What is it now, you great pillock?
Hey, look. Howard’s being eaten.
It’s only a wafer thin mint.
Right, Audrey. When did you first start thinking you were a cow?
Er .,. oh . .. I was just saying … thinking of the weather.. I hear the gooseberries are doing well this year… and so are the mangoes.
Well there you can see the scores now. St Stephen in the lead there with his stoning, then comes King Richard the Third at Bosworth Field, a grand death that, then the very lovely Jean d’Arc, then Marat in his bath - best of friends with Charlotte in the showers afterwards - then A. Lincoln of the U.S of A, a grand little chap that, and number six Genghis Khan, and the back marker King Edward the Seventh. Back to you, Wolfgang.
Oh, he shouldn’t be saying that, we haven’t done comparatives yet.
This is Uncle Ted, back again at the front of the house, but you can see the side of the house.
We’re from Room 259.
And that is the Spanish Inquisition.
But it’s my only line!
Well, one day I was at home threatening the kids, when I looks out through the eyehole in the wall, and I sees this tank pull up. And out gets one of Dinsdale’s boys. So he chains me to the back of the tank and takes me for a scrape 'round to Dinsdale’s place.
Right! Have you ever wanted to know what it’s all about?
All right, all right, all right, sonny. I’ll tell you what. We’ll do something different. I’ll be a bus conductor, and you can be a really funny passenger on a bus.
The BBC would like to apologize for the next announcement.
Oh, Mr. Belpit, your legs are so swollen.
There’s nothing wrong with … that.
It’s only a bloody parking offence.
That’s all right - you can put the dead Indian in the spare room on top of the dung.
The headquarters of these urban idiots is here in St John’s Wood. Inside they can enjoy the company of other idiots and watch special performances of ritual idiotting.