And so you see the idiot does provide a vital psycho-social service for this community. Oh, excuse me, a coach party has just arrived. I shall have to fall off the wall, I’m afraid.
Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?
Now then, you’ve got the girl on the bed. You’ve been having a bit of a feel up during the evening. You’ve got your tongue down her throat. She’s got both her legs up on the mantelpiece…
You’ll never get away with this, you porn merchant. Blimey!
Oh I’m awfully sorry, my suit seems to keep catching fire.
Sit on my face, and tell me that you love me
I bet they won’t play this song on the radio
Myself and Sergeant Maddox are on a raid. We are not Tudor people. We are the police.
The one without the gannet? They’ve all got the gannet! It’s a Standard British Bird, the gannet, it’s in all the books!
You lucky bastards! You lucky, jammy bastards!
Oh, shut up or we’ll close the bar.
Well, what are you doing creeping around a cow shed at two o’clock in the morning? That doesn’t sound very wise to me.
And now for something completely different. A man with three noses.
Yes, we are all different!
There’s a multitude out there!
I want to be a woman. From now on, I want you all to call me ‘Loretta’.
Well, I think cement is more interesting than people think.
All right Eversley, get up out of that trench.
Right, now, Mrs. Scum, you have won your prize, do you still want the blow on the head?
Yes, yes.
I’ll offer you a poke in the eye.
No! I want a blow on the head.
A punch in the throat.
No.
All right then, a kick in the kneecap.
No.
Mrs. Scum, I’m offering you a boot in the teeth and a dagger up the strap.
Er…
[Audience] Blow on the head! Take the blow on the head!
No, no. I’ll take the blow on the head.
Very well then, Mrs. Scum, you have won tonight’s star prize, the blow on the head.
It’s all in a day’s work for… Bicycle Repair Man!