Don’t know if this is original, but I saw it for the first time in a column in the Wichita Eagle this morning:
Republican Senator and Representatives are refusing to meet with their constituents in Town Halls; instead, they are hiding out in the Witless Protection program.
This keeps niggling at me. I bought a copy of Jest In Pun, by Bill Keane. I bought one from Scholastic Press in elementary school. I’m still telling those puns! Anyway, there’s one that I don’t quite get.
There is a picture of a doormat that has WIPE YOUR FEET written on it. The pun is, ‘A foot rule.’ Obviously, there is a rule that feet must be wiped; hence, ‘a foot rule’. But I don’t get the pun? What’s a ‘foot rule’? Is that an old name for a ruler? Is ‘a foot rule’ supposed to sound like a different phrase?
I presume it’s a ruler 12 inches long.
That’s all I could think of; but for my entire life, a ruler has been 12 inches long (occasionally 15 or 18, but 12 is the default) and a ‘ruler’ that is 36 inches long is called a yardstick. So calling a ruler a ‘foot rule’ seems redundant. Bil Keane was born in 1922, so maybe a ‘foot rule’ was what people called rulers last Century?
Alternatively you can say “No binarie”, since there is a trend of using “e” to avoid gendering words.
But you’ll raise the ire of bigots and/or prescriptivists so use it at your own peril…
Not me. 
Ida Know
Is it not Bil Keane?
See my last post. 
“foot rule” might be a Britishism? Kinda sounds like one to me.
How can you dismiss homeopathy, when you know next to nothing about it?
I think you’ll find that actually makes me an expert.
Installing Washington Summer
[stalled progress bar]
[Triangular yellow sign with exclamation point] Installation failed.
Error 404: Summer not found.
Summer is not available in your state.
Please try California.
Depends on what version of California you have installed, too. San Francisco is notorious for its cold summers.
San Francisco? That’s that place on the central coast that people in L.A. are sort of aware of, right?
B. It makes oil boil.
But that’s just my two scents.
…I decided to stay in the sun.
Litter.
Depends on the frequency.
That absolutely no one is going to watch the videos of the fireworks you recorded on your phone.
he turns into Neil Diamond.
Because he’s afraid to go into the krypt tonite!
A Tow-El.
you’ve got to when you hit them.
How to cook crack and clean a crab.
Step one: Use commas.
They interrobang.
Because he was ostrich sized.
Either you wore a mask or your parents were dead.
…and lowers it.
It’s a world record.
There is a mathematical symbol consisting of a question mark superimposed on an exclamation point. Guess what it is called.
Well… that’s the joke .