All right, all right. I’ll give you one more chance, get on the table…
Stay where you are. You’ll never leave this bookshop alive.
Shaddup!
Have you got anything without spam?
Is there someone else up there we could talk to?
Right. Now. I’m going to say a word, and I want you to say the first thing that comes into your head. How many pints do you want?
Two Sheds.
I told him we already had one. Heeheeheehee!
Good thinking, sir. I’ll get the horse.
Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?
You’re fucking nicked, me old beauty!
Oh it’s ’Rag Week’ sir. People have been very good, you know.
It’s a fair cop.
Does anyone in our party speak Swahili sir?
Yes, yes, I will, I’m going to cut your hair, sir. I’m going to start cutting your hair, sir, start cutting now!
I can say nothing at this point.
There are also scenes of naked women with floppy breasts, and also at one point you can see a pair of buttocks and there’s another bit where I’ll swear you can see everything, but my friend says it’s just the way he’s holding the spear. Because of the unsuitability of the scene, the BBC will be replacing it with a scene from a repeat of ‘Gardening Club’ for I958:
‘KEN RUSSELL’S GARDENING CLUB (I958)’
… and the aptly named Sir-Not-Appearing-In-This-Film.
No. I don’t want to wait. At nine o’clock tomorrow I want to be in there, taming.
Ask me your questions, old man, I’m not afraid.