Mom, seriously, I do NOT need a husband

The BBQ Pit
1

Is this a generational thing? My mother was married at 21. I am, right now, 24. I am single. This seems to cause her concern.

She worries I won’t have someone to take care of me. I think I take care of myself. I consider myself successful for someone who just got out of school. Such as:

I have a good job. Yes, yes, I bitch about my boss, but it goes with the position. On a honest day, I know I make good money, have fantastic benefits, the company is growing and there’s room for me to grow with it.

I have a house. It’s rented, yes, but it’s nice. It’s clean and well furnished. Really. I even scrub the shower. I have my own washing machine! I put up Christmas lights (okay, my roommate did that. But only because she’s taller. I did the tree). Our bills are always paid. My car insurance was well researched and is always promptly paid. Speaking of the car, when my original one was totaled, I researched and selected a new one, and purchased it without having to call either parent. I moved across the country, for the love of God, and I have yet to come snivelling home.

She worries about me being alone, but I have great friends. Someone is always there to drive me to the doctor when I’m sick or feed me tissues on a bad day. I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my whole life, but somehow every single time I talk to her, we end up talking about men and therefor marriage.

I talked to her today, and I mentioned the guy I like. The FIRST thing out of her mouth is “Will he be able to take care of you?” ARRRRGGGGHHHH. Am I the only woman who doesn’t start flirting with ‘hey, lemme see your paystub?’ Look, I know he’s not a bum. He has his own place, and wrestles the check away from me at lunch now and again. This is enough for me.

What’s worse is, my mother isn’t a housewife. She’s a freaking life-long proffesional. She worked when I was growing up, just like her mother before her. (Untill illness stopped her, Grandmom was a tax accountant. Being a working mom in the 50’s was probably no small feat, socially). She taught me my whole life that I should always be able to provide for myself financially, no matter what situation I was in. I think that’s good advice. So what the hell is going on now? GRRRRR.

(I’m sorry, I know it’s the pit and I curse with the best of them, but. . .jeez, it’s about my mom)

Also, unrelated to this and underserving of it’s own thread, I stuffed, sealed, addressed and stamped 426 Christmas Cards. I hate the post office (why to you even MAKE non-self-stick stamps?), the inventors of this god forsaken holiday, and each and every one of my bosses client/associates/contacts/etc. Bah humbug. If I had a husband I’d just have to lick his cards, too.

2

If you’re going to marry a man, make sure he licks his own envelopes. Also, if he licks the cards, or makes you lick them, make sure you’re into that first.

Seriously, though, I liked your rant.

3

So, you’re a secretary? Just curious.

4

That brought a smile to my face.

Are you sure your mom is all that concerned about the financial need for finding a mate? Maybe the question of “Will he be able to take care of you?” is more a question about whether he’ll provide emotional support. I dunno, I’m just grasping, as it seems odd that a woman who taught you to be so financially independent would worry about that part of your life now. Perhaps she sees getting married as the next logical “step” in your life.

I guess I am lucky–the only question my mother ever asks about the men I date is “Is he nice?”

5

Interestingly, my situation is much like yours. The difference being that I am male. My mother has made it her life goal to find me a wife. Sorry mom, but no time. 2 jobs and school leaves little time for anything. Its getting quite annoying now. To the point that I avoid my mother as much as possible.

6

Gosh, when I got married at age 24, my Mom fretted that I was getting married too early. Too bad I didn’t take her advice, actually.

7

Okay, who else is picturing Obsidian’s mom and Burrido’s mom furiously phoning each other to schedule a fix up?
:smiley:

Just kidding guys. I can sympathize

FB

8

I had the same problem a couple years ago, when I was about 24-25ish. I was seeing this nice girl, and my folks were all, ‘hey, that’s great, time to get married! She’s really nice, and sounds like she’s got an impressive inheritance! Oh, and we need granchildren!’

And I was like, holy shit, guys, you’re 45 and 47, what’s the rush on the grandkids?

It’s worn off a lot since then, tho - probably your mom’ll lay off eventually too.

Christmas cards blow. I’ve decided not to do any this year.

9

Oh Obsidian, you just need a good man around the house to take the stress off.

Ducking.

10

I’m 42 and single and my Dad never did stop worrying about it right up until his death. I saw him lucid last on Thanksgiving and he asked me “what kind of life do you lead? How do you manage without a woman?” He never understood that my life would be greatly enhanced with a woman to love - but is complete by itself.

11

Tell her you’re a lesbian. Seriously.

:stuck_out_tongue:

12

I saw a girl on a Dr. Phil show that was 24 and absolutely SURE she was NEVER, EVER getting married and would never find a man to settle down with (which she desparately wanted to do). It turns out she was just about having a breakdown from all the people joking about how she was turning into an “old maid” and bugging her relentlessly about it. I don’t know why anyone (that includes parents) thinks it’s their business. Personally, I’d rather know my daughter was self sufficiant then spending her life pining for a man to take care of her.

13

Most. Annoying. Thing. EVAR. Bar none.

Even the birds and the bees speech is less annoying/frustrating for a child to sit through with a parent than the “When you gonna find yourself a nice <fill in the gender> and settle down?” My heart goes out to you. My only recommendation is make it VERY clear in strong language to your mother that 1) You find those niggling little questions really annoying and 2) She may be family but its still none of her business at all. When and who you settle down with is an affair between you and perhaps whoever you end up dating. Everyone else can look but not consult unless asked to.

14

I’m 23, and it’s already worn off a bit for me. When I was 19-20, I heard the “when are you getting a boyfriend/husband” talk all the time from my mother and my sister. They’ve already quit asking me about it , although then my aunt started asking about when I’m going to get a boyfriend/husband, but she’s already starting to lay off also.

I know they’re giving up hope, but that’s great with me!

15

Matter of viewpoint, I suppose.

My grandmother was very worried that I might be gay until I got married. I was 28.

Ten years ago, Mom died. Dad remarried a year later.

A couple years back, we lost my mother-in-law to a tragic illness. My father-in-law never remarried. He’s over it, but he hasn’t really met anyone yet who tempts him back into married life, you know?

So my father and I are on the horn, and he asks how F-I-L is doing, and I say fine, and Dad asks if he’s seeing anyone.

“No,” I said. “Doin’ okay by himself.”

“Well, sometimes it takes time,” Dad remarked. “He’ll come around.”

E-yeah. Well, Dad, some of us do better than others in that department, I guess…

16

My daughter is 26, and not really dating or seeing anyone seriously. My husband worries about this a LOT. I, however, have always felt that she’s just not had TIME to do a lot of socializing. She just graduated on the 14th (cum laude, go her!) and she’s been going to school full time and working part time (25-35 hours a week, depending on her school schedule and her shop’s needs) for about 10 years now. She’s been going out with a mixed group of friends for some years, but no one guy in particular. I keep telling him that she’ll find someone in her own time. Anyway, it’s vastly preferable to be this way than to have had four pregnancies at her age, with two live births, like her same age cousin has.

Yeah, I’d like to see her have someone to love and care for, and who will reciprocate. I don’t care if this someone is male or female, though I strongly suspect that she’ll end up with a guy. But I’d rather see her wait for the right person, rather than have her settle for someone who is not really wrong, but not really right either.

17

Ha! This subject is dear to my heart. As an Indian female in her mid-20s I am rapidly approaching my marriageability expiration date so my parents are going the whole hogger to try to get me shalu-hennaed off to some poor dude. I don’t know if it’s really that they’re that traditional (I have a stay-at-home fiery feminist father) or they really resent the fact that I call them all the time because I’m lonely and bored in the middle of Illinois. At least your parents are just generally trying to pawn you off. My parents enjoy the guilt-tripping subtly insulting “if you’re too fussy, you’ll be alone your whole life” method of trying to scare me into going out with these guys that try to figure out whether I’m still a virgin. They set me up on my last longterm relationship and I knew that I should have gotten out of it before it exploded in a really bad way but every time I would attempt to do so my parents would give me the old guilt-trip and I would start questioning whether I was worth someone who would actually give head, for instance. Now I just steel myself against it. Eh, my parents are old and not going to be around forever, I just tune out whatever stupid stuff they say and enjoy their good points. But I totally feel you!!

18

I’m so sorry! This was supposed to go under the rant about the parents trying to get the writer married off. I have no idea how it ended up as a post other than the fact that I’ve been up for 36 hours writing law exams and must have pushed the wrong button. If a moderator feels like closing this thread, please feel free to do so as I did not mean for it to be a new thread.

Again, my apologies.

Really hoping someone won’t call me a newbie asshat,

Anu

19

I am, in fact, a secretary. Office Bitch is probably a better word. But we’re a small office, and the company is rapidly expanding. I do a lot of wierd things, especially in the marketing & tech areas. Soon I will be getting an assistant of my own to pawn the crap off onto.

My mom may be concerned about my emotional needs, but I’ve really got those covered (better, even, than the financials). I’ve never really felt a man should be my sole source of emotional support anyway. I think that’s awful for a marriage. I life having lots of people in my life I can count on.

Besides, I feel so young. I’m not ready to commit my whole life to someone anytime soon. I need to figure myself out first.

My mother would not care a smidge if I were gay. She’d just demand to know when I was going to find a nice girl to take care of me.

And this is the second time this board has gone yente on me. :slight_smile:

20

anu-la1979, I merged your accidental new thread back into this one.

Lynn