‘Ello, ‘ello, ‘ello, what’s all this, then?
Sorry, loves, sorry, the show is too long this week and this scene’s been cut.
Yes, well, let’s see now … there’s the rear window. There’s the man looking out of the window. He sees the murder. The murderer’s come into the room to kill him, but he’s outwitted him and he’s all right. The End. I mean, Alfred Hitchcock, who’s supposed to be so bloody wonderful, padded that out to one and a half hours … lost all the tension … just because he had bloody Grace Kelly he made £3 million more than I did. Mind you, at least she can act a bit, I could have done with her in ‘Finian’s Rainbow’ … The man from the off-licence was terrible … a real failure that was - ten seconds of solid boredom.
How many (camels) have you spotted?
Nearly…nearly one.
Then there’s Stanley … he’s our eldest … he’s a biochemist in Sutton. He’s married to Shirley…
“Moping,” hmm, must remember that one.
Don’t come here with that posh talk you nasty, stuck-up twit.
No one ever expects the Spanish Inquisition!
[caption] ‘THERE NOW FOLLOWS AN APPEAL ON BEHALF OF EXTREMELY RICH PEOPLE WHO HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG WITH THEM’
I have a hat.
You’re a loony.
I was here on Saturday, getting married to a blonde girl, and I’d like to change please. I’d like to have this one instead please.
Splunge!
Good evening. We interrupt this program again, a, to irritate you and, b, to provide work for one of our announcers.
I chop down trees, I wear high heels, Suspenders and a bra.
Now let me fill you in. I’m leading this expedition and we’re going to climb both peaks of Mount Kilimanjaro.
Kilimanjaro is a pretty tricky climb, you know. Most of it’s up until you reach the very very top, and then it tends to slope away rather sharply.
Oh yes Kipling Road was a typical East End Street, people were in and out of each other’s houses with each other’s property all day. They were a cheery lot. Cheerful and violent. Doug was keen on boxing, but when he learned to walk he took up putting the boot in the groin. He was very interested in that. His mother had a terrible job getting him to come in for tea. Putting his little boot in he’d be, bless him. All the kids were like that then, they didn’t have their heads stuffed with all this Cartesian dualism
And for those of you who prefer drama - there’s sport.
I like traffic lights,
But only when they’re green.