Mitochondria, he’s the powerhouse of the cell.
it was a Priustoric event.
Yeti never complains.
…that’s probably why.
There’s a Bounty on their heads.
Would gratuities paid to a Chick-fil-A mascot be considered cow tipping?
They always fail their Constitution checks.
Electile dysfunction.
Sorry. Wrong thread.
She is a Singer songwriter, or sew it seams
They’ll keep you bobbin your head.
It’s called “Glazed and Confused”.
Love it!
Honestly, that seems like it’d be a winning business plan.
Any other men notice this? My one ball hangs just a bit lower than the other two.
Your balls always seemed fine to me.
Perfectly normal.
(If you happen to be a pawnshop)
I’d post the elephant joke, but it’s already been posted six times in this thread already.
Elephants may not forget but obviously we do.
The owner of a chameleon took it to the vet because it couldn’t change colors.
Diagnosed with a reptile dysfunction.
An irrelephant.
A blizzard.
An instigator.
It’s not stroganoff.
On the front, they say, “I would do anything for love.”
On the rear, they say, "But I won’t do that …
This is a video, rather than a joke; and it’s a Facebook video at that. But if you can watch it, I thought it was very funny.
[No cat poo shown in the video.]
The other day I met this Australian who works in IT.
I asked him if he came from the LAN down under.
He just smiled and gave me a megabyte sandwich.
mmm
A guy goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?”
He replies, “Yes, caffeine. I can’t drink coffee.”
“OK, have you ever been in the military service?”
“Yes,” he says, “I was in Afghanistan for one tour.”
The interviewer says, “That will give you 5 extra points toward employment.”
Then he asks, “Are you disabled in any way?”
The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles.
The interviewer grimaces and then says, “Okay. You’ve got enough points for me to hire you right now.”
“Our normal hours are from 8 am to 4 pm. You can start tomorrow at 10 am and plan on starting at 10 am every day.”
The guy is puzzled and asks, “If the work hours are from 8 am to 4 pm, why don’t you want me here until 10 am?”
“This is a government job,” the interviewer says. “For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. So no point in your coming in for that.”
Whatever’s next to the Target.
Turns out it’s the ptuiii-tary gland.
… but I couldn’t remove the tra.
Who’s the idiot now?! I can’t wait to show her this letter I’ve just received from the government saying they’ve found evidence of “A lien on your property”.
My hand had a headache.
I flatly refuse to work with compost.
It’s so degrading.
An optometrist accidentally tripped and fell into his lens grinder.
Witnesses say he really made a spectacle of himself.
It was tired of working in a dead end field.
So they decide to spend an extra week away from class. One of the students calls his professor, and says “prof, we are stuck in Daytona beach. We won’t be able to make it back in time for exams because the tire on our car blew. We need to get it fixed before we head back”.
The prof says “no problem. Your safety comes first. Do what you need to, and when you get back the four of you can write the exam at that point”.
So the students live it up for another week. Drinking. Partying. Etcetera.
When they get back to school a week later, the prof welcomes them, sits them each in different rooms, and hands them the exam.
When they turn the page over to start writing, they find their exams have only one question: “Which tire?”
and asks him for his name.
“My name is Ed.” he said.
“Just Ed? no last name?”
“Just Ed.”
“care to explain?” asked the cop.
"Well, it started a long time ago. I was Ed Johnson. As a kid, I always wanted to be a doctor. So I studied hard and finally graduated medical school. From then on, I was known as Ed Johnson, M.D. After a few years, I wasn’t happy and decided to pursue my true love. Dentistry. I went back to school and got my D.D.S. From then on, I was Ed Johnson, M.D., D.D.S. Things were good till I got V.D. from sleeping with one of my patients. At that point, I was known as Ed Johnson, M.D., D.D.S. with V.D. Well, the board found out I slept with one of my patients and stripped my D.D.S from me. Shortly thereafter, the AMA took away my M.D. I was now just Ed Johnson with V.D. a few years after that, the V.D. took my johnson due to infection.
Because of that, I’m now just Ed."
So, Trump with Mike Pence visits institutions around US to see what he can do to make infrastructure better for people.
First, kindergarten. He sees leaking roof, worn out toys and playground, underpayed teachers.
Then they went to school’s. Bad buildings, old computers, everything falling apart.
And finally, prisons. Small cells, nothing inside, dirty, gangs, broken toilets, muddy yards, teribble smell.
Mike, write down, 100 milion $ for prisons! I want everything to be perfect, inside and out, like my hotels!
I am sorry Donald, but, shouldn’t we invest that in kindergartens and schools?
Mike, you just don’t get it. You think that after my presidency I’m going back to school?!
…at having to go back to school.