It may not have been a cartoon. It may have been a pictorial.
Some of us only read it for the jokes…
I have a “Playboy joke” from many years ago where I never give the last line. I don’t think it’s needed.
A manager had two employees, Jack and Mary. He was told he had to lay one of them off and had to decide which one.
He went to Mary and said: “I have a problem. I have to lay you or Jack off”. (last line omitted)
I once read a joke in Playboy that I had previously read in The Decameron (written around 1350). And there’s a comic story in The Decameron that appears in The Golden Ass, written in the late 2nd century.
Some jokes endure.
Q. Why do Alaskans wash their clothes in Tide?
A. It’s too cold to wash them out tide.
Q. What’s the longest word in the Spanish language?
A. “GOOOOOOAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!”
Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun,
Stupid Jill forgot the Pill and now they have a son.
Now Cecil Adams included this one (would Cecil steer you wrong?):
There was a young man from Nantucket,
Whose @#$$ was so long he could !@#$ it.
He said with a grin, as he wiped his chin,
If my ear were a 7@ I could #$%^ it.
EDIT: the message board won’t accept some of my symbols.
If you don’t get the joke (not a soccer fan), here’s the maestro Andres Cantor to demonstrate: 2015/07/05 Carli Lloyd GOLAZO DE MEDIA CANCHA USA vs Japan 2015 WWC Final - YouTube
Press on.
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This is ridiculous. It’s July 8th and people are still setting off fireworks.
One almost caught our Christmas decorations on fire.
How many conspiracy theorists does it take to change a light bulb?
The real question is that who broke the light bulb and why are they keeping us in the dark?
An out-of-work actor gets a call from his agent one day.
“I got you a job. It’s a one-liner.”
“That’s okay!” replies the actor, “I’ve been out of work for so long I’ll take anything. What’s the line?”
“Hark, I hear the cannons roar,” says the agent.
“I love it!” says the actor. “When’s the audition?”
“Wednesday,” says the agent.
Wednesday comes and the actor arrives at the audition. He marches on stage and shouts, “Hark, I hear the cannons roar!”
“Brilliant!” says the director, “you’ve got the job! The first show is at 9 o’clock, Saturday night.”
The actor is so excited that he goes on a major bender. He wakes up 8:30 Saturday evening and runs to the theater, continually repeating his line, “Hark, I hear the cannons roar! Hark, I hear the cannons roar!” He arrives and is stopped by the bouncer.
“Who the heck are you?”
“I’m Hark, I hear the cannons roar” says the actor.
“You’re Hark, I hear the cannons roar?” says the bouncer. “You’re late! Get up to makeup right now!”
So, the actor runs up to makeup.
“Who the heck are you?” asks the makeup girl.
“I’m Hark, I hear the cannons roar!” he says.
“You’re late! Sit down.” So she applies the makeup. “Now, quick, get down to the stage, it’s almost time to say your line!”
So he dashes down to the stage.
“Who the heck are you?” asks the stage manager.
“I’m Hark, I hear the cannons roar!” he replies.
“Oh, thank God! Just in time! Now get out there, the curtains are about to go up!”
So, the actor runs onto the stage. The curtains rise and he sees that the house is full. Suddenly, there is an almighty bang behind him, and the bewildered actor shouts, “What the fuck was THAT?!”
A midget fortune teller escaped from police custody.
The cops are looking for a small medium at large.
There’s this guy who’s lived a cautious, careful life his entire existence. He doesn’t smoke, doesn’t drink, doesn’t carouse. He makes a good living as an insurance adjustor. He drives a sensible car. Takes care of his health, does nothing risky.
One day he’s at home reading a boring book, his boring dog on his lap, sitting on his boring couch, when suddenly he hears a voice inside his head. SHOUTING inside his head. It says “WITHDRAW EVERY PENNY YOU HAVE FROM THE BANK AND GO TO VEGAS.”
He ignores it of course, because that would be crazy. But the voice will not stop. Every few minutes the voice comes back says “WITHDRAW EVERY PENNY YOU HAVE FROM THE BANK AND GO TO VEGAS.” He tries to sleep it off but every few minutes: “WITHDRAW EVERY PENNY YOU HAVE FROM THE BANK AND GO TO VEGAS.” He goes to the doctor. To a psychologist. No one can find anything wrong with him. He’s otherwise totally sane. And yet it will not go away. “WITHDRAW EVERY PENNY YOU HAVE FROM THE BANK AND GO TO VEGAS.”
Finally, after weeks of this, he thinks, well, to hell with this. He goes to the bank and takes out his life’s savings, over a million dollars, and puts it in a briefcase. He buys a ticket to Vegas, and emerging from the airport, realizes he doesn’t know what to do next.
But the voice comes to him. “TAKE A CAB TO THE BELLAGIO.”
So he does. He arrives at the Bellagio and the voice says “GO TO THE HIGH ROLLERS AREA TO A ROULETTE TABLE.” So he walks in to the high rollers area and sure enough, there’s the roulette wheels. He walks up to one, and the voice says “TRADE IN ALL YOUR MONEY FOR CHIPS.” He dumps over a million bucks in cash on the table, and there’s quite a stir, as you might imagine, as they count it up and give him a big stack of chips of colors most of us have never even seen. A crowd is gathering around him. And the voice says “BET EVERYTHING ON FIFTEEN.”
So he puts the entire stack of chips on fifteen. The croupier spins the wheel, and he spins the ball, and the scores of people watching are all holding their breath. All you can hear is the whirring of the ball. It slows, and it starts bouncing around the wheel, here and there, and it lands on… thirty-two.
The voice says, “SHIT.”
Man, that struck me just right! 
I made my husband listen to it too.
Yeah, this is one of my favorite jokes, and it’s a delight to tell…I always have the actor muttering the line to himself as he races from place to place so he won’t forget it, and then at the end, I whip around and shout the final line in my most freaked-out voice.
(I’ve heard this more than one place. And I have to ask, where did it originate? And while I’m asking, what on earth is a ‘veep’? Do they mean vice president? Please read:)
Cried the wife of a worrisome veep,
I’m so tired and worn I could weep.
'Tis my husband’s demand, for a boob in each hand
And the bastard walks 'round in his sleep!
Veep could refer to VIP, or “very important person”. Someone who’s privileged and knows it.
There is a YouTube clip (which, of course, I can’t find at the moment) of Lauren – Maggie from, “The Walking Dead” – Cohan telling this joke and she really puts herself into it. Zehr funny.
How many middle managers does it take to change a lightbulb?
I’ll have to get back to you on that.
Q. How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb.
A. Two. Just don’t ask me how they got in there.
It’s a shame nothing is built in the USA anymore…
I just bought a TV & it said “Built in Antenna”. I don’t even know where that is.
[
Wife: Honey, what will you give me for our 25th anniversary?
Husband: A trip to Paris.
Wife: Wow! That’s wonderful! How about for our 50th?
Husband: I’ll pick you back up.
The inventor of auto-correct has died
his funnel is tomato
How to fall down the stairs
Step 1.
Step 2.
Step 3.
Step 6.
Step 11.
Step 16.
Floor.
4 beer company CEOs walk into a bar
The CEO of Budweiser orders a Bud Light.
The CEO of Miller orders a Miller Light.
The CEO of Coors orders a Coors Light.
The CEO of Guinness orders a Coke.
The first three ask the CEO of Guinness why he didn’t order a Guinness, to which he replied:
“I figured if you 3 weren’t ordering beer it would be rude for me to.”