet y’all thought I’d forgotten to post or won the lottery, or was lyin’ in a ditch unconscioius, or sump’n else. 
I am not at the orifice because this is a Jawja state holiday (Confederate Memorial Day :rolleyes: to be exact). Thus I am irkin’ from home and doin’ other stuff as well. I’ve been to the sto’ and have a poke roast cookin’ away in the slow cooker for dindin. I also have a a pot roast for another dindin this week cookin’ away and a chikin slow cookin’ which shall get turned into chikin sallit cause I got a gnawin’ and a’ cravin’.
'Tis only 61 Amurrkin as I post with a predicted high of <snerk> 69! <snerk>
Dear CP,
Boxers or Briefs?
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Do you do windows? How about widows?
Do we need a bigger box? More stamps?
How many Sri Lankan spiders can dance on the head of a pin?
Signed,
Annoyin’ question asker
Back from erranding. I had a check for a whopping $18.24 at the store - I sold 4 SofTrivets - so yay! I deposited that and another check in the credit union, then ran to Food Lion for some dog food and miscellaneous sundries - only $33 worth, so that was good. Plus I picked up a nice steak for supper tonight.
I was supposed to take my car in for service today, but I forgot. I called Paul and I’m taking it in tomorrow. If it was just an oil change, I’d take it and wait, but I’m pretty sure my brakes need work and I don’t want to sit and wait for that. It can wait till tomorrow.
A weak bit of sun peeks out once in a while - the temp has reached 50°. If I feel motivated enough, I’ll go out after lunch and stick a few more pots of stuff in the ground. Thank goodness we potted everything with dirt so I don’t have to rush the planting.
You can’t find a pig pickin’? I thought you still had contacts in East Carolina.
Facebook is making me feel bad again. I went into it on another thread, so I won’t dump all over the MMP. Suffice it to say, I’m apparently not a member of my own family anymore. I don’t know whether to cry or rail at the universe. I think I’ll work this out by organizing some files for an hour or so.
One may hope.
Dear Annoying,
Depends upon whether one is at a prize fight or in court.
I never trust those little bastards are the Puxotany Phil Fiasco.
Yes, and yes.
Their name is Legion.
Regards,
-CP
No blurf atm, which surprises me. They put a ton of mayo sauce in my sourdough jack this morning, which made it delicious and annoyingly drippy at the same time.
The pitch drophas not yet dropped. It’s odd that I find checking on that thing comforting. Oh, and I seem to have become addicted to the Fringe archive on Netflix.
So, CP, can you tell me why I never went into the back yard this weekend and pulled any foxtails at all? They’ve been on my list for at least two weeks and if I don’t get them gone soon, they’ll reseed for another season.
Dear Yllaria,
This is an advice column, not a Psychiatrist couch.
Regards,
-CP
I’ve had a stroke of good luck. A friend is downsizing from a two-bedroom apartment and house to a one-bedroom apartment. I’ve been invited to take any/all of her leftovers so long as I get them moved before the painters arrive. So, for the price of three hours of moving from a local company, I get:
- a 1920’s antique wooden bed framed with carved head and foot boards
- a new-to-me full size mattress
- a leather sleeper sofa with moderate cat scratches (about to become immoderate)
- two medium size cat trees
- a vacuum cleaner
- a full size HP laptop
- two barstools
- a crock pot
- two end tables
I’m pretty excited about this. For one, I can actually afford to hire a mover, so I don’t have to beg brother and friend for help. For another, it means I can genuinely offer a guest shelter without making them sleep on the floor. Finally, a new(er) mattress would be divine, as the one I’m currently sleeping on is 15 years old. Plus, the bed is gorgeous.
Got a quarter in change this morning. Because of a recent coin thread, I checked it out. It had something about Maryland on the back. But that’s not the odd thing. The odd thing was that George Washington looked younger than I remember.
Sounds like a great haul, Kanga! Yay for you!
Still too nasty looking outside, so I’m going to assemble our new deck furniture. If you hear naughty words emanating from southern Merrylande, don’t be alarmed… 
Dear CP,
How many trees do I need to plant for a dinner party?
Dear CP,
If train A leaves Chicago traveling 100MPH and train B leaves New York traveling 150MPH and the distance between the two cites is 600 miles what will the temperature be in Carson City, NV a week from Tues @ 12:00?
I nearly skipped work because I woke up thinking it was Sunday. I was going to get shit done! And now I’m at work. Bummer.
Looks like DH is still a couple quarts low, so he goes in for what we hope is the last oil change on Wednesday.
I’m up and fed.
Dealing with a cranky computer.
FCM you should get checked out.
Congrats to Roo I’m jealous.
I need a new mattress so badly but I don’t see much sense in buying one now.
I had to help the Sah-kid with his homework last night, he had to do a family tree showing what diseases run in the family.
Of course almost everything on his fathers side was blank, I know their names and that high cholesterol runs on that side and that’s about it.
It’s a shame, I wish they would spend more time with him but it is what it is.
They are strange people anyway.
One day I will tell the story of the wedding fiasco.
3.14159 per square yard, divided by the number of guests, mutliplied by 1.14287.
I called Punxsutawney Phil, but all I heard was gunfire in the background.
Has anyone seen Rosie in the past few minutes?
Good thing this isn’t a life-or-death emergency. I got an appointment for next Weds…