Well Bruce, I heard the Prime Minister use it. “It’s hot enough to boil a monkey’s bum in here, your Majesty,” he said and she smiled quietly to herself.
Have you been talking to television again, dear?
And now over to me. Exclusively on the programme today we have the Foreign Secretary, who has just returned from the bitter fighting in the Gulf of Amman. He’s going to tell us about canoeing.
All right, I confess I did it. I killed him for his reservation, but you won’t take me alive! I’m going to throw myself under the 10.12 from Reading.
What a plucky fighter this Champ is. He’s fighting as well as I’ve ever seen him. Must be losing blood at a rate of a pint a second now. It’s everywhere. Certainly those who paid one and a half million dollars for those ringside seats are really getting their money’s worth. They’re covered in it. And his head’s off!
What is your name, Jew?
I’m sorry - Raymond Luxury Yach-t.
Arthur “Two Sheds” Jackson.
Can I just say that this is the first time I’ve been on television?
And now for something completely different.
I’d like to apologize too to the prosecuting counsel for dragging him in here morning after morning in such lovely weather.
Well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, well, how very nice.
I’ve fallen off my chair Brian!
Hello, I’m your new vicar. Can I interest you in any encyclopaedias?
Listen, I can prove to you I’m a policeman. I can give the names of all the men down in F Division at Acton: Inspector Arthur Perry, Superintendent Charles Frodwell, my best friend, police dogs, Batch, Wolf, Panther, Maudling. How would I know those names if I was Sir Philip Sidney?
No, thank you. We’re not very religious.
Oh, now this is where Mr Podgorny could have saved his wife’s life. If he’d gone to the police and told them that he’d been approached by unearthly beings from the Galaxy of Andromeda, we’d have sent a man round to investigate.
This may be even more serious than even I had at first been imagining. What a strange… strange line. There’s no time to waste. Get me the Chief Commissioner of Police.
You don’t frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person! I blow my nose at you, so-called ‘Arthur King,’ you and all your silly English Knights.
I’ll remember you. Don’t you worry. I’ll remember you!